Write A Letter Of Self
You may find yourself blaming yourself for depression. Please, forgive yourself.
The antidote to self-flagellation is self-forgiveness. Forgive yourself for having depression.
Be specific about what youre forgiving yourself for.
For example,
Dear John,
I forgive you for having depression. I know that this time is frustrating because you feel that youre not moving forward with any of your goals, and that youre being pushed back instead!
But I forgive you.
Take Time To Yourself
Speaking of future relationships, it may be worth taking a break from dating rather than rushing into a new romance. Love and intimacy might seem like a great way to fill lonely hours and soothe the wounds in your heart. That said, starting a new relationship when the loss of your marriage has yet to heal wont necessarily help.
You could end up:
- comparing your new partner to your ex
- finding it difficult to give the new relationship the emotional commitment it deserves
- sidelining your physical and mental health needs in favor of your new partners needs
Without a doubt, time alone can feel terrifying, especially if youve never lived alone. But its absolutely possible to find contentment, even happiness, on your own.
Identify Your Sense Of Purpose
Not everyone can clearly state their sense of purpose with or without symptoms of depression.
When you know what drives you in life, you can have something specific to work toward. Your purpose might not be the same as someone elses. It may not even be what it used to be a few months ago.
What satisfies you and brings you inner peace is very unique to you and your current circumstances.
You may want to let go of what you thought was important in the past. Maybe youve changed, and thats OK. Try looking at the meaning of your life with new eyes.
You may also want to resist the urge to add a but at the end of your sentences.
It may feel like you dont have all the resources or opportunities right now. Try not to let that train of thought stop you from setting your goals and life vision.
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Setting Your Sights Higher
Studies have shown that a sense of accomplishment is an important element in developing positive well-being over time as it has more value than completing tasks with no personal value
Restarting life after recovering from mood disorders such as depression can also involve revisiting what you want to accomplish academically or in your personal relationships, or even in your career. Striving to progress may start with small goals such as updating your resume, applying for jobs that are considerate of your wellbeing, or reapplying for colleges, or re-submitting your essays.
Research finds that completing tasks that are of personal value and achieving goals that allows you to progress in life involves instilling positive emotions such as hope into our lives which can be a large influence on our perspective of life.
While setting your sights higher it is important to remember to be mindful of your pace and set goals that are realistic and achievable.
Restarting your life after depression will not happen overnight, it is not a one-time investment rather recovery from depression is a long-term investment into yourself. Putting effort into areas and milestones mentioned above can help smoothen the transition from living life passively to engaging and flourishing.
Test These Steps To Find Yourself Again
- Close your eyes and let your mind wander
- What fleeting happiness can you savor by being here in this very moment? Where does that moment lead you?
- Are you open to rediscovering yourself, your longing and your discontent? Is there a clue hiding in a problem that is currently disrupting your life?
- What new and small skill can you learn today like trying a new way to cook your next meal or visiting a different market, or taking a new route on your nightly walk?
- And what can you discard today that is weighing you down?
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Limit Use Of Electronics Starting At Night
Our electronic devices have become one of our main windows to the world and to each other. When our brains become used to reward cues coming mainly from our phones and computers, it can dull our ability to feel enjoyment from non-electronic experiences, Felger says.
Felger says to slowly reduce your electronic use in the hours leading up to bedtime, so you can reap some of the benefits to support sleep as well.
Create Meaningful Connection Daily
I lay in bed. As I looked back at the great meal that we had as a family hours ago, it struck me.
This wouldnt last forever.
One day, my sister would move out, I would move out, and then these spontaneous connections, wouldnt happen as often.
I admit. I dont spend much time with my family. Growing up, it was much easier to spend time with friends, than with family. After all, I saw them everyday. It wasnt so special to meet them.
But then COVID happened. And there was suddenly this chance to connect with them daily. As I connected with them, I found life and laughter again.
Getting your life back on track after depression is seeing that life is not about you. Its easy to get caught up in how you feel. But look past that.
Connect with people around you.
You might wonder how do I do that amidst COVID, with all the restrictions?
Be intentional.
Some things that have been helpful for me are:
- Arrange calls with friends.
- Writing letters to them.
- Personally, this has helped me a lot because it gives an outlet for my emotions, and helps me to feel connected in difficult times. I also do not need to arrange anything. I just need to take out paper, and write!
- Explore a new place with a friend.
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I Pay Attention To How I Talk To Myself
A therapist once referred to the ânegative tapeâ playing in my head, and she couldnât have described it better. For years I didnât notice how much guilt, shame, and cognitive distortions impacted how I talked to myself. Throughout the day I had a running inner monologue that told me I wasnât lovable, didnât do enough, and should have tried harder â regardless of how well I had done or how much I was loved.
The first step in changing how I talk to myself was becoming aware. I began to notice how often I put myself down, or scrutinized my behavior. Once I even kept a tally of how many times Iâd criticized myself in one day. I started saying to myself, Amy, you are doing it again. Step away from the negative messages. Change the channel.
I began to realize that I had a choice: I could tell myself something new. I now make a concerted effort to replace the negative messages with affirming statements. I tell myself that I did a good job, that I am a good friend, and â most importantly â that I love who I am.
Losing Your Identity After Having A Baby
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HomePregnancyHubAfter the birth Losing your identity after having a baby
Some parents have told us that they have struggled with a loss of identity after having a baby. If this is how you feel, dont worry. Many other parents feel the same way. There are things you can do to help you adjust.
We know it can be difficult having a baby during the pandemic. We have more information about bringing your baby home during the pandemic and staying connected when you have a newborn.
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Don’t Let Depression Take Away Your Identity Completely
While depression might change parts of our identity, there are ways to keep it from taking away our identity completely. For me, it has been a journey of reclaiming myself piece by piece and also becoming someone new, too. I hope you will discover a stronger and more beautiful identity underneath your exterior of depression.
How To Find Yourself During Motherhood
Okay, so youâve realized that you have lost touch with who you are after becoming a mom. What can you do about it? How do you reclaim your lost identity?
The cool thing is the road to self discovery can be a lot of fun. Itâs kind of like dating yourself. Letâs face it motherhood does change you. You may find that your wants and desires have shifted. What once made you happy may not be as appealing anymore.
The only way to know is to take the time to go on a self discovery journey. This while allow you to reflect on your life before motherhood, assess your current frame of mind, and decide what it is you actually want for your life.
There are other things youâll need to do but the self discovery journey is step 1!
Now that you know what you want, itâs time to:
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Do Things That Make You Happy
Remind yourself that finding a way back to happiness is possible – even if depression is causing you to feel sad, guilty, hopeless, or fatigued. General discontent and loss of interest in activities you used to enjoy are symptoms of depression however, you can break this cycle by taking small, daily steps toward resuming hobbies or activities that used to bring you joy or a sense of accomplishment.
Try picking up that new book by your favorite author, or expressing yourself through music or art, or plan an outing to a museum, the movies, or even a coffee shop. If you dont have a strong support network in your life currently, sign up for a cooking or photography class or visit a yoga studio to bring some balance to both your mind and body.
How Depression Steals Your Joy
The human brain is programmed to seek rewards that produce positive feelings. We might find our joy in reading, going for a run or spending the afternoon with a good friend. For those who live with depression, the activities that once brought happiness lose their luster.
Reward erosion is the psychological term used to describe this declining perception of joy or pleasure that depression brings about. Influenced by this cognitive distortion, sadness creeps in and takes over both our thoughts and behaviors. And as a result, we stop pursuing our favorite pastimes because they dont sound like any fun any longer. Eventually, life becomes a blur of avoidance and emptiness.
The pursuit of rewards and enjoyment come naturally to most people. But with the right combination of intention, effort, and professional support, depression sufferers can overcome this cycle of sadness.
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Reconnect With Your Partner
If you have a partner, things may change. When a baby arrives, youll now have another person to think about. Date nights, sex and even conversations may be difficult, at least in the beginning, as you both focus on feeding, nappy changes and trying to get some sleep.
You may both sometimes feel that your role as a parent has taken away your identity as partner. As well as making time to bond with your baby, try to make time to bond with your partner. This may be as simple as watching a film together on a Saturday night or eating dinner together.
Treat Yourself Like You’d Treat A Best Friend
“Do anything you can to convey to yourself that you are worthy of care and worthy of compassion,” says Nadeau. You may not feel like going for a walk or socializing because it’s not going to make you feel better, but to convey to yourself that you’re worthy of care, you would ask yourself: “What would be most helpful for me right now? How can I show myself care and compassion?”
Identify thinking patterns that could be detrimental to your journey to caring for yourself, such as a tendency for all-or-nothing thinking. All-or-nothing thinking looks like believing that in order to socialize, you need to have fun activities planned and conversations that flow easily the entire time, or it is not worth it. Becoming aware of this thinking pattern helps you start brainstorming what alternative thoughts might be more helpful instead and actually increase motivation.
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Youre Not Alone So Seek Help And Support
You are not alone, each person interviewed says.
The reality, says Harman, is that depression is an indiscriminate mother. It affects all different kinds of people: the pretty ones and the not-so-pretty ones, the quick and the slow, the rich and the poor.
Yet everyone interviewed says they battled loneliness, and emphasize the importance of support networks.
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Feeling completely alone was a huge problem for me, Hutton says. I started to believe I was worthless. Going back to school helped ease her symptoms because she could focus on something new. It didnt completely go away, and Ive had many setbacks since, but a new direction in life pulls me back from the worst of it.
Seeking help sooner might have helped Everyday Health columnist Therese Borchard avoid a breakdown that lasted two years after her second child was born, she says. Lukasik says he was profoundly lonely and would have benefited from a support group sooner.
Not having a local community should not keep you from finding a support network in the age of social media, suggests Claude, who established a depression support website. He found a wonderful community of mental health advocates on Twitter who offered substantial support. Borchard also started the Beyond Blue Foundation, a nonprofit organization that provides hope and support to people with treatment-resistant depression and other chronic mood disorders.
Get Treatment But Dont Limit Your Treatment Options
The most common regret Gelbart hears from patients is that they didn’t seek help sooner.
I wish I hadnt delayed going on medication, Claude says. Stigma played a role in his reluctance to accept his diagnosis, but once he learned of a family history of depression and anxiety, he accepted the need to take medication. I knew it was the right decision a few weeks later when my daughter came to me one day completely out of the blue and said to me, I love the new Daddy.
Yet others, such as Borchard, regret not exploring different options before taking medication.
In hindsight, I wish I had exhausted the holistic ways of treating depression before I grabbed for medication and learned how much other underlying issues were causing depressive symptoms because the side effects of being on medication for so long have really started to compromise my health, she says.
Among other treatment options are psychotherapy, mindfulness meditation, and exercise.
There has been much research on the positive benefits of exercise for depression, with many studies indicating that it’s just as successful as medication, Gelbart notes. Mindfulness and meditation have also shown an effectiveness similar to that of medication, though Gelbart emphasizes that the strongest responses usually include a combination of psychotherapy, medication, and exercise.
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The People That Didn’t Stay Werent Worth Hanging Around For
When you feel so hopeless, it can be hard to be around yourself, let alone for anyone else to be around you. It doesnt mean no-one will try. Depression can teach you who your real friends are and thats no bad thing. When its over, reach out to anyone youve lost contact with and give them the chance to reconnect. Count those who sat up with you all night talking you out of giving up because they cared, or sat with you in the waiting room at the doctors because you were scared to go alone, or hugged you and told you they loved you because they didnt want to lose you. These people are worth a million of the people who ran the moment you really needed them.
I Breathe Deeply All Day Every Day
When my anxiety starts to build, my breathing becomes rapid and shallow. I feel physical tension, especially in my shoulders and jaw. Taking a series of deep breaths helps me to pause and step outside of my racing thoughts. Inhaling and exhaling gives me an emotional release, and it also helps me physically.
Deep breathing increases circulation, releases endorphins, and relaxes muscles. I do my breath work throughout the day, not just when I start to feel anxious or depressed. What I love about deep breathing is that I can do it anywhere â in the shower, in the car, at my desk, and even while having a conversation. I can give myself a 10-second break, no matter what I am doing.
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How To Rediscover Yourself After Loss
In life were always going through transitions. This is the nature of life. Birth and death. Inhale and exhale. Spring, summer, winter and fall. We are constantly in a state of change. Some of these transitions are easier to embrace while others, like losing a loved one, going through a divorce or breakup, losing a job or moving from a beloved home, for instance, really shake us to the core.
When we lose someone or something we love, we lose a part of ourselves. The people and things we love and regularly associate with become part of our story. We wrap our identities up in those we love. They become a part of us. So when they pass away or move on, we are left with a void. A void that can feel so empty and so overpowering it consumes us at times, maybe even all the time.
©Erika Somogyi “Self Portrait as the Lost Coast”
In essence, it becomes a double loss. Not only are we dealing with the loss of someone or something we love, we are dealing with the loss of our own identities. Without your loved one, who are you?
This was an unspoken question buried deep in my heart after my mom died. My mom was my best friend, my soul mate, my everything. I looked to her for advice, to boost my self confidence and to strengthen my faith. After she passed away, I felt lost without her. Nobody else understood me the way she did. Nobody else loved me the way she did. How could I go on without her championing me throughout my life the way she always had?