What Not To Say And Why
I know exactly how you feel.Why? Because no one knows exactly how anyone else feels. This is not a helpful way to make someone feel understood when their depression has become overwhelming.
Everyone gets depressed sometimes.Why? Because it sounds dismissive and its not true. Everyone gets sad sometimes or has a bad day. Everyone does not get depressed.
You have no reason to be depressed.Why? Because it can make people feel guilty, ashamed, or like their feelings dont count. Life events can sometimes play a role, but depression often has no specific reason, trigger, or cause.
Hang in there. It will pass.Why? Because its unhelpful and untrue. Chances are, theyve been feeling this way for some time, and it hasnt gotten better and thats why theyre asking for support.
Dont be so negative. Think happy thoughts.Why? Because if it was that simple, depression wouldnt exist. This statement implies that depression is a choice which is false. You cant just will or wish it away.
How Do Antidepressant Drugs Work
In the brain, electrical signals speed messages from nerve cell to nerve cell but are relayed bychemical signals across the tiny gap between nerve cells. Antidepressant drugs affect those neurotransmitters, such as norepinephrine, serotonin, dopamine and others belonging to a class of chemicals known as monoamines.
Antidepressant medications such as the SSRI’s can increase or decrease neurotransmitters, act as substitute neurotransmitters, or regulate the receptors that the neurochemicals bind to. While those changes may contribute to the effects of antidepressant agents, they are not considered the main source of improvement. The reason is that those changes happen immediately, but the drugs can take six weeks or more to provide relief of symptoms. Researchers believe that the time lag is due to the development of new nerve cell connectionsneuroplasticitywhich pave the way for mental and behavioral flexibility.
Studies show that 40 to 60 percent of patients treated with an antidepressant experience an improvement in symptoms within six to eight weeks. Care standards specify that once remission is achieved, treatment should be continued for four to nine months.
Do Something You Enjoy
Depression can push you to give in to your fatigue. It may feel more powerful than preferred emotions.
Try to push back and do something you love something thats pleasurable or meaningful. It could be playing an instrument, painting, hiking, or biking.
The byproduct of engaging in meaningful activities can be a lift in your mood or energy, which can further motivate you to continue to engage in helpful activities that help with navigating symptoms.
Research suggests that walks in nature may improve depressive symptoms in people with clinical depression.
Time in natural spaces may improve mood and cognition, and lower the risk of mental health disorders. However, theres only limited research on the direct effect of nature on those with clinical depression.
Consider taking a walk at lunch among the trees or spending some time in your local park. Or plan a weekend hike. These activities can help you reconnect with nature and soak in some rays at the same time.
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Talking To Someone With Depression
Here are some tips to help you when speaking to someone with a mental illness. If youre unsure where to start, ruok.org.au provides some simple advice:
- Be ready – are you in a good headspace, and do you have the time?
- Be prepared – are you ready for a difficult conversation where you dont have the answers?
- Pick your moment – have you chosen somewhere comfortable to talk, and an appropriate time?
You can find more helpful tips at ruok.org.au and beyondblue.
Dont Try Forcing Or Encouraging Any Specific Treatment
There are many different ways of treating depression, and just as many different types of medication. Which one your friend ends up taking is their decision.
You may have strong views on certain depression treatments. Whichever way you lean, your opinion is going to have to stay tucked inside your head.
There isnt a guaranteed cure when it comes to depression. Finding out whats right is often a case of trial, error, and discovering what the individual is comfortable with.
Its a really personal decision so leave it to your friend and their healthcare professional. Even if you think that their decision is totally wrong, keep your lips sealed. Throw your energy behind supporting whatever decision they make instead.
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How To Talk To Someone About Depression
Sometimes it is hard to know what to say when speaking to someone about depression. You might fear that if you bring up your worries the person will get angry, feel insulted, or ignore your concerns. You may be unsure what questions to ask or how to be supportive.
If you dont know where to start, the following suggestions may help. But remember that being a compassionate listener is much more important than giving advice. You dont have to try to fix your friend or family member you just have to be a good listener. Often, the simple act of talking face to face can be an enormous help to someone suffering from depression. Encourage the depressed person to talk about their feelings, and be willing to listen without judgment.
Dont expect a single conversation to be the end of it. Depressed people tend to withdraw from others and isolate themselves. You may need to express your concern and willingness to listen over and over again. Be gentle, yet persistent.
Supporting Someone Through Depression Treatment
Your loved has taken an incredibly brave step by asking for help for their depression. From here, the best thing you can do is be as supportive as possible throughout the treatment process.
Note that if, at any point, you think your loved is at risk of suicide, take immediate action. Call a national helpline, like Samaritans, book an urgent appointment with their GP, or head straight to your nearest A& E department.
- Continue to help out in any way you can. From housework to just being a sounding board, its important that you continue trying to be as helpful as possible
- Suggest activities. There are lots of ways people can cope with depression. One of these getting themselves out there, which can be achieved by things like exercise or a taking up a new hobby. You could suggest that your loved one starts looking into activities that they enjoy, that could potentially be a distraction for them. However, if they dont feel up to it at that time, then dont put any more pressure on them
- Be realistic. Even during treatment, there might be bumps along your loved ones road to recovery. If they do seem to be having small setbacks, remain patient and understanding, and dont let frustration set in
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Support Them In Tangible Ways
Have you ever said, Let me know what I can do! to a friend whos having a rough time? While it may seem like a common and courteous question, it could sometimes be unhelpful.
Even with the best intentions, when you ask someone what you can do to help, you place responsibility on the person whos having a hard time.
When you rely on someone who has depression to ask you for help, it may lead to overwhelm. Oftentimes depression can make simple, everyday tasks feel difficult.
Instead, try being more specific with your questions. Here are a few ideas:
- Would it be helpful if I grabbed you some dinner on my way home from work today?
- Im going to take your trash out on my way to the car, do you have any recycling?
- Im going to run some errands in the city, I can drive over and scoop the kids from karate if youd like!
- I have a coupon code for Instacart, I can have some groceries delivered over here on Wednesday if thats OK with you?
- Would you like me to take your dog for walks this week?
Even the most well-meaning friends may occasionally have missteps or unintentionally cross a line with their loved ones during a depressive episode. Heres what you may want to avoid doing when someone you know has depression.
How To Talk To Someone With Depression
If you have recognised the signs and symptoms of depression in someone close to you, it can be incredibly helpful to have an open and honest conversation about it, so that you can begin to develop an understanding of what theyre going through and reassure them that theyre not alone.
When to do it
The best time to raise this subject with your loved one is in a situation and location where you know they feel relaxed and at ease, and somewhere where you wont be interrupted. Car journeys are a good example, or perhaps when youre in a quiet local café.
How to start the conversation
Its important that you start the conversation off in a non-confrontational and open-ended way. Try to focus the questioning on your perspective instead of putting it all on them. You could say things like: Ive been a bit worried about you lately or Ive noticed that you havent been yourself and wanted to talk to you about it.
The focus on I instead of you takes the spotlight away from them and makes it more likely that theyll feel comfortable enough to open up to you.
Questions to ask
After you have initiated the conversation, its a good idea to have some questions ready to ask them. This will help you to gain more information about their mood and emotions and be in a better position to help. Your questions might include:
- How long have you been feeling this way?
- How do you feel on a general day-to-day basis?
- Has something happened to make you feel this way?
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If Someone Tells You Theyre Depressed What Should You Say Next
I think its really important that you dont feel like you have to fix it, but just be curious and listen to your friends experience, says Rosen. She advises asking questions like: What has it been like for you? Are you able to function at work? How are you doing at school?These should lead into the most important question to ask: Has it ever gotten so bad that you feel like hurting yourself or you want to end things?A lot of people wrongly think that asking about suicide will give someone the idea to do it. But experts say thats not how suicide works and that its really, really important to ask about suicide directly. By not asking, you could isolate a friend even more, and cause the person to spiral even further into suicidal thoughts.
Unless youre a mental-health professional, its not worth following up with hyperspecific, nitty-gritty questions like When did you start feeling bad? or What makes you feel worse? because whatever the person says will put you in a position of needing to share advice youre not qualified to give.
The next step would be trying to see if theyve actually been clinically diagnosed, says Cordero. Have they done any of the screenings? Suggest they take an online test its the same quiz theyd take in a primary-care doctors office, where people are encouraged to start seeking help for depression in order to rule out any other medical conditions.
Are There Things I Can Do On My Own To Relieve Depression
Lifestyle changes can be extremely important in achieving depression relief. Chief among healthy habits to foster is addressing disturbed sleep, because sleep is so essential for feeling good and affects every system of body and brain. Establishing a regular sleep routine is considered essential, although sleep disturbance may be among the last symptoms of depression to completely resolve.
Stable sleep patterns by themselves have a positive influence on body metabolism and reduce the risk for cardiovascular disease that is associated with depression. Minimizing exposure to experiences of neglect and abuse is also important. Behavioral activation is a proven source of relief in depression, and while a therapist can help, patients can put it into action on their own.
Depression causes people to shut down they lose interest in doing things, and their world contracts, depriving them of needed sources of stimulation and pleasure. Therefore, doing thingseven when it goes against all instinctsbrings about benefits on many levels. For example, maintaining social contact is a major source of relief it acts physiologically, by tempering stress reactivity, and counters the bleakness of depression by providing a source of pleasure.
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Take Care Of Yourself
When you care about someone whos living with depression, its tempting to drop everything to be by their side and support them. Its not wrong to want to help a friend, but its also important to take care of your own needs.
If you put all your energy into supporting your friend, youll have very little left for yourself. And if youre feeling burned out or frustrated, you wont be much help to your friend.
Set boundaries
Setting boundaries can help. For example, you might let your friend know youre available to talk after you get home from work, but not before then.
If youre concerned about them feeling like they cant reach you, offer to help them come up with a contingency plan if they need you during your work day. This might involve finding a hotline they can call or coming up with a code word they can text you if theyre in a crisis.
You might offer to stop by every other day or bring a meal twice a week, instead of trying to help every day. Involving other friends can help create a bigger support network.
Practice self-care
Spending a lot of time with a loved one who has depression can take an emotional toll. Know your limits around difficult emotions, and make sure you take time to recharge.
If you need to let your friend know you wont be available for a while, you might say something like, I cant talk until X time. Can I check in with you then?
Help Your Loved One Get Treatment For Depression
Somebody with depression may need help seeking care, both because of a sense of stigma or shame and because their illness makes it harder for them to manage tasks like finding a mental health provider or scheduling an appointment. Suggesting that you can do these things for them, remind them when the appointment is coming up, and accompany them to the visit can help them get treatment sooner rather than later.
If theyre hesitant to see a mental health professional such as a psychologist or psychiatrist, see if theyre willing to visit their primary care doctor, especially if this is someone they already know well and trust, Thienhaus says. Although its best to see someone specializing in mental health, the important part is getting connected to some form of help when needed.
You may also have to rethink the words you use to talk about depression treatment because different people may have distinct ways of viewing the condition, Thames says. Some people, for example, may not know to use the word depressed to describe how they feel, and might instead perceive their symptoms as being stressed out or not myself, for example.
Matching the language that the person can identify with is important when attempting to intervene, Thames says.
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Supporting Your Loved Ones Treatment
One of the most important things you can do to help a friend or relative with depression is to give your unconditional love and support throughout the treatment process. This involves being compassionate and patient, which is not always easy when dealing with the negativity, hostility, and moodiness that go hand in hand with depression.
Provide whatever assistance the person needs . Help your loved one make and keep appointments, research treatment options, and stay on schedule with any treatment prescribed.
Have realistic expectations. It can be frustrating to watch a depressed friend or family member struggle, especially if progress is slow or stalled. Having patience is important. Even with optimal treatment, recovery from depression doesnt happen overnight.
Lead by example. Encourage the person to lead a healthier, mood-boosting lifestyle by doing it yourself: maintain a positive outlook, eat better, avoid alcohol and drugs, exercise, and lean on others for support.
Encourage activity. Invite your loved one to join you in uplifting activities, like going to a funny movie or having dinner at a favorite restaurant. Exercise is especially helpful, so try to get your depressed loved one moving. Going on walks together is one of the easiest options. Be gently and lovingly persistentdont get discouraged or stop asking.
Look For Signs That Treatment Is Working
There are lots of little ways to tell when treatment works it will be clear in the ways that your loved one looks and acts, says Angelos Halaris, MD, PhD, a professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences and director of outpatient clinical services at the Loyola University Chicago Stritch School of Medicine.
As they improve, someone with depression may start making better eye contact with you instead of looking down to avoid eye contact due to feeling vulnerable or anxious. Other signs of improvement, according to Dr. Halaris, include:
- Smiling occasionally and having more relaxed instead of tense facial features
- Having a calmer demeanor
- Isolating less and interacting with people more
- Eating and sleeping better
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