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Depression after a surgery is fairly common. Its important to remain focused on the positive, especially when facing a longer recovery period. A great way to do this is to celebrate milestones, even small ones, together. Its easy to lose sight of progress if youre only seeing the long road ahead.
Let Her Know Her Feelings Are Valid
Reassuring new moms that their feelings are validno matter what they feelis incredibly important to the postpartum journey. Hormones are wild and new moms feel new things deeply. They are suddenly overwhelmed by an instinctual protective nature and deep love for another tiny human theyre wholly responsible for.
Its a lot.
Supporting Your Loved One’s Treatment
One of the most important things you can do to help a friend or relative with depression is to give your unconditional love and support throughout the treatment process. This involves being compassionate and patient, which is not always easy when dealing with the negativity, hostility, and moodiness that go hand in hand with depression.
Provide whatever assistance the person needs . Help your loved one make and keep appointments, research treatment options, and stay on schedule with any treatment prescribed.
Have realistic expectations. It can be frustrating to watch a depressed friend or family member struggle, especially if progress is slow or stalled. Having patience is important. Even with optimal treatment, recovery from depression doesn’t happen overnight.
Lead by example. Encourage the person to lead a healthier, mood-boosting lifestyle by doing it yourself: maintain a positive outlook, eat better, avoid alcohol and drugs, exercise, and lean on others for support.
Encourage activity. Invite your loved one to join you in uplifting activities, like going to a funny movie or having dinner at a favorite restaurant. Exercise is especially helpful, so try to get your depressed loved one moving. Going on walks together is one of the easiest options. Be gently and lovingly persistentdon’t get discouraged or stop asking.
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Avoid Being Critical Or Making Assumptions
If you have never experienced depression, it can be difficult to understand what your loved one is going through, which is why its so important to avoid being critical or impatient. Theyre probably being very self-critical already, so responding to their needs in a non-judgemental way shows that you recognise what theyre going through is difficult.
Remember, depression is different for everyone. Its really important that you dont try to make comparisons or assumptions. The only thing this is likely to do is make them feel invalidated and misunderstood, which could then lead to a further decline in their mood as well as discouraging them from opening up.
Ask How They Are Feeling
When a patient who is diagnosed with depression starts a new medication, be sure to ask them how they are feeling. While suicide is the extreme end of the spectrum, the risk for suicide and other abnormal emotions and feelings is highest within the first two weeks of beginning a new medication. Use those first two weeks to ask how they are feeling and how the medication is working.
You have felt helpless in the past when trying to support or comfort someone struggling with this, these are suggestions that anyone can apply today. Small gestures make a big difference and many patients appreciate you caring enough to take the journey with them.
If someone from your family is under your care and dealing with depression, it is a good idea to consult with their doctor or provider regarding their specific situation. Our providers at Warner Family Practice are equipped to provide real feedback and advice on how you can best support those in your life who suffer with depression and other mental illnesses.
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Other Sites That Can Help
www.atareira.org.nz – Support, education and information for family and whnau.Carers New Zealand – Information and support for people in caregiver roles.Mental Health Foundation – Information about mental health covering a range of topics.Small Steps – A range of simple tools you can use to manage your stress, anxiety and low mood.
Understanding Depression In A Friend Or Family Member
Depression is a serious condition. Don’t underestimate the seriousness of depression. Depression drains a person’s energy, optimism, and motivation. Your depressed loved one can’t just snap out of it by sheer force of will.
The symptoms of depression aren’t personal. Depression makes it difficult for a person to connect on a deep emotional level with anyone, even the people they love the most. It’s also common for depressed people to say hurtful things and lash out in anger. Remember that this is the depression talking, not your loved one, so try not to take it personally.
Hiding the problem won’t make it go away. It doesn’t help anyone involved if you try making excuses, covering up the problem, or lying for a friend or family member who is depressed. In fact, this may keep the depressed person from seeking treatment.
Your loved one isn’t lazy or unmotivated. When you’re suffering from depression, just thinking about doing the things that may help you to feel better can seem exhausting or impossible to put into action. Have patience as you encourage your loved one to take the first small steps to recovery.
You can’t fix someone else’s depression. As much as you may want to, you can’t rescue someone from depression nor fix the problem for them. You’re not to blame for your loved one’s depression or responsible for their happiness . While you can offer love and support, ultimately recovery is in the hands of the depressed person.
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Remind Them You’re There For Them
Depression can feel as though no one understands what you are feeling or even cares enough to try to understand, which can be isolating and overwhelming.
Research has shown that people tend to withdraw when they are depressed, so reaching out to a friend in need is an important first step. If your friend isn’t ready to talk, continue to offer your support by spending time with them and try to check in regularly, either in person, on the phone, or by text.
When you reach out to a friend, letting them know that you are going to be there every step of the way can be very reassuring.
You may not quite know what this will look like at first, but know that just reminding your friend that you are someone they can lean on can mean the world.
Be Ready To Take Action
If your friend says theyre ready to seek help, thats a big breakthrough and you can play a crucial role in supporting them. For a seriously depressed person, action often requires a large amount of emotional effort, since the illness can make them feel drained and hopeless.
Arranging a visit to the persons primary-care physician can be a good way to get the process started, says Dr. Bates. People may be averse to going for mental healthcare because of perceived stigma, she says. If you can engage the person around their physical complaints, you can say, Why dont we get this checked out? A lot of depressed people have body aches and pains its called somatization. Be aware, your friend may be more receptive to taking their doctors referral to a mental health professional than accepting a recommendation from you.
If their doctor assesses that your friend is not in immediate danger of self-harm then they will likely refer them to a psychologist or psychiatrist. You can offer to go along on the appointment, help them set a date and stick to it.
If your friend is expressing hopelessness, dont be afraid to gently ask about suicidal thoughts and intentions you need to know in order to help. If they are actively suicidal, call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline , or accompany them to the emergency room. Be their advocate with the police, paramedics, admitting department, nurses and doctors. While this can be difficult to do, it can save their life.
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What To Say To Someone Who Is Depressed
Finding the Words to Help
Steven Gans, MD is board-certified in psychiatry and is an active supervisor, teacher, and mentor at Massachusetts General Hospital.
Knowing what to say to someone who is depressed isn’t always easy. Try not to be dissuaded by worry over saying the “wrong” thing. Too many people with clinical depression feel alonea state that only worsens their condition. If you don’t know what to say, just say thatand tell your friend that you are there for them.
This article discusses what you can do when you want to say more, but have a hard time expressing what you feel. It also covers statements that someone who is depressed might find helpful to hear.
Counselling Or Talk Therapy
The primary treatment for depression or anxiety is psychological counseling, also called talk therapy or psychotherapy. Several types of talk therapy have been shown to be safe and effective for the treatment of depression.
- Cognitive behaviour therapy can help us see how our thoughts and actions are connected to our feelings. CBT teaches us how to replace negative, depressive thoughts and behaviours with more positive, constructive thoughts and actions.
- Interpersonal psychotherapy focuses on improving relationships by helping us to resolve conflicts that are contributing to the depression.
- Solution-focused therapy focuses on personal strengths and helps us to create a positive future for ourself by finding solutions to our stresses and problems.
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What If Your Help Still Doesnt Work
Sometimes, situations like this are out of our control as outsiders. Mental health therapy can help support new moms, too, especially alongside a good support system like you.
Postpartum Support International has a directory of therapists who specialize in perinatal mental health. Start with that and go from there.
Related: 17 Questions to Ask When Interviewing A Postpartum Therapist
The most important thing is that you continue to show up for her and listen to her.
Signs That Someone May Be Depressed
Depression has lots of possible symptoms.
You may notice that someone:
- has lost interest in doing things they normally enjoy
- seems to be feeling down or hopeless
- has slower speech and movements or is more fidgety and restless than usual
- feels tired or does not have much energy
- is overeating or has lost their appetite
- is sleeping more than usual or is not able to sleep
- has trouble concentrating on everyday things, such as watching TV or reading the paper
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Warning Signs Of Suicide
People with depression may be at risk of suicide. According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, more than half of those who die by suicide have major depression.
Partners of those with depression should be aware of the warning signs of suicide so that they can take swift action if necessary. Warning signs include:
- talking about death or suicide
- having a suicide plan
Take Care Of Yourself
When you care about someone whos living with depression, its tempting to drop everything to be by their side and support them. Its not wrong to want to help a friend, but its also important to take care of your own needs.
If you put all your energy into supporting your friend, youll have very little left for yourself. And if youre feeling burned out or frustrated, you wont be much help to your friend.
Set boundaries
Setting boundaries can help. For example, you might let your friend know youre available to talk after you get home from work, but not before then.
If youre concerned about them feeling like they cant reach you, offer to help them come up with a contingency plan if they need you during your work day. This might involve finding a hotline they can call or coming up with a code word they can text you if theyre in a crisis.
You might offer to stop by every other day or bring a meal twice a week, instead of trying to help every day. Involving other friends can help create a bigger support network.
Practice self-care
Spending a lot of time with a loved one who has depression can take an emotional toll. Know your limits around difficult emotions, and make sure you take time to recharge.
If you need to let your friend know you wont be available for a while, you might say something like, I cant talk until X time. Can I check in with you then?
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Accept That There Will Be Bad Days
People with depression have good days and bad days. To deal with the bad days:
- expect that they will happen
- understand that this is a normal part of depression
- do not withdraw love or support during these times
- take some time out and do something enjoyable, either alone or with others
- remember that not every day will be like this there will be good days too
When Should I Seek Professional Help
If the symptoms of depression your loved one is experiencing are having a damaging effect on their ability to live a normal life, it may be time to seek professional help. Encourage them to speak to their GP, who can offer you professional advice on arresting symptoms.
With the blessing of your loved one, you might also seek depression treatmenthere at Priory, where we can work with your loved one to develop a recovery programme that fits their needs and circumstances. We offer intensive inpatient stays, weekly therapy sessions that fit in with the life and work commitments of our patients, and online therapy that allows you to recover from the comfort of your own home.
You dont have to struggle with depression expert, established treatment is available. To find out how Priory can help your loved one to overcome your depression and return to a positive way of life, call our dedicated team today on 0800 840 3219 or make an enquiry.
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Tips For Getting Friends Or Loved Ones To Psychotherapy
There are many who are quite comfortable asking for personal help, be it a favor, a chore, or assistance with a difficult issue. These individuals move into professional help-seeking mode, if necessary. They tend to their physical health and mental health by seeking out specialists when they need it.
There are others, though, who refrain from asking for helppreferring to do things on their own. They’re independent. Private. Old school. I’ll take care of it myself. I’lltough it out. Maybe they’re shy, reserved or reluctant to rely on others for things. They aren’t help-seekers. They may even be help-rejectors. Or there may be something more insidious going on. They may feelshame for needing help.
Help-Seeking Theory
Simply stated, there are 3 steps to addressing problems in life.
1) Defining the problem: This is where you detect a problem and define it. What is the problem exactly? How specific and detailed is it?
2) Analysis of the problem: The next step looks at the cause-and-effect of your problem. How is it affecting your life? How is it affecting school or work? Does your problem impact others directly or indirectly? Do you detect it? Or are others telling you they see it?
3) Solution for the problem: This is the last step, where you put into action specific changes needed to reduce the problem and to prevent further issues.
Help-Seeking Attitudes
How to Encourage Therapy-Seeking
What Not To Say To Someone With Depression
While offering support and kind words to someone with depression, there are sayings and phrases that are best avoided. Primarily, avoid turning the focus on you, minimizing what they are going through, and offering unsolicited directives or solution-finding.
Here are six things you shouldnt say to someone with depression:
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Its Ok To Not Feel Ok
Whether your friend or loved one is currently getting treatment or hasnt received a formal diagnosis, its OK if theyre not OK. Everyone has good and bad days. We all deserve some grace.
Sometimes, they might feel shame if theyre experiencing difficult feelings, so it might help to remind them that its OK to feel that way. Making it safe for them to express and sit with their real feelings in your presence can go a long way.
And just because right now is bad doesnt mean later will be.
Be Alert To Signs That Treatment Is Not Working
On the other hand, the absence of any such signs most likely means that ones depression is not improving and may be getting worse, Halaris notes, adding that a major concern in the absence of improvement is whether your loved one is having suicidal thoughts.
This is where you need to very gently raise the question whether they are having even fleeting thoughts of their life not being worth living, Halaris says.
According to Mayo Clinic, signs your loved one may be considering suicide include:
- Making statements such as I wish I were dead or I wish I hadnt been born
- Purchasing a gun or hoarding pills
- Fixating on violence, death, or dying
- Withdrawing from social contact with others
- Feeling hopeless or trapped in their current situation
- Telling people, goodbye, as if theyre going to disappear
- Getting their affairs in order or giving away their belongings with no other plausible explanation for doing so
If your loved one shows signs of considering or planning to take their own life, Halaris and Riba recommend taking steps to reduce their risk of attempting or completing suicide, such as:
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