Saturday, March 23, 2024

How To Tell If My Friend Is Depressed

Don’t Minimize What They’re Going Through

8 Signs Your Friend Is Depressed

Don’t tell them there are starving children in Africa, and don’t tell them you know exactly how they feel.

Even if you’ve had firsthand experience with depression, everyone’s experience is different. Thus, stick with empathizing rather than identifying . It can help to share your own experience, but make sure they’re aware you’re not implying it’s the same situation. Similarly, don’t minimize what they’re going through by telling them things like “It could be worse,” or “Come on, things aren’t that bad. At least you have your job/ family/ health, etc.” That will just lead to their feeling misunderstood, frustrated, and ashamed.

How To Help A Friend With Depression: 13 Strategies That Can Help

Reviewed by Laura Angers, LPC

You may have a friend or loved one who seems depressed or has been diagnosed with depression, and you arent sure how to reach out to them. Depression can be a touchy subject and the last thing you want to do is say something that will hurt them.

How To Tell I A Friend Is Depressed

Having a game plan before you reach out to someone whos depressed may give you confidence before you take that first step. The first thing that youll want to know is how to tell if someone is depressed. These tips can help:

They Withdraw From Activities They used To Enjoy

If you notice your friend choosing to stay home instead of joining in on activities they used to love, they may have depression. Depression can cause loss of sleep, which can lead to exhaustion that makes engaging in previous activities more difficult.

If they do engage in an activity, you may notice that they just seen to be present without seeming to really enjoy the activity. They may appear distracted or simply like theyre going through the motions.

Low Energy

Depression can cause insomnia, pain, and stress, which can result in a decrease in energy. If your friend seems more sluggish, as if just performing their normal routine takes too much energy, then it could be a sign that they are experiencing depression.

An Increase Or Decrease Of Weight

Insomnia Or Sleeping Too Much

Substance Abuse

They Become Workaholics

1. Learn What To Say To Someone With Depression

How You Feel About Your Depression

As you prepare to tell other people about your depression, it also can be helpful to consider how you feel about the diagnosis first.

In other words, what are your perceptions of depression as well as your expectations of yourself?

Understanding your feelings and coming to terms with your diagnosis helps you be more confident about sharing with others without feeling afraid or ashamed.

Read Also: How Can You Prevent Depression

Avoid Statements Like Be Strong Don’t Cry Focus On The Positives Or Be Grateful For What You Have

In our society, sadness, tears, and depression are often associated with “weakness” or instability. Emotionality is not valued, and thus feelings associated with depression are often enveloped in choking layers of shame and anxiety. Telling someone not to feel depressed, or that they should “think positively,” will not make them feel better. In actuality, it will likely make them feel worseweak, ashamed for feeling sad, and less able to feel safe in your relationship. Make space for emotions don’t try to limit them or contain them.

Dont Say: You Seem Different You Should See Someone About This

When your best friend has depression

When a friend is experiencing depression, they may cancel on events, stop replying to texts and calls, and disengage with loved ones. Its understandable if these changes in behavior make you feel shocked, hurt or like you are helpless in the situation.

That said, calling out your friends behavior isnt helpful. Even if they are acting differently, stating this can come across as accusatory and it can make your friend feel defensive or even worse about themselves, Bespalova says.

You should also avoid commenting on any physical changes, such as losing or gaining weight or appearing disheveled, as this can exacerbate negative thoughts and feelings your friend is having and further lower their self-esteem.

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Tell Them You Understand

Before you tell someone “I understand,” you should be certain that you actually do. Have you ever experienced clinically significant depression? If you have, it may be helpful for your friend to hear that you have experienced what they are feeling and that it can get better.

Keep in mind, however, that there are several different types of depression, and even if you did experience clinical depression, it may have been very different than what your friend is going through.

If what you have been through was a case of the blues, on the other hand, your friend may feel like you are trivializing their experience by comparing it to yours.

In this case, it would be best to simply admit that you don’t understand exactly what they are going through, but that you care about them and want to try. Often, the best words to say are, “I don’t understand, but I really want to.”

How Can Friends And Family Help

This information is for friends and family who want to support someone with depression.

The support of friends and family can play a very important role in someone recovering from depression. Here are some suggestions for how you can help.

  • Support them to get help. You can’t force anyone to get help if they don’t want it, so it’s important to reassure your loved one that it’s OK to ask for help, and that there is help out there. See our pages on how to support someone else to seek help for their mental health for more information.
  • Be open about depression. Lots of people can find it hard to open up and speak about how they’re feeling. Try to be open about depression and difficult emotions, so your friend or family member knows that it’s OK to talk about what they’re experiencing.

“The best things that friends and family can do is simply listen. They often don’t need to say anything, just being willing to listen to your problems makes you feel less alone and isolated”

  • Keep in touch. It might be hard for your loved one to have the energy to keep up contact, so try to keep in touch. Even just a text message or email to let them know that you’re thinking of them can make a big difference to how someone feels.

“Talking… not even talking about how I felt. Just talking about stupid things that didn’t matter over coffee, without pressure and knowing that I can talk about the tough stuff if I want to.”

Also Check: Non Antidepressants Used For Depression

Learn About What Your Friend Is Going Through

Not totally sure what depression or anxiety are, or how to help a friend with depression or anxiety? A really great first step in helping your friend is to find out more about depression, anxiety or anything else your friend is going through this will help you to better understand whats happening and how they feel.

My friends try to learn more about what Im experiencing, especially asking for and going to sources of information I recommend. hellofriend

Ask Them If They Want To Talk

5 things it’s helpful to know if your friend is depressed

Sometimes the most important thing you can do for a depressed friend is to just listen sympathetically while they talk about what is bothering them, allowing them to relieve the pressure of pent-up feelings.

Make sure to listen without interrupting. We all wish to fix things for those we care about and often offer quick fixes to cope with our own feelings of helplessness. Sometimes people who are depressed just need to talk without having the conversation taken over with well-meaning advice.

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Know The Different Forms Depression Can Take

Depression often involves sadness or a low mood, but it also has other, less well-known symptoms.

For example, many people dont realize depression can involve:

  • confusion, difficulties with memory, or difficulty focusing
  • excessive fatigue or sleep concerns
  • physical symptoms such as stomach distress, frequent headaches, or back and other muscle pain

Your friend may often seem to be in a bad mood, or feel exhausted a lot of the time. Try to keep in mind that what theyre feeling is still part of depression, even if it doesnt fit into the stereotypical versions of depression.

Even if you dont know how to help them feel better, simply saying Im sorry youre feeling this way. Im here to help if theres anything I can do may help.

Signs Your Friend Could Be Struggling With Their Mental Health

If these sound like your friend, chances are something is on their mind. Get advice on how to support them below.

You get radio silence

You havent seen or heard from them for a while. They might be airing your messages or start spending hours in their room and not be up for socialising. You might find they stop posting on social media altogether or start posting content that seems concerning or out of character.

Their sleeping pattern has changed

They might make a comment about struggling to sleep properly at night or regularly stay in bed all day.

They seem down

When you see or speak to them you get the feeling that somethings not right. They might be quieter than usual or get impatient or irritated more easily than they usually do. They could seem distant or preoccupied and struggling to hold a proper conversation. Alternatively, they might seem louder and chattier than usual or even hyper.

They get teary

Youve noticed theyve been crying a lot. They get irrationally upset, stressed or anxious in certain situations. They might act like everything is fine or not feel comfortable opening up about whats on their mind.

Their drinking is getting out of hand

Theyre drinking a lot more than they normally do or you notice them reaching for a drink as a way of coping with how theyre feeling. They might start to act differently when theyve been drinking they could get angry, upset or black out.

They keep cancelling plans

Theyre not eating

Also Check: How To Help A Depressed Friend Over Text

Support Them In Continuing Therapy

On a bad day, your friend might not feel like leaving the house. Depression can zap energy and increase the desire to self-isolate.

If they say something like, I think Im going to cancel my therapy appointment, encourage them to stick with it.

You might say, Last week you said your session was really productive and you felt a lot better afterward. What if todays session helps, too?

The same goes for medication. If your friend wants to stop taking medication because of unpleasant side effects, be supportive, but encourage them to talk with their psychiatrist about switching to a different antidepressant or stopping their medication entirely.

Abruptly stopping antidepressants without the supervision of a healthcare professional may have serious consequences. Typically, reaching out to a healthcare professional before stopping medication use can prevent health complications.

Validate Your Depressed Friend’s Feelings And Set Appropriate Boundaries

How To Talk With A Depressed Friend: 10 Helpful Things You Can Say ...

Depressed people can be acutely hopeless and hard to console, making friendships difficult. Below are some of my thoughts about what friends can do for a depressed person and how friends can maintain appropriate friendship boundaries with the depressed person in their lives.

Validate the pain and move on. We know that distraction is actually good for depressed people, and rumination going over the same negative feelings over and over only encourages further depression. This is not to say that you should ignore your depressed friend’s proclamations of sadness and misery. On the contrary: Validation, listening, and acceptance are helpful, as is encouraging them to also do something other than wallow in their own misery.

Set boundaries. Depressed people may be acutely sensitive to rejection, and you may feel guilty if you try to set boundaries. Don’t feel guilty. Think about what your boundaries are, and respect them. For example, are you okay with listening to the depressed person talk about their miserable life for 10 minutes, but not 1 hour? That’s totally reasonable. Telling the person that you can only talk about their misery for a certain amount of time , and that you will then need to change the subject, is appropriate. This should be something that they respect.

Read Also: What Is The Treatment For Clinical Depression

So What Is Depression

Click Here to learn more about Depression from the Mayo Clinic.

As a mental health therapist, I am so glad to see the rise in awareness of mental health and the call to de-stigmatize it. At the same time, this has increased the colloquial use of a clinical term. In passing, people call themselves depressed. Or they off-handedly say it about someone in their social circle. In and of itself, its not hugely problematic.

But it has pointed out to me the need for increased education around mental health, just as much as increased awareness about it. Why? Because knowing the difference between someone actually being depressed and someone using the term to describe a day or two of sadness that doesnt meet other criteria for depression changes how you interact with them, especially the closer you are to that person.

Therefore, by becoming even a little educated about depression, it becomes easier to recognize some of the symptoms and may help you give that person some grace, an extra smile or hug, or may open the door for you to have an honest conversation about steps they may need to take to get help and ultimately feel better.

Without further ado,

Questions To Figure Out The Impact Of Their Symptoms

These arent questions to diagnose whether or not your partner has depression, anxiety, bipolar, or related disorders. Thats something for you both to find out with the help of a mental health professional.

Instead, these questions are designed to help you determine if your partners symptoms are getting the upper hand:

  • Are you sleeping more or less than you normally do?
  • Are you eating more or less than you normally do?
  • Are you tasting your food when you eat?
  • Do you feel tired no matter how much you sleep?
  • Are you capable of enjoying things right now?
  • Is it hard for you to do personal grooming?
  • Are you having thoughts of your own death?

Karen reminds us that theres a difference between simply feeling down and experiencing symptoms of clinical depression. These questions help determine which is happening.

Julie says that, as a partner, you probably already know the answer to these questions, but asking them helps your partner feel respected and gives them agency.

Also Check: I Cry A Lot Am I Depressed

Know Your Role And Have Realistic Expectations For Yourself Within It

What would you expect from your friend if you were going through a rough time? Have similar expectations for yourself in this position. You are not their therapist, psychiatrist, or doctor. If you’re unsure as to what they expect from you, ask.

Set realistic guidelines Supporting a depressed friend can be draining to you, so make sure to be kind to yourself and acknowledge your limitations.

What You Can Do

8 Signs Someone is Secretly Depressed

It is important to listen well and avoid defensive language. The objective is not to fix their problems or tell them what to do. Dr. Leaf explains, You are not giving your friend a solution to all their issues rather you are listening to help them process their pain and to not feel alone and out of control.

Try to see things from your friends perspective and show true concern for their suffering. Dr. Leaf says, This doesnt mean that you fully comprehend what they are going through and we should never presume to rather, it’s your compassion that validates their experiences by acknowledging that their pain is real. Doing this actually changes the resilience in the brain , which can help that person see their problems in a new light and start sorting through their issues.

Sometimes your friend may not want to talk and thats okay too. Dr. Saltz says, They may just want you to be there and sit quietly with them. Or offer to help them make an appointment for therapy and/or drive them to their appointments.

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Mild And Moderate Depression

These are the most common types. More than simply feeling blue, the symptoms of mild depression can interfere with your daily life, robbing you of joy and motivation. Those symptoms become amplified in moderate depression and can lead to a decline in confidence and self-esteem.

Recurrent, mild depression

Dysthymia is a type of chronic low-grade depression. More days than not, you feel mildly or moderately depressed, although you may have brief periods of normal mood.

  • The symptoms of dysthymia are not as strong as the symptoms of major depression, but they last a long time .
  • Some people also experience major depressive episodes on top of dysthymia, a condition known as double depression.
  • If you suffer from dysthymia, you may feel like youve always been depressed. Or you may think that your continuous low mood is just the way you are.

Youve Just Got To Stay Positive

This communicates a deep misunderstanding of depression as a disease, and diminishes the persons experience, insinuating that the solution is a simple reframe. Depression is a deeply complex disease that affects not only thinking patterns and emotions, but the actual chemical makeup and structure of the brain.

Also Check: What Is Depression Mental Illness

How You Can Support A Loved One Feeling Depressed

If several of the above signs apply to someone you know, they may well have depression.

They may not have spoken to anybody about their concerns, or even realise thats what theyre experiencing, so try to encourage them to open up and talk about how they feel.

Be careful how you approach the subject. Statements such as, cheer up or pull yourself together arent helpful and can make people defensive.

Instead, focus on listening. You may not feel qualified to offer any advice, and thats ok. Its not about finding solutions to everything theyre feeling its about reminding them that theyre not alone and youre there to support them.

It can be difficult for someone suffering from depression to communicate. So do your best to encourage them to talk and listen without judgment.

Just listening in a non-judgmental way, and allowing them to articulate their feelings, can be invaluable.

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