Our Postpartum Depression Story
On August 30, 2013, my beautiful, healthy, and smart daughter Adriana was born. My wife and I were both 30 years old and had everything a young couple could dream of in this world. We felt invincible and unstoppable.
Together we had a connection that brought out the best in each other. Our love gave us the courage to step out of our comfort zones and grow as people and professionals.
We had a once-in-a-lifetime kind of love a love that never dies.
On October 8, 2013 our perfect world changed forever. On that October morning, I awoke to find my wife Alexis lifeless in our basement. Its a sight that still sucks the air out of my lungs.
Listen To Her Feelings
If you know someone who needs some postpartum depression help, they probably are feeling alone, guilty, sad, and like they arent a good mother. They may even be feeling postpartum anxiety or anger. Dont ignore these feelings. Instead, you can offer ppd support by listening to her and showing her that you are there for her listen to her and show her that you are there for her. By being there for her and trying to understand what she is going through without judging or invalidating her feelings, she will feel more safe and supported.
Help Them Find The Right Postpartum Depression Support Resources
Point your partner or loved one to online postpartum depression support resources, like Postpartum Support International. Help them find a trained perinatal mental health professional in their area, join an online support group meeting, or receive dedicated support from a peer mentor a fellow parent whos recovered from a postpartum mood disorder. Many organizations also have helplines that moms can call or text if they ever need to. Psychology Todays directory of mental health professionals is another resource for finding a therapist, psychiatrist, or support group.
Help your partner get set up with the right support and then continue encouraging them through that process. Drive them to a therapy appointment and wait in the car outside, for example. If youre a friend or family member that’s also a mom, consider joining a group together like MOPS or something similar where you live where you can both connect with other women in a similar life stage. Anything you can do to help someone with postpartum depression feel less alone is helpful.
Remind your partner, family member, or friend that PPD is treatable, but recovery takes time. Research has found that depressive symptoms improve with time, although each mothers timeline is different. About a third to a half of women with PPD still show depressive symptoms at one year postpartum.
Read more:
American Psychological Association. 2011. The Exercise Effect.
Recommended Reading: What Can Untreated Depression Lead To
Dont Try To Fix It Its Not Yours To Fix
Sound familiar? This is very similar to my first piece of advice if your wife is having an episode, and thats because this fact forms the foundation of how you help your wife through PPD.
This “Fixer” mindset will be your Achilles’ heel.
Im a fixer by nature, so this was a HUGE struggle for me. If I see a problem, I want to fix it. And if I cant fix it, that means Im doing a bad job.
The thing is, your job right now is not to FIX your wifes postpartum depression.
Why? Because its not yours to fix. You cant fix it.
Your job is to support your wife, love her, encourage her, forgive her All of that. But not to fix her. You just cant be the one to do that.
This fixer mindset will be your Achilles heel. It certainly was for me.
Trust me, I tried many, many times to fix my wife’s postpartum depression for her, in many different ways. It only made things worse.
Your wife can and will find her way out of postpartum depression. But only she can do it. You cant do it for her.
Tip : Lean On Others For Help And Support
Human beings are social. Positive social contact relieves stress faster and more efficiently than any other means of stress reduction. Historically and from an evolutionary perspective, new mothers received help from those around them when caring for themselves and their infants after childbirth. In todays world, new mothers often find themselves alone, exhausted and lonely for supportive adult contact. Here are some ideas for connecting to others:
Make your relationships a priority. When youre feeling depressed and vulnerable, its more important than ever to stay connected to family and friendseven if youd rather be alone. Isolating yourself will only make your situation feel even bleaker, so make your adult relationships a priority. Let your loved ones know what you need and how youd like to be supported.
Dont keep your feelings to yourself. In addition to the practical help your friends and family can provide, they can also serve as a much-needed emotional outlet. Share what youre experiencingthe good, the bad, and the uglywith at least one other person, preferably face to face. It doesnt matter who you talk to, so long as that person is willing to listen without judgment and offer reassurance and support.
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What Should I Do If I Have Symptoms Of Postpartum Depression
- Your baby blues dont go away after 2 weeks
- Symptoms of depression get more and more intense
- Symptoms of depression begin within 1 year of delivery and last more than 2 weeks
- It is difficult to work or get things done at home
- You cannot care for yourself or your baby
- You have thoughts about hurting yourself or your baby
Ask your partner or a loved one to call for you if necessary. Your doctor, nurse, or midwife can ask you questions to test for depression. They can also refer you to a mental health professional for help and treatment.
When Does Postpartum Depression Start
The onset of postpartum depression is typically seen in parents when their child is between the newborn stage and 6 months of age. The experience, however, is not limited to the first six months after birth.
The American Psychiatric Association and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists use the modifier “postpartum” to note when a person is diagnosed with depression within the first year after the birth of a child.
However, some people feel the effects of postpartum depression longer than a year after giving birth. As more people open up about their experiences with postpartum depression, it’s becoming clear that the condition affects each individual differently.
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Tips For Parents To Help Their Struggling Teens
Are you concerned for your teen?If you worry that your teen might be experiencing depression or suicidal thoughts, there are a few things you can do to help. Dr. Christine Moutier, the chief medical officer of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, suggests these steps:
Look for changes.Notice shifts in sleeping and eating habits in your teen, as well as any issues he or she might be having at school, such as slipping grades. Watch for angry outbursts, mood swings and a loss of interest in activities they used to love. Stay attuned to their social media posts as well.
Keep the lines of communication open.If you notice something unusual, start a conversation. But your child might not want to talk. In that case, offer him or her help in finding a trusted person to share their struggles with instead.
Seek out professional support.A child who expresses suicidal thoughts may benefit from a mental health evaluation and treatment. You can start by speaking with your childs pediatrician or a mental health professional.
In an emergency:If you have immediate concern for your childs safety, do not leave him or her alone. Call a suicide prevention lifeline. Lock up any potentially lethal objects. Children who are actively trying to harm themselves should be taken to the closest emergency room.
Even though youre really tired and may not be thinking as clearly, you want to do things and be around other people, said Dr. Trachtenberg. There is still pleasure in moments.
Take Action To Help With The Small Stuff
When youre overwhelmed and sleep-deprived, its not easy to get everything done. It can also be very difficult to feel comfortable enough to ask for help. Many women feel pressured to play the part of a happy new mom and appear as though they have everything under control. So instead of waiting to be asked for help, go ahead and offer to do some of the basics, such as
- Washing the dishes
- Bringing healthy and comforting meals
- Preparing or sending a gift card for a meal delivery service
- Asking what errands need to be done
- Clean, clean, and clean
- Manage her home temporarily so she can nap
You can also ask family or friends if theres anything, in particular, they know that would be helpful. These little things are an especially underrated way to help a wife with postpartum depression.
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How To Get Help & Additional Resources
- The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24/7 for anyone who is in distress or dealing with suicidal thoughts. You can call the hotline at 1-800-273-TALK to speak with someone.
- The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists provides a detailed resource on postpartum depression as well as a pregnancy book for purchase for women who are currently carrying a child.
- The Office on Womens Health also provides a detailed guide to PPD, including symptoms, causes, and information about treatment options.
- Postpartum Support International has an entire website devoted to the topic, including numerous reading resources and links to local resources.
This guide is for informational purposes only. Its meant to be an educational guide to introduce the topic of postpartum depression and some related facts. It is not meant to be a diagnostic tool or provide any recommendations for treatment. If you are struggling with any of the symptoms discussed in this document or believe you are dealing with PPD, consult with your medical provider for more information and advice on the next steps that are right for you.
Can You Get Postpartum Depression After The First Year
by Kate Kripke |
While I cant make a blanket statement about each and every woman who calls me, more times than not these womenone, two, or three years past the birth of their little onesare struggling with a form of maternal distress that dates back, in one way or another, to their pregnancy, postpartum, or even before. While these moms wouldnt technically have postpartum depression any longer, they are often struggling with what I will call here continued postpartum distress that was never adequately supported when they first noticed symptoms.
When we use the terms prenatal/antenatal and postpartum depression, we are really simply talking about an episode of depression or anxiety that occurs sometime during pregnancy or the first year postpartum. We believe that early symptoms, whether mild or severe, are caused by hormonal shifts during pregnancy or following delivery, physiological stressors like sleep deprivation and nutrient depletion, psychological strain including thought patterns that are likely to cause distress , and/or other environmental stressors such as trauma, relationship conflict, or changes in finances, employment, or residence.
However any one or more of the following are usually what we discover when we are together in my office.
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Living With Postpartum Depression
Feeling depressed doesnt mean that you are a bad person. It doesnt mean that you did something wrong or that you brought this on yourself. It also does not mean that you dont love your baby. If you have given birth recently and are feeling sad, blue, anxious, irritable, tired, or have any of the other symptoms of postpartum depression, remember that many other women have had the same experience.
Youre not losing your mind or going crazy. You shouldnt feel that you just have to suffer through it. Here are some things you can do that other mothers with postpartum depression have found helpful:
Is It The Baby Blues Or Postpartum Depression
The majority of women experience at least some symptoms of the baby blues immediately after childbirth. Its caused by the sudden change in hormones after delivery, combined with stress, isolation, sleep deprivation, and fatigue. You might feel more tearful, overwhelmed, and emotionally fragile. Generally, this will start within the first couple of days after delivery, peak around one week, and taper off by the end of the second week postpartum.
The baby blues are perfectly normal, but if your symptoms dont go away after a few weeks or get worse, you may be suffering from postpartum depression.
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Does Postpartum Depression Qualify For A Disability
Women who need certain accommodations after pregnancy due to postpartum depression may be considered a disability under the Americans with Disability Act . The individual affected with postpartum depression can be permitted certain accommodations with employers. Postpartum depression awareness month takes place in May.
Where To Find Support For Postpartum Depression
If youre experiencing symptoms of postpartum depression, you should contact a healthcare professional as soon as possible to discuss treatment and address your physical symptoms.
They can also refer you to a therapist or other local resources to help you navigate the postpartum period and your diagnosis.
These organizations can help guide you to the appropriate resources:
- The National Alliance on Mental Illness : A mental illness organization dedicated to supporting and building better lives for Americans affected by mental illness.
- Postpartum Support International: This resource offers education, online support, and information about local resources. You can reach them by calling 800-944-4773.
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In The Moment: Helping Your Wife Survive Intense Episodes Of Postpartum Depression
Well get to the big picture stuff – the stuff you should be doing all the time throughout your wifes struggle with postpartum depression – but first I wanted to talk about how to handle those really bad days..
This is the part that took me a very, very long time to figure out:
- What is the best way to handle a really bad episode of postpartum depression?
- What do you do when your wife is expressing her anger or sadness in unhealthy ways?
- How do you help her pull out of the depressive episode as quickly as possible?
Ive made a list that runs through the details, but it can really be summed up in one sentence:
Heres a more detailed description of dos and donts:
Encourage Her To Talk
First of all encourage your friend to talk about how she feels without judgement or advice. Women often dont need a fix but to just be listened to so they can process how they feel about the transition. If you have a child, normalizing her experience by talking about what you found hard too can help as long as you dont turn it round to be all about your own experience.
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I Am Struggling With Postpartum Depression After The Birth Of My Daughter And Now We Have To Stay Indoors What Can I Do
Answer: Ann-Marie OBrien, MSW, RSW and Nancy McLaren Kennedy, MSW, RSW
Congratulations on the birth of your daughter! Having a new baby and PPD is challenging and now you have the extra stressor of social distancing due to COVID-19. These are uncertain times for everyone. It’s normal to be worried. You may have an image in your mind of how things should be with a new baby and the reality isnt matching up. People with depression need to take extra steps to maintain their wellness. The following are some suggestions for taking care of yourself, based on our lived experience of PPD and also listening to many moms who have lived through it!
Keep in mind that your partner can also become depressed during pregnancy or after the birth of their baby and these suggestions will work for either parent.
Contact A Medical Professional For Treatment
If your symptoms are severe if you feel you might harm yourself or your baby, for example go to an emergency room. Otherwise, contact your ob-gyn, your childs pediatrician or your primary care provider to seek treatment and a mental health referral. Sometimes postpartum depression or anxiety can improve over time without intervention, Dr. Snyder said, but treatment will speed up the process and allow mom to enjoy her baby and her life now rather than waiting for months or longer.
Treatment can involve medication, talk therapy, changes in behavior or lifestyle , or some combination of the three. Antidepressants, particularly selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, are the gold standard for treating postpartum depression and are safe to take while breastfeeding, Dr. Snyder said.
Another reason to seek treatment: Untreated postpartum depression has been shown to pose long-lasting behavioral and neurodevelopmental risks to a womans children. It can cause marital strife and anxiety for other children in the home who often dont understand what is wrong but can identify that Mommy isnt herself, Dr. Snyder said.
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