Stress Is Not Anxiety Or Depression
Stress is not the same as anxiety or depression but for some people, being stressed for a long time can lead to anxiety or depression, and it can affect a persons physical health, particularly cardiovascular health.
When we talk about being stressed, it usually means were upset or tense about something thats happening in our lives. Stress is a normal part of daily life. Its a natural physical and mental response that is designed to help people cope effectively with emergencies.
Some stress can be a good thing. It can help us get motivated to get things done, but health problems from stress happen when it is regular and doesnt let up.
How To Help Your Spouse Deal With Anxiety
For me, it often happens in the evening . It feels like a sudden Visitor at your door who comes in unannounced and spreads an uncomfortable, heavy, warm, wet blanket over you, gradually but quickly covering your whole body, and I feel it mainly in my chest. As soon as I feel myself covered, Im very aware of the sense of unexplained dread thats overcome me. Often my vision narrows and its difficult to concentrate on what people are saying. I can feel my heart pounding. My breathing is shallow. And its hard not to just sit there, paralyzed, and feel intense fear for something that I dont know how to define.
Sometimes it takes a long while for the feeling to gradually dissipate. Other times, it just sort of leaves quickly, like it wanted to slip quietly out the back door without anyone noticing. Its exhausting. And the most frustrating part, every time, is the nonsensical, illogical way the Visitor just comes and goes, without any sort of reason, at least none that I can think of.
Anxiety attacks are a beast, and Ive experienced them for years. Every time Ive had to deal with anxiety, my wife, Kristin, has been there right beside me, walking the road. She can tell when the Visitor is at the door because she can hear me trying to catch my breath.
Feeling anxious?
What Is Anxiety Exactly?
However, this process is only made to come and go as needed. Its not meant to pop up without warning and interfere with everyday life.
What Spouses Can Do
Be Your Partners Stress
Heres the good news:
While you cant fix your wifes anxiety, you do have the power to make a difference in how she experiences it.
You can add to her stress and anxiety by becoming angry, defensive, and shutting down.
Or, you can be a stress reducer a safe haven for your wife when shes battling the storm. The key is to listen to your wife the way she wants to be listened to.
In order to do this, there are four things I want you NOT to do, and three things I want you TO DO in your conversations with your wife about her anxiety.
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Questions To Encourage Self
Self-education and self-care are both vital to successfully helping care for and foster a healthy relationship with a partner living with depression.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness reminds caregivers that you must first take care of yourself to be able to take care of the people you love. To do this successfully, here are a few questions to ask yourself in private:
- Are you getting between 7 and 9 hours of sleep each night?
- Are you drinking or using drugs to cope with the stress?
- Are you exercising daily?
- Are you experiencing physical symptoms like headaches, insomnia, or digestive issues?
- Do you have people you can talk to who understand what youre going through?
- Where can you locate resources to help you?
Karen likens it to the oxygen mask that will drop from the ceiling of an airplane in the unlikely event of losing cabin pressure. Any parent would have the impulse to put it on their children first, but that usually results in the parent losing consciousness before they save the child. Both people suffer.
Put your oxygen mask on first, so you can best help your partner with this challenging situation.
Managing Your Reactions To The Anxiety
When your partner talks about his or her anxiety in the context of your relationship, its easy to take it personally and become upset. Its easy to interpret anxiety as selfishness, rejection or an attempt to create distance, but try not to.
If you start to feel frustrated with your partners anxiety you should take a step back and ask yourself why you are having this kind of reaction. This will help you understand yourself better and prevent you from giving a negative reaction to your partner. Bisma Anwar, LMHC
Imagine your partner says she has anxiety about you cheating. If you take it personally, you might think she has this anxiety because she judges you or thinks you are the kind of person who is likely to cheat.
The moment you make it about you, youll start to feel upset. You might react defensively and say something mean.
When you react with anger, your response is most likely coming from a place of fear and hurt feelings. Doing your best to not react out of anger is key, and apologizing after for anything hurtful youve said or done is crucial to reconciliation.
Then your partner will strike back. Flash forward to an hour later and youre fighting. The argument has snowballed. You might not even remember why you are fighting.
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Communicate With Your Spouse
When you have a spouse with mental illness, it can be easy to feel as if you are walking on eggshells, fearful that you will say or do the wrong thing or that your own concerns are not worth bringing up. It can be common for both of you to attribute legitimate relationship issues with symptoms of mental illness, keeping you from dealing with them as real conflicts. You may also both resent the patient-caretaker dynamic that so often emerges when a partner has a mental health disorder. Talking to your spouse about what both of you are experiencing can be essential to understanding each other and learning how to effectively nurture your relationship in troubled times.
The hard part has been the unspoken expectations and resentments that can pile up between us when were navigating an illness episode, says Mark Lukach, whose wife struggles with bipolar disorder. After the first one, we have had to have some really hard talks. Talking through our experiences let us share our pain, resentment, and tensionand realize that were in this together and have an unshakeable bond.
You Can Find Happiness Again
Emotional discomfort doesnt always mean something has gone wrong. Agonizing over the end of a relationship often signifies that you made yourself vulnerable, you opened yourself up to another person, and you are capable of connection. If met with awareness and intention, a breakup can actually help you learn to choose a better partner and redefine your boundaries better in the future.
Often, the pain of a break up ends when you can fully acknowledge that even though parts of the relationship were great, it doesnt mean that ending the relationship was a mistake. When you miss your college days, do you take it as a sign that graduating and moving on wasnt meant to be? Past relationships are also necessary for learning and growing. I hope you take the opportunity for self-discovery, growth, and emotional progress so that you can find happiness again!
And when its all said and done, Mike Loves Syd, xxoo.
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How Anxiety Destroys Relationships
There is an abundance of information about how anxiety impacts our healthmentally, emotionally, and physically. Have you considered the impact anxiety may have on the health of your relationship?
Anxiety can cause periods of panic, feelings of fear or overwhelm, and a general sense of unease and tension. It can take over your thoughts and bleed into many areas of your life.
If you are feeling a strain on your relationship, anxiety may be playing a role. Could your anxiety be putting your relationship at risk?
Heres how and why anxiety destroys relationships, and what you can do to stop it.
Accept That There Will Be Bad Days
People with depression have good days and bad days. To deal with the bad days:
- expect that they will happen
- understand that this is a normal part of depression
- do not withdraw love or support during these times
- take some time out and do something enjoyable, either alone or with others
- remember that not every day will be like this there will be good days too
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Going To Therapy Yourself
Whether your partner accepts or resists your suggestion to go to therapy, you should do it yourself. It will help you develop the skills necessary to understand and cope with your partners anxiety. A therapist can also teach you how to more effectively become a supportive partner.
When you are dating someone with anxiety, its easy to forget about taking care of yourself. By going to therapy, you can ensure you are still focusing on your own mental health.
Remember To Help Yourself As Well
Caring for a partner with depression can be emotionally draining. Its important to practice self-care and increase your own support during this time. It is extremely important for partners of those with a depression to take care of themselves. These tips will help you cope:
- Dont give up your own life and interests. Engage in your outside interests and hobbies for a break from the stresses of your daily life.
- Maintain a support system. Having friends and family to confide in ways your partner cannot is important for your overall emotion well being.
- Seek professional help for yourself, if needed. The recovery process can be stressful for partners of those struggling with mental health illnesses. Your well-being is just as important as your partners. If you need someone to talk to, or if you think you may be suffering from symptoms of anxiety or depression, contact your doctor or consider visiting a mental health professional or joining a community group.
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Help Your Partner Remember That The Goal Is To Manage Anxiety Not To Get Rid Of It
A lot of people with anxiety disorders understandably view anxiety as the enemy, Newman says. Actually, its not. The real enemy is avoidance. Anxiety causes to avoid things like applying to schools, flying to a cousins wedding an enriched life. And that causes depression.
It can also reduce the number of life experiences you and your partner share.
You can have an anxious life, but if you do things youre doing that job interview, youre saying yes to social invitations, youre getting in that car and driving to the ocean even though you dont want to drive 10 miles youre doing those things still, Newman says. OK, you might need or therapy, but youre still living life.
Help Them To Help Themselves
Anxiety is very treatable, both with medication and talking therapies. Having someone along on the journey to help makes it easier. Your partner might find it difficult to go and see the GP or a therapist about how they are feeling, so it can be a help to offer to go along with them. It may be helpful to practice things like relaxation and mindfulness with them to help them normalise the experience, especially in the early practices. Ultimately the decision to seek help will be your partners, and some people choose to deal with their anxiety themselves. Whatever they decide, be supportive of your partners decision.
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Find Positive Ways To Manage Your Own Stress
Having a partner with anxiety may lead to feelings of heightened stress. Its important to acknowledge and accept that this is truly something that can cause life stress and then find ways to manage it.
Some scientifically proven examples of ways to reduce stress are: exercise to boost endorphins, practice deep breathing to send signals to your brain to calm down and release anxiety, practice mindfulness and attempt to focus on doing one thing at a time. Feel free to incorporate any other stress reduction techniques that feel right for you. The world could definitely use less stress.
How To Take Care Of Yourself When Your Partner Has Depression
When the person you love is experiencing depression, it can also affect your mood. Thats why its important to carve out time to take care of yourself, too.
Its as the age-old idiom goes, you have to put on your own oxygen mask first, before you put on someone elses.
These are some of the ways you can practice self-care:
- If possible, eat whole, nutrient-dense foods.
- Keep up with the hobbies you love.
- Stay connected to your friends and family.
- Get alone time and manage social exhaustion, especially if youre an introvert.
- Journal or talk about your feelings with a confidante.
- Engage in relaxing activities, like a bubble bath or massage.
- Get plenty of sleep, between 7 and 9 hours a night.
- Get 30 minutes of moderate physical activity, 5 times a week.
Try to practice loving detachment as well. Recognize that your partner is not behaving this way on purpose this is not a reflection on you or how youre showing up in the relationship. Its not your partners fault either its the depression.
Most importantly, try being patient with yourself. Its natural to feel however you feel, be it angry, overwhelmed, confused, helpless, guilty, or any other emotion thats coming up.
If you need to, you can always reach out to a therapist for added support.
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When To Seek Professional Help
In some cases, symptoms of depression may become more severe or intense. It may be a good idea to seek the help of a healthcare professional in these instances.
Only a mental healthcare professional may be able to determine the severity of a symptom and the necessary intervention.
Some of the signs you may be able to recognize include:
- rapid changes in mood
A Diagnosis: Adjustment Disorders Stress And Depression
My therapist diagnosed me with an adjustment disorder, which is exactly what it sounds like: a physical and emotional response when the stress of an event becomes too big to cope with on your own. Its a stress response that can lead to situational depression, it usually takes hold within three months of a stressful event, and typically takes three to six months to resolve itself when the diagnosis is acute. It can move more quickly with treatment, which can include therapy and medication.
Having a name for what I was going through didnt make it much easier to handle. I had a tremendous amount going on at the time of the breakup. I had recently ended a 10-year-relationship and was struggling to get along with my ex-husband I had two kids to take care of, mounting financial stress, and an underlying mental health condition . There were other jarring events around the same time, like my family cat died suddenly my own health was shaky at best, and far from a priority for my attention. Basically, in the aftermath of the breakup, I felt like my entire life was crumbling from all angles and I was powerless against it. Ultimately, it was too much and my mental health suffered terribly.
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When To Call It Quits On A Relationship
If there is no more active investment in your relationship, it could be a sign that one or both of you have already subconsciously made the decision to call it quits. Interviewing divorce lawyers or speaking to real estate agents to keep your options open likely means that you dont really want your options open.
Offer To Help With Tasks
If you live together, sit down as a couple and figure out how you can work together to get both of your needs met. If something they usually take care of feels like too much right now, you may want to ask them what would feel more intuitive at this time.
For example, maybe they can swap out laundry for paying bills online for the month. Or, instead of doing the dishes, they can water the plants. If you are up for it, you may even offer to take on a little more than usual for a few days.
If its accessible for you as a couple, you could find out what things you can automate. For example, grocery delivery services may waive a delivery fee if you place an order large enough for a weeks worth of food. Going to the grocery store will be one less thing for both of you to do.
If you dont live together, you may also find a way to help your partner with their chores. You could also come up with ways to check on them while taking care of specific tasks.
For example, you may explore the possibility of cooking a few dishes for them so they have some lunches ready for the week.
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