Help Them Identify And Cope With Sources Of Stress
Its no secret that stress is a significant contributor to depression. Chronic levels of stress pour cortisol into your bloodstream and cause inflammation in your nervous system and every other biological system. In a study of rats published in May 2017 in Scientific Reports, conducted by researchers at universities in Aarhus and Aalborg, Denmark, stress was shown to reduce the brains innate ability to keep itself healthy. The hippocampus, which regulates mood, shrinks, negatively impacting our short-term memory function and learning abilities.
Stress also interrupts healthy coping strategies, which makes a person more vulnerable to mood swings. Your job is to help your loved one identify sources of stress in his or her life and brainstorm about ways to reduce it. These dont have to be dramatic changes. Small tweaks to your day, like employing some deep breathing techniques, can go far in reversing the detrimental effects of stress.
How To Talk To Someone With Depression
When you find out that a friend has depression, the idea is that you want to be sympathetic, but not invasive. First, you can read up on the condition. Educate yourself about what feeling depressed is like, and that way you’ll know a little more about what you can expect during this difficult time that your friend is experiencing. The more you read about how to help a depressed friend, the better prepared you will be for when you’re spending time with them.
A depressed friend might want you to be in their life but to not talk about their condition at all. If that’s the case, then you shouldn’t go out of your way to bring up the subject. You should follow their lead. If you feel like their depression is the proverbial elephant in the room and that you have to say something about it, broach the subject very gently. You can say something like “I know you’re going through a difficult time right now. Is there anything I might do that you would find helpful?” You should also try to pick the right time and place to bring it up. Be tactful, and discuss it in mixed company. You don’t know if your friend feels embarrassed about their situation or if they’re trying to keep their diagnosis under wraps.
Take Their Feelings Seriously
Other Things You Can Say
Commiserate, But Don’t Say That You Understand
Tell Them About Support Services
Support the Use of Antidepressant Medication
Respond to Any Emergencies
Take Good Care of Yourself
Try to Strike a Balance
Supporting Your Loved Ones Treatment
One of the most important things you can do to help a friend or relative with depression is to give your unconditional love and support throughout the treatment process. This involves being compassionate and patient, which is not always easy when dealing with the negativity, hostility, and moodiness that go hand in hand with depression.
Provide whatever assistance the person needs . Help your loved one make and keep appointments, research treatment options, and stay on schedule with any treatment prescribed.
Have realistic expectations. It can be frustrating to watch a depressed friend or family member struggle, especially if progress is slow or stalled. Having patience is important. Even with optimal treatment, recovery from depression doesnt happen overnight.
Lead by example. Encourage the person to lead a healthier, mood-boosting lifestyle by doing it yourself: maintain a positive outlook, eat better, avoid alcohol and drugs, exercise, and lean on others for support.
Encourage activity. Invite your loved one to join you in uplifting activities, like going to a funny movie or having dinner at a favorite restaurant. Exercise is especially helpful, so try to get your depressed loved one moving. Going on walks together is one of the easiest options. Be gently and lovingly persistentdont get discouraged or stop asking.
Don’t Miss: How To Deal With Post Concert Depression
How To Help A Depressed Friend
lthough everything in life seemed right, there was, nevertheless, something very wrong for Jamie. Upon graduation from college, shed been hired into her dream job as a media advisor for a professional association. She had a good salary, exceptional work colleagues, a large circle of friends, and a supportive family.
Still, I felt so miserable, she recalls.
At night, Jamie had trouble sleeping. Her appetite and energy evaporated. Activities she used to enjoy, such as her daily morning jog, felt like an impossible task.
After this had gone on for nearly a month, one of Jamies friends intervened, saying, Im worried about you. You just dont seem yourself. When Jamie confided how lethargic and unmotivated she was feeling and that she even had thoughts of suicide, her friend urged Jamie to see a counselor. Jamie took that advice, and her counselor listened carefully, diagnosed depression, and set out a treatment plan. As is common for many people who suffer with depression, Jamies treatment was effective. Four years later she has not experienced another bout with depression.
The fact is, depression can be immobilizing and all-consuming. And before you think that depression only happens to people who are unspiritual or weak, keep in mind that even spiritual heroes in the Bible experienced depression. King David lamented: I am confined and cannot escape my eyes are dim with grief. . . . Why, Lord, do you reject me and hide your face from me?
Does Depression Look The Same In Everyone
Depression can affect people differently, depending on their age.
Children with depression may be anxious, cranky, pretend to be sick, refuse to go to school, cling to a parent, or worry that a parent may die.
Older children and teens with depression may get into trouble at school, sulk, be easily frustrated feel restless, or have low self-esteem. They also may have other disorders, such as anxiety and eating disorders, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, or substance use disorder. Older children and teens are more likely to experience excessive sleepiness and increased appetite . In adolescence, females begin to experience depression more often than males, likely due to the biological, life cycle, and hormonal factors unique to women.
Younger adults with depression are more likely to be irritable, complain of weight gain and hypersomnia, and have a negative view of life and the future. They often have other disorders, such as generalized anxiety disorder, social phobia, panic disorder, and substance use disorders.
Middle-aged adults with depression may have more depressive episodes, decreased libido, middle-of-the-night insomnia, or early morning awakening. They also may more frequently report having gastrointestinal symptoms such as diarrhea or constipation.
You May Like: No One Takes My Depression Seriously
Take Care Of Yourself
When you care about someone whos living with depression, its tempting to drop everything to be by their side and support them. Its not wrong to want to help a friend, but its also important to take care of your own needs.
If you put all your energy into supporting your friend, youll have very little left for yourself. And if youre feeling burned out or frustrated, you wont be much help to your friend.
Set boundaries
Setting boundaries can help. For example, you might let your friend know youre available to talk after you get home from work, but not before then.
If youre concerned about them feeling like they cant reach you, offer to help them come up with a contingency plan if they need you during your work day. This might involve finding a hotline they can call or coming up with a code word they can text you if theyre in a crisis.
You might offer to stop by every other day or bring a meal twice a week, instead of trying to help every day. Involving other friends can help create a bigger support network.
Practice self-care
Spending a lot of time with a loved one who has depression can take an emotional toll. Know your limits around difficult emotions, and make sure you take time to recharge.
If you need to let your friend know you wont be available for a while, you might say something like, I cant talk until X time. Can I check in with you then?
Be Alert To Signs That Treatment Is Not Working
On the other hand, the absence of any such signs most likely means that ones depression is not improving and may be getting worse, Halaris notes, adding that a major concern in the absence of improvement is whether your loved one is having suicidal thoughts.
This is where you need to very gently raise the question whether they are having even fleeting thoughts of their life not being worth living, Halaris says.
According to Mayo Clinic, signs your loved one may be considering suicide include:
- Making statements such as I wish I were dead or I wish I hadnt been born
- Purchasing a gun or hoarding pills
- Fixating on violence, death, or dying
- Withdrawing from social contact with others
- Feeling hopeless or trapped in their current situation
- Telling people, goodbye, as if theyre going to disappear
- Getting their affairs in order or giving away their belongings with no other plausible explanation for doing so
If your loved one shows signs of considering or planning to take their own life, Halaris and Riba recommend taking steps to reduce their risk of attempting or completing suicide, such as:
RELATED: How to Cope With Anxiety and Depression
You May Like: Moderate Depression Vs Severe Depression
Can I Call You
Be Open To Talking About Depression
Sadly, mental illness is still stigmatized in many cultures, and for some people, depression may feel like a taboo subject. If youre open to talking about difficult feelings and thoughts, this can be hugely reassuring for your friend. By being open and non-judgmental, you provide a safe space for your friend to speak freely.
Of course, you dont need to force the issue. Your loved one may be comfortable talking about their experiences, but it might not be quite the time or place. Being there for them when theyre ready to talk and letting them know that its a safe topic of conversation is enough.
Read Also: What Is A Depressive State
Support Them In Continuing Therapy
On a bad day, your friend might not feel like leaving the house. Depression can zap energy and increase the desire to self-isolate.
If they say something like, I think Im going to cancel my therapy appointment, encourage them to stick with it.
You might say, Last week you said your session was really productive and you felt a lot better afterward. What if todays session helps, too?
The same goes for medication. If your friend wants to stop taking medication because of unpleasant side effects, be supportive, but encourage them to talk with their psychiatrist about switching to a different antidepressant or stopping their medication entirely.
Abruptly stopping antidepressants without the supervision of a healthcare professional may have serious consequences. Typically, reaching out to a healthcare professional before stopping medication use can prevent health complications.
Suggest A Spiritual Connection
More and more professionals are recognizing the healing value of religious faith. When we are feeling alone or depressed, a link with a spiritual community can generate new feelings of hope, acceptance, and love. It can be extremely helpful to encourage a depressed friend to tap into the spiritual.
In their book Getting Your Life Back: The Complete Guide to Recovery from Depression, authors Jesse H. Wright, MD, PhD, and Monica Ramirez Basco, PhD, say the sense of belonging to a faith group can reassure you in times of trouble.
If you make an effort to get to know those with whom you attend services, you can become a type of family, giving and taking support from the larger group, they say.
According to Wright and Basco, you may want to encourage a depressed friend to revisit a church or spiritual practice from their past: The constancy of practices and traditions of your worship group can be reassuring in a world where things change all the time. The rituals you may have complained about as a child can give you a sense of belonging as an adult. When the choir sings a traditional hymn, . . . you may feel reassured that God and your community of fellow-believers are still at your side.
Don’t Miss: Chronic Back Pain And Depression
Encouraging The Person To Get Help
While you cant control someone elses recovery from depression, you can start by encouraging the depressed person to seek help. Getting a depressed person into treatment can be difficult. Depression saps energy and motivation, so even the act of making an appointment or finding a doctor can seem daunting to your loved one. Depression also involves negative ways of thinking. The depressed person may believe that the situation is hopeless and treatment pointless.
Because of these obstacles, getting your loved one to admit to the problemand helping them see that it can be solvedis an essential step in depression recovery.
If your friend or family member resists getting help:
Suggest a general check-up with a physician. Your loved one may be less anxious about seeing a family doctor than a mental health professional. A regular doctors visit is actually a great option, since the doctor can rule out medical causes of depression. If the doctor diagnoses depression, they can refer your loved one to a psychiatrist or psychologist. Sometimes, this professional opinion makes all the difference.
Offer to help the depressed person find a doctor or therapist and go with them on the first visit.Finding the right treatment provider can be difficult, and is often a trial-and-error process. For a depressed person already low on energy, it is a huge help to have assistance making calls and looking into the options.
My Favorite Thing About You Is
Read Also: How To Deal With Postpartum Depression
Extra Tips On Offering Support To People With Depression
Depressed people may need emotional, social, and even financial support. Remember that it can be nerve-wracking to admit that they suffer from depression and require help. So, your confidence and motivation is the key. Your assistance with even simple tasks will be highly beneficial. For example, consider the next options of help for the depressed:
- Help with tasks: Offer to assist them with everyday tasks such as doing the dishes, laundry, shopping, and other household chores.
- Encourage treatment: Depression rarely gets better and will likely worsen if they refuse to seek treatment. Convince them to seek professional care, keep appointments, and take their prescribed medication.
- Accompany them to the clinic: If they express interest and have no problem having a person accompany them to their medical visit, offer assistance. Help them find a qualified mental health clinic and escort them to their appointment. If they have severe symptoms and dont want to have in-person appointments, tell them about the opportunity to get help for depression online.
- Help them stay healthy: Try to motivate them to exercise, eat well, and get enough sleep. A person with depression should also control their alcohol intake since alcohol is a depressant, and its addiction can worsen depression.
Learn About Depression On Your Own
Imagine having to educate each person in your life about a mental or physical health condition youre experiencing explaining it over and over again. Sounds exhausting, right?
You can talk with your friend about their specific symptoms or how theyre feeling, but avoid asking them to tell you about depression in general terms.
Read up on the symptoms, causes, diagnostic criteria, and treatments on your own.
While people experience depression differently, being familiar with the general symptoms and terminology can help you have more in-depth conversations with your friend.
These articles are a good starting point:
Read Also: Depression And Anxiety Center For Discovery And Treatment
Youve Just Got To Stay Positive
This communicates a deep misunderstanding of depression as a disease, and diminishes the persons experience, insinuating that the solution is a simple reframe. Depression is a deeply complex disease that affects not only thinking patterns and emotions, but the actual chemical makeup and structure of the brain.
Friend Is Depressed How To Help
Dear Alice,
I am actually asking for a friend of mine since this situation is getting worse, and I don’t know how to help. The problem is that my friend is very depressed, and has very, very low self-esteem. While sometimes able to be cheerful and “happy,” he claims to rarely feel that way and mostly just hates himself. He has mentioned suicide, although I think this is more an expression of the extreme self-hatred he feels than anything. I comfort him and often tell him how wonderful he is â what a good person, good qualities, etc., but I suspect he does not believe me at all. This has been going on for a long time now, and I think it stems from a somewhat unhappy childhood and adolescence. I don’t know how to help him and I don’t know what to do. I feel like being strong for him is just not enough, and I can’t quite convince him that counseling may do some good. It seems to me that, recently, he has been feeling even worse about himself, to the point where nothing will comfort him. He cannot afford counseling, and he has no health insurance. Is there anything you can suggest for me to tell him or suggest to him? Any help will be greatly appreciated, because I just don’t how to help him. Thank you so much.
â A friend on-the-line
Dear A friend on-the-line,
List from Mayo Clinic.
Best of luck as you continue to support your pal,
May 10, 2019Originally publishedMay 01, 1994
Don’t Miss: Can Stress And Depression Cause Hair Loss