Give Lots Of Positive Reinforcement
“Science has shown that for every negative thought, we need three positive ones to counteract the negative one. That means negativity impacts us more than positivity, it sidelines us and makes us unhappy,” says Dr. Erin Stair, a physician and health consultant who runs Blooming Wellness in New York. It might not have been you who put those negative thoughts into your friend’s head, but you can totally help negate them three positive statements at a time!
Dont Make It About You
Why its harmful: Blaming someone with depression for making you sad can worsen their condition by making them feel even more ashamed and humiliated than they already do, Dr. Duckworth says. Instead, you should show love and support the person to help them get back to the state theyd like to be in. Heres how to help a depressed spouseand potentially save your marriage.
What to say instead:Im here for you.
Be Their Servant For A Day
One way to cheer someone up is to come dressed up in your finest suit or dress to be someones butler for the day. This can be especially helpful for a new mom with postpartum depression or someone grieving a death in their family. You can tell them to sit with company while you clean their house, cook them food, answer doors, and be at their beck and call the entire day. Theyll likely refuse your request at first, but if you dress the part they might laugh and appreciate the help after all.
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Do I Need Health Insurance To Receive This Service
The referral service is free of charge. If you have no insurance or are underinsured, we will refer you to your state office, which is responsible for state-funded treatment programs. In addition, we can often refer you to facilities that charge on a sliding fee scale or accept Medicare or Medicaid. If you have health insurance, you are encouraged to contact your insurer for a list of participating health care providers and facilities.
There’s Food On The Way
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Things To Say To A Depressed Person
If you know someone with depression, understanding a bit about how its symptoms affect people and the common treatment options can be helpful. Its also important to communicate non-judgemental support.1,2,3 It can be hard to know what to say sometimes, but try to stick with supportive words instead of prescriptive solutions.
Listen, first and foremost. Empathize with what they express to you. Be present in the moment with them and try not to focus on what you should say to them or how you can help them.Dr. Sheila Dowd, Rush University Medical Center
Here are fifteen things to say to someone who is depressed:
Hug Them Until They Laugh
Have you ever hugged someone until they laughed? No? Then, youve definitely not hugged them long enough. Studies show that hugging releases oxytocin the looove hormone. And while the Scrooges of the world hate affection, theyre often the ones that need it the most. So if you have a chance to cheer someone up, give them a hug. You can joke that youre only gonna hug for a few more seconds longer, give them an extra squeeze, or do a dance while you hug them. But ultimately, those long, playful hugs can help cheer someone up. Feel the room when doing this. If someone pushes you away, give them the space they need.
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Depressed How To ‘just Cheer Up’
Writer, Buddhist teacher, Founder of the Open Heart Project
This morning I woke up with a feeling of depression. This is not unusual for me. Perhaps you can relate. I have struggled with depression for my entire life since I was a child. I really don’t know why and I sort of don’t really care why anymore. Nonetheless, I have had to find a way to work with it because it has bordered on being debilitating at many different points in my life.
The feeling I woke up with was very familiar: A sense of heaviness throughout my body and a sense of being held down by unseen hands pressing on crown, chest and belly. A style of mental activity that no matter where I looked in my life: my work, my relationship, bank account, home, body, the future — it all looked bleak. Very bleak. When this happens I become anxious and want to dispel this matrix immediately. To do so, I dive into stories about how it got to be this way and how it is all my fault. True stories, I might add. I missed this opportunity. I made that wrong choice. My abilities are limited. Yes, true — on one hand. And utterly useless on the other.
Fortunately, I am old enough and practiced enough to recognize that my mind is playing a very unpleasant trick on me. Trying to nail the “story” of my depression does not change my mood. I catch myself. At this point, a number of options are possible.
What does seem to work for me is to let go of all stories and take a fresh start, moment to moment. But how?
Youve Been Doing Really Great With : :
Depression after a surgery is fairly common. Its important to remain focused on the positive, especially when facing a longer recovery period. A great way to do this is to celebrate milestones, even small ones, together. Its easy to lose sight of progress if youre only seeing the long road ahead.
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Dont Talk About How Great Their Life Is
Why its harmful: As Plotnick explains, depression is not simply the opposite of happiness, and it doesnt matter what you do or do not have. You could have all the money, friends, and career opportunities in the world, but that doesnt wipe away a mental illness. This factor can predict whether depression will return.
What to say instead:I understand that you are hurting. I have your back.
Understand That They May Push You Away
One of the most frustrating aspects of trying to help someone with depression is that they may push you away and seem like they dont want or appreciate your efforts. If youre taking time out of your schedule and trying to prioritize their needs, you may start to feel used, taken advantage of or unappreciated. However, its important to understand that pushing people away is a big part of struggling with depression.
It could be that the person is ashamed and doesnt want you to see how bad things have gotten from a life-management perspective, or they could be struggling with poor self-esteem that makes them feel like theyre a burden on others or are unworthy of help. The best thing you can do in these situations is to keep reaching out without being pushy call to check in but dont guilt-trip the person into coming out with you for coffee and remind them that you love them, care about their well-being and are there whenever theyre ready.
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Knowing How Depression Works Can Help You Better Support Loved Ones Who Are Struggling
If youve never experienced clinical depression, it is hard to understand what it is like. Well-intentioned people will say things like, just think positive, or just snap out of it. Though they may not say it out loud, some people think a person with depression is just being lazy, or just trying to get attention. However, major depressive disorder is a serious psychological condition.
Before I became a clinical psychologist, I experienced a depressive episode after a divorce. The depression completely hijacked my thinking and feelings, and I even seriously contemplated suicide. A family member encouraged me to seek psychotherapy, and it really helped. This is what inspired me to become a psychologist, and I eventually became a board-certified clinical psychology professor. Through my research, writing, and international speaking, one of my personal life missions is to validate peoples struggles and walk with them on the path to recovery from depression.
If you know someone who seems depressed, it can be very difficult to understand, and it can be hard to know what to do. With more knowledge about how depression works, youll be in a better position to offer the most helpful support.
Of 1: I Know This Is Hard Right Now But There Are Resources Out There That Can Help
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Unsolicited Advice Or Opinions
Regardless of what you may know about depression, Bruno advises against offering unsolicited advice to a loved one.
Rather than immediately offering your input, use other active listening techniques like nodding your head, asking follow-up questions, and validating their experiences with affirmations, Bruno says.
Everyone has their own way of navigating their mental disorder, and if they arent a danger to themselves or someone else, it may be counterproductive to judge their process.
If you believe your friend or a loved one is a danger to themselves or someone else, you might encourage them to enact their safety plan or reach out to their therapist or another crisis support person.
- risky behavior, including substance misuse
If youre acutely concerned about their safety and they consent, you might consider staying with them while they make the call for support and help.
Be There For Them During Treatment
When it comes to health issues, everyone wants a quick fix. Thats unlikely with depression.
Your friend may lose motivation and feel like their therapy, their medication, or both, arent worth bothering with anymore. It can feel really challenging to find the energy to maintain treatment.
Remind them that they should try to keep up their treatment, but support their wishes. If they truly dont click with their therapist, or the side effects of the medication have become too much, help them learn about different options.
In both cases, encourage and support your friend during the times they may want to cease all treatment, as this is a common experience for many people struggling with depression. Many types of therapy and medication regimens require ongoing sessions.
Finding a new therapist or discussing a different dosage of meds are much better than stopping completely and suddenly.
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Leave Your Friend A Handwritten Note
Notes are always a great way to let that friend, who maybe gets a little uncomfortable when it comes to the emotional stuff, know you still care. It makes people feel thought of and you can provide words of affirmation. Alternatively, you could give them words or mantras to cheer them up and replace their automatic negative thought, says Chicago-based psychotherapist Kelley Kitley. Write something cute, fold it up, and slip it somewhere not-so-obvious for them to find later.
Dont Downplay The Severity
Why its harmful: Statements like this play down the severity of a depressed persons condition and might make them feel guilty for something they cant control. When I hear this statement, it diminishes the fact that depression is a real problem and puts a personal blame and a negative spin on what already feels awful, Nguyen says.
What to say instead:What can I do to help you feel better?
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Supporting Your Loved Ones Treatment
One of the most important things you can do to help a friend or relative with depression is to give your unconditional love and support throughout the treatment process. This involves being compassionate and patient, which is not always easy when dealing with the negativity, hostility, and moodiness that go hand in hand with depression.
Provide whatever assistance the person needs . Help your loved one make and keep appointments, research treatment options, and stay on schedule with any treatment prescribed.
Have realistic expectations. It can be frustrating to watch a depressed friend or family member struggle, especially if progress is slow or stalled. Having patience is important. Even with optimal treatment, recovery from depression doesnt happen overnight.
Lead by example. Encourage the person to lead a healthier, mood-boosting lifestyle by doing it yourself: maintain a positive outlook, eat better, avoid alcohol and drugs, exercise, and lean on others for support.
Encourage activity. Invite your loved one to join you in uplifting activities, like going to a funny movie or having dinner at a favorite restaurant. Exercise is especially helpful, so try to get your depressed loved one moving. Going on walks together is one of the easiest options. Be gently and lovingly persistentdont get discouraged or stop asking.
Cheering Someone Up In The Digital Age
Dont dismiss texting as a way to cheer someone up its thoughtful and effective. Keep these examples in mind the next time someone needs a boost and you need to know how to cheer someone up over text.
Need more ideas on how to cheer someone up? Check out our guides on the best relaxing gifts and stress relief gift baskets.
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The Personality Of The Affected
The tastes between people are usually very varied, if you are looking for how to encourage a depressed person, you must know what are the activities of their preference. In some cases it can work, going for a walk, dancing or eating, in others it will be enough to make a call.
You must be very careful and always take into account your personality, since some factor of it may also be causing your condition.
If the sadness is linked to an activity you like, it is best to choose to encourage him to do something different.
Dont Try Forcing Or Encouraging Any Specific Treatment
There are many different ways of treating depression, and just as many different types of medication. Which one your friend ends up taking is their decision.
You may have strong views on certain depression treatments. Whichever way you lean, your opinion is going to have to stay tucked inside your head.
There isnt a guaranteed cure when it comes to depression. Finding out whats right is often a case of trial, error, and discovering what the individual is comfortable with.
Its a really personal decision so leave it to your friend and their healthcare professional. Even if you think that their decision is totally wrong, keep your lips sealed. Throw your energy behind supporting whatever decision they make instead.
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How To Help Someone With Depression Who Doesnt Want It
Maybe youve noticed that a friend or loved one doesnt hang out as much as they used to or they always have an excuse for why they cant join in on social outings. Or maybe youve seen a decline in caring about personal appearance or the cleanliness of their home. While everyone has busy stages of life where you skip hair washing day or dont get to the dishes or laundry, these can also be warning signs that someone is struggling with depression.
Its normal to be unsure of how to talk to a person with depression without making the situation worse comments like just cheer up or I dont understand why you think your life is so bad arent helpful but there are some things you can do to be supportive during this time. Understanding how depression works and how it affects a persons life is the first step in figuring out how to help a depressed friend who wont talk.
Remind Them You’re There For Them
Depression can feel as though no one understands what you are feeling or even cares enough to try to understand, which can be isolating and overwhelming.
Research has shown that people tend to withdraw when they are depressed, so reaching out to a friend in need is an important first step. If your friend isn’t ready to talk, continue to offer your support by spending time with them and try to check in regularly, either in person, on the phone, or by text.
When you reach out to a friend, letting them know that you are going to be there every step of the way can be very reassuring.
You may not quite know what this will look like at first, but know that just reminding your friend that you are someone they can lean on can mean the world.
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