Just Make Sure She Knows Youre There Because You Want To Be
I was in her shoes for quite a while. Depression takes its ups and downs, but it always helped when my S.O. would be there with me, and for me, without prompt or pressure to do anything. For months, I didnt want to leave the house, but he would make sure that I was comfortable and that I knew he loved me. Sometimes it was even hard to show affection toward him.
Acknowledge her problems and empathize with her.
Depression is like a constant battle in your headalways telling you that you arent good enough. I know that being the S.O. in this situation is hard and discouraging at times. I found a job that I enjoyed and that really helped me begin to see the light, although it was about two years before I could say I wasnt depressed. It took a ton of love and support from my S.O. as well as help from a doctor. Just make sure she knows youre there because YOU want to be. Little things that show that you care are helpful tooflowers, fave food, a movie night in, breakfast in bed, or even to just hold her hand.blahblah1327
Accept It As Part Of Him
For some reason, people treat mental illness like its a separate entity altogether. They dont often look at it as just being a part of a person. But really, you dont treat a cold or the flu like its a separate entity. You treat it as just something your partner has. Having a depressed boyfriend is the same.
The only difference is mental illness sticks around longer than the common cold. But its a part of him. Its just who he is. Either you accept and love that about him, or you dont.
Stop trying to change, fix, or save him. Just accept his depression as a part of him as thats how you can adequately support him as his girlfriend.
Make Sure He Knows Your Feelings Arent Affected
His depression might make him a little insecure that you like him less because of it. Just remind him that it doesnt change anything. You feel just as strongly for him as you would if he wasnt depressed. Make sure he knows of your feelings, so theres never a miscommunication in that respect.
Overthinking to an extreme is quite typical behavior for someone with depression so just reassure him that with or without his depression, youd still feel the same way. If you want to learn how to handle your depressed boyfriend, let him know that your feelings are constant for him.
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Get Support And Treatment
The impact of untreated depression extends to all the people closest to the person with depression. It is accurate to state that in one way or another most of us have been impacted by depression. Treatment is vitally important to a persons recovery from depression. You can help your loved ones by helping them keep up with taking their medication and remembering appointments. You can also help them by reassuring them that asking for help is not a sign of weakness or something to be ashamed of.
When someone you care about is depressed, its OK for you to feel frustrated, angry, and upset. It is very important, however, that you dont allow these feelings to fester and grow. Therapists, counselors, and support groups are not only for people with depression. Seeking professional help for yourself can help you feel supported, vent your frustrations, and make you more aware of your own emotional needs. Therapy can also provide answers to any questions you have about coping with the depression of a loved one. Even if you dont go the mental health professional route, its important to lean on your support network during this difficult time.
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For people struggling with depression, its important to have compassion and to take action to overcome this state, including seeking professional help. Remember that the negative thoughts you are experiencing are likely being driven by depression, not by a person. Depression can lead to the ultimate negative outcome of death, so please consider calling National Hotline if your significant other is experiencing thoughts of self-harm. SAMHSAs National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.
There are many types of treatment that have proven to be effective for depression, but two are the most effective: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Mindfulness-based Cognitive Therapy .
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy . CBT is problem-focused and action-oriented meaning it is used to treat specific problems related to depression and the therapists role is to assist the patients in finding and practicing effective strategies to address the identified goals and decrease symptoms of the disorder and limit adverse outcomes.
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Men With Depression Dont Want You To Fix Them
No one with depression wants a partner to fix them because depression does not mean being broken. The intention of fixing someone may be good, but it can make the person with depression feel you are looking down on them or dont accept them.
This bothers both sexes, but it seems to irritate men significantly more, according to the therapists and men Talkspace interviewed.
Women who are fixers have actually been a trigger for me that makes my depression worse, said TED talk mental health speaker Mike Veny.
There is a difference between supporting someones recovery and trying to take away their problems or change them, Veny said.
Sleeping Most Of The Time
If you see your boyfriend sleeping most of the time, this is a sign to watch out for. Unlike anxiety, where you feel everything all at once, depression makes you feel empty and void of emotions.
So if your boyfriend is depressed, he will try to escape this empty black hole of a feeling by sleeping constantly. After all, sleep is a pretty great escape from your feelings, even for mental conditions like depression.
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You Cant Love Her So Much It Fixes Everything
Know that you ultimately have no control over it. You cant magically fix it. You cant love her so much it fixes everything. Its her brain and its up to her to pull herself out of it. Whether that be through medication or therapy or a little of both. The biggest mistakes my friends made when trying to help me was thinking they could solve it. Fifteen-ish years of it, and they all tried and failed to singlehandedly fix it. The only thing that helps is knowing they are loved and supported no matter how many times they shut you out and hermit crab their days or weeks away.harryinthetardis
You Are Not To Blame For Your Partner’s Depression
There is that old expression, “It takes two,” which is absolutely true when it comes to relationships. When your loved one is depressed, it may be easy for them to lash out in anger or even blame you for their mood. But it simply is not accurate. Although your relationship and interactions may be a trigger, it is not the cause for depression. The cause may be in how your partner interprets and reacts to life’s circumstances. They may not know how to communicate feelings effectively. They may not have learned what a healthy relationship looks like. They may fear asking for what they want.
Blame is a judgment call inferring that someone is at fault and should feel guilty. There is another saying that when you point your finger in blame, three fingers point back at you. If your partner is blaming you, they are going for the martyr act where they assume no responsibility for themselves or the relationship. Don’t fall for it. The blame game never helps such a situation. It only causes old wounds to fester and resentments to build.
Relationships are never easy, but when you add depression to the mix, it can become even more complex. When the person you love pulls away or even threatens to leave, you may wonder if this is depression or a real wish to end the relationship. It can be a very confusing and painful time to try to decode your depressed partner’s behavior and also take care of your own well being.
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Theyre Not Lazy Theyre Depressed
One of the common misconceptions of depressed people is that they are lazy. This comes from the fact that they can often be messy and unproductive when they are in depressive stages. In fact, this is a direct symptom of depression. It is not that they are lazy, it is that they are exhausted, both mentally and physically. Depression takes a toll on the mind, often leaving its victims too drained to do the things they would normally do in life, making it hard to even get out of bed.
Do I Need Health Insurance To Receive This Service
The referral service is free of charge. If you have no insurance or are underinsured, we will refer you to your state office, which is responsible for state-funded treatment programs. In addition, we can often refer you to facilities that charge on a sliding fee scale or accept Medicare or Medicaid. If you have health insurance, you are encouraged to contact your insurer for a list of participating health care providers and facilities.
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How Much Relationship Stress Is Too Much
Some relationship stress is normal, but how much is too much? A normative level of relationship stress looks like this: occasional misunderstandings, room for improvement in your communication skills or a minor mismatch between expectations. When these occurrences become the norm in your relationship, its time to reevaluate. Of particular concern is a lack of follow-through or commitment. Also consider your relationships age frequency how much relationship stress your partner triggers and the overall emotional flavor of your relationship .
Do Not Overboard Him With Your Concerns
If your boyfriend is sad, he probably does not want the insecurities and sadness of his mind to spill over and cause hurt to you. At the same time, he wouldnt want to feel like he is someone who needs fixing. Doing so might make him feel like he is looked down upon and he could react in harsh ways, even.
Nandita says, Its important that you understand his problems and try to be on the same page as him. You should suggest visiting a doctor or trying therapy. It is important that you keep any kind of judgment at bay because he is already in a very sensitive position. He will end up magnifying every little thing that you say and could take it very personally. Identify the positives in his personality and talk about them more than showing him that you are trying to change him.
Offering them support is one thing, but taking charge of their personalities and trying to change them is another. He needs to feel a sense of independence to feel like he has conquered this battle instead of giving its reins to you.
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Hes Pulling Away Because He Really Likes You
I bet you had to read this heading twice didnt you? No its not a mistake, its a very real possibility that he is pulling because he likes you. This can be a fairly frustrating scenario for women but you have to understand his feelings too. He may be feeling vulnerable now that he realised just how much he likes you, and that may frighten him a bit.
The usual tell-tale signs of this are if he is starting to act very strange such as being more mean or distant from you lately, or of he always seem too busy to go out with you. At this point, you may be thinking that he is no longer interested in you but in actual act, he is feeling scared that he has developed these feelings for you. This is usually the case with men who have not been in a serious relationship before and have always seen themselves as players. Remember not to make things worse by acting defensive and getting angry with him.
What To Do
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In this situation, the first thing to do is not to get upset but to feel happy that the reason he is pulling away is actually because he likes you. You need to reassure him that you have the same feelings for him but without adding pressure. This can be a fine balance as if you come on to him full force, you may freak him out and he will further pull away.
Warning Signs Of Suicide
People with depression may be at risk of suicide. According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, more than half of those who die by suicide have major depression.
Partners of those with depression should be aware of the warning signs of suicide so that they can take swift action if necessary. Warning signs include:
- talking about death or suicide
- having a suicide plan
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Talk About It And Be Supportive
If the problem doesnt go away on its own, it will have to come up in a conversation eventually.
If you gave your boyfriend the time, space, and freedom he needs, and are trying to move at a pace he is comfortable with, but things arent getting better, you have no choice but to talk about it.
Try to be supportive instead of overbearing and let him know that youre there for him if he needs your help. Let him know that he can tell you anything and that you can work on it together.
He may find it hard to open up and express his thoughts and feelings for a number of reasons. You might be met with some resistance when you try to broach the topic of him becoming distant.
Make him feel safe and able to tell you whats bothering him, even if its something you have been doing. You can do this by showing him that youre open to working on yourself and by not taking an aggressive or defensive approach.
Try to be understanding and get him to open up to you so that you could find a solution together.
You Dont Need To Stay With Him
Protecting your mental health is more important than being with him, no matter how much it seems like he has become everything to you. If the relationship is bringing you a feeling of pain over happiness despite attempts to make it healthy leaving is the right decision.
It might seem like you are abandoning him, leaving him at the mercy of his depression and without your love to protect him. Nonetheless, men have a responsibility to work with those they love to overcome depression and make it more manageable. You should leave any man who is not doing enough to make the relationship work, and men who suffer from depression are no exception.
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How To Break Up With Someone You Still Love
When you are breaking up with someone you are still in love with, it might be good, to be honest. Tell them how you feel, but what is causing you to think that breaking up is the way to go.
Be respectful, genuine, and careful. You can tell them you are sorry it didnt work out, and let them
know what could happen for them to have a better relationship in the future.
Is It Ok To Break Up
Although, it might be time to be concerned about your relationship, when mental illness symptoms are getting in the way of your day-to-day life, or your safety is being compromised. You can definitely be in a healthy relationship with someone who has a mental illness but keep an eye out for when things get unhealthy. Some of the tell-tale signs that your relationship is unhealthy:
- Inability to control emotions
- Lack of remorse or empathy for people or animals
- Narcissistic behaviors
If any of these red flags come up, dont ignore them. Violence or abuse of any capacity should not be tolerated, regardless of mental illness status. Your safety is important, and that comes first.In general, having a mental illness is not an excuse to treat someone poorly, with disrespect, or lack of empathy. People with mental illnesses are certainly able to treat others with respect and love, just as people without a mental illness may treat you poorly. If you do decide to end your relationship, be conscious of how your words may affect your partner and be sensitive to the issues they are struggling with.
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Have A Life Outside Of The Relationship And Live It
Just like your man needs a life outside of the relationship, so do you. When you encourage him to go out with his friends, dont just sit there wishing he was there next to you. Live your life while he lives his.
Focus on yourself and try to make yourself happy. If you expect him to make you happy, youre putting a tremendous burden on him. Yes, your partner should make you happy, but your happiness shouldnt depend on him. You should feel like a complete person without him and find fulfillment outside of your love life.
Surely you have friends, family, a job, and hobbies just like he does. So, dont neglect those things just because youre head over heels in love. It can be tempting to obsess over your love life, but having something else to focus on is good for you and can ease the pressure on your relationship.
Dont let your entire life revolve around your love life. Again, when your boyfriend is out there doing his thing, you should be doing yours.