Ways To Help Your Depressed Friend
Psychreg on Mental HealthWHATâS IN THIS ARTICLE?
Depression affects many people and some of us have friends already dealing with it. Even though we want to be there for them, we dont always know what to do and say to support them. We are all different, and there is no universal way to support our depressed friend and thats another challenge for us. However, the mere fact that you want to help your depressed friend is fantastic, and our suggestions may help you figure out the best way to approach and support them throughout this challenging phase of their life.
Remind Them You’re There For Them
Depression can feel as though no one understands what you are feeling or even cares enough to try to understand, which can be isolating and overwhelming.
Research has shown that people tend to withdraw when they are depressed, so reaching out to a friend in need is an important first step. If your friend isn’t ready to talk, continue to offer your support by spending time with them and try to check in regularly, either in person, on the phone, or by text.
When you reach out to a friend, letting them know that you are going to be there every step of the way can be very reassuring.
You may not quite know what this will look like at first, but know that just reminding your friend that you are someone they can lean on can mean the world.
Its All In Your Head You Need To Think Positive
Optimism and having a hopeful outlook can certainly be important, but its important to remember that positive thinking doesnt always work especially when forcing it.
For example, a 2010 study demonstrated that making declarative statements isnt actually that effective for getting motivated. Rather, interrogative self-talk may be better.
In the study, participants were asked to solve a puzzle. The participants who asked themselves Will I? solved nearly twice as many as those who declared I will
Telling a loved one to just be positive is the same as snap out of it. Youre implying that what theyre feeling isnt real or a big deal, or that they can control their depression.
Depression is a health condition like any other. We wouldnt dream of telling someone with diabetes, for example, that its all in their head.
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Dont Minimize Their Pain
If your friend or loved one doesnt seem to want to open up to you, dont push them notes McInnis. You shouldnt force a friend or loved one who is struggling with depression to talk to you, but strongly encourage them to talk to someone, she tells Parade.com.
On the flip side, if your loved one is opening up to you about how they are feeling, let them speak freely and just listen. Be supportive without attempting to solve their problems. Try not to give unsolicited advice, McInnis says. They may be sharing their pain with you, but it isnt always for you to try and fix it. Dont interrupt, especially with stories about how something similar happened to you.
And most importantly, says McInnis, dont brush them off. Never minimize their pain with comments like, Thats not that bad, it could be worse, or Just cheer up! she explains. You can empathize with them without belittling the pain they are going through.
Be Heartfelt In What You Say
McInnis suggests that simple, heartfelt words of concern like, I am here for you and I want you to know how much you matter to me are the best things that you can say to a loved one who is depressed. Ask them things such as, How can I help you through this? and remind them, I want you to know how much you matter to me. Be compassionate about what they are going through by expressing that you are sorry they are hurting, and encourage them to talk to a professional. “You can say, ‘Im so glad you shared this with me, but I care about you and am concerned. Would you consider talking to a therapist? May I help you find one?'” suggests McInnis.
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I’m Going To Keep Checking In On You
People with depression may not feel like socializing or talkingboth may require too much energy at the moment. “Avoid pressuring your loved one to do something that depression is making too hard for them,” says Forti. “However, do let them know you won’t give up on them. Do keep reaching out, even when they reject your attempts for help.”
Keep your efforts simple and noninvasive. A text message stating, “I’m thinking of you” can do wonders for someone feeling alone and sad. Keep letting them know you care.
Most Importantly Don’t Neglect Yourself In The Process
Supporting others can be mentally and emotionally exhausting. Often, we find ourselves focusing all our energy on our friend or loved one, and we wind up neglecting ourselves in the process. Especially for those whose partners, close friends, or family members are experiencing depression, I encourage you to seek your own therapy.
Be kind to yourselfmake sure you’re practicing self-care and self-compassion, and get the support you need from others as well.
Megan Bruneau, M.A., is a therapist, executive coach, and wellness writer based in New York City. She received her bachelor of arts in psychology and family studies from the University of British Columbia and a masters of arts in counselling psychology from Simon Fraser University. She is a registered clinical counselor in British Columbia, but now works with clients in New York and globally via remote work. Drawing inspiration from her own experiences, Bruneau has contributed to The Huffington Post, Forbes, and Thrillist and has appears on Good Morning America and New York 1 Morning News. She is also the host of the podcast Better Because of It.
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Gift Card For Body & Mind Relaxing Massage
Probably the best gift for someone with depression as a good massage for 30-60 minutes can do wonders not only for body muscles but also for mental health. According to a study, a deep massage helps in increased endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine and decreases cortisol levels which is overall a good combination for reducing stress.
Advice: While you purchase the gift card, consult the expert, and go for the one which releases mental stressand focuses on relaxation.
Make Them Smile Because Laughter Helps And Heals
As I mentioned in my post “10 Things I Do Every Day to Beat Depression,” research says that laughing is one of the best things we can do for our health. Humor can help us heal from a number of illnesses. When I was hospitalized for severe depression in 2005, one of the psychiatric nurses on duty decided that one session of group therapy would consist of watching a comedian poke fun at depression. For an hour, we all exchanged glances as if to say Is it okay to laugh? The effect was surprisingly powerful. Whenever the black dog has gotten a hold of a friend, I try to make her laugh, because in laughing, some of her fear and panic disappear.
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What You Can Say
For a long time, no one really talked about depression at all. Now were working hard to change that and we need to learn how to talk about depression in the right way. You cant help someone with depression in any meaningful way without talking to them about it. Thats why its so important to have the courage to speak up and find your words.
Keep The Conversation Going
A key to being there for your friend is recognizing that it will take more than one conversation to help them feel better.
Unfortunately, depression is not cured quickly. Even if someone starts on medication or therapy, it can take weeks to months to feel better or be in remission, Pellegrino says.
Let your friend know that you will be there with them even in difficult moments and then do just that. Be with them and continue to remind them that you care about them.
As for the times when you dont know what to say, its OK to be honest about that too.
In the end, your presence and desire to show up and be with your friend will speak volumes.
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Take Care Of Yourself
When you care about someone whos living with depression, its tempting to drop everything to be by their side and support them. Its not wrong to want to help a friend, but its also important to take care of your own needs.
If you put all your energy into supporting your friend, youll have very little left for yourself. And if youre feeling burned out or frustrated, you wont be much help to your friend.
Set boundaries
Setting boundaries can help. For example, you might let your friend know youre available to talk after you get home from work, but not before then.
If youre concerned about them feeling like they cant reach you, offer to help them come up with a contingency plan if they need you during your work day. This might involve finding a hotline they can call or coming up with a code word they can text you if theyre in a crisis.
You might offer to stop by every other day or bring a meal twice a week, instead of trying to help every day. Involving other friends can help create a bigger support network.
Practice self-care
Spending a lot of time with a loved one who has depression can take an emotional toll. Know your limits around difficult emotions, and make sure you take time to recharge.
If you need to let your friend know you wont be available for a while, you might say something like, I cant talk until X time. Can I check in with you then?
Taking Care Of Yourself
There’s a natural impulse to want to fix the problems of people we care about, but you can’t control someone else’s depression. You can, however, control how well you take care of yourself. It’s just as important for you to stay healthy as it is for the depressed person to get treatment, so make your own well-being a priority.
Remember the advice of airline flight attendants: put on your own oxygen mask before you assist anyone else. In other words, make sure your own health and happiness are solid before you try to help someone who is depressed. You won’t do your friend or family member any good if you collapse under the pressure of trying to help. When your own needs are taken care of, you’ll have the energy you need to lend a helping hand.
Speak up for yourself. You may be hesitant to speak out when the depressed person in your life upsets you or lets you down. However, honest communication will actually help the relationship in the long run. If you’re suffering in silence and letting resentment build, your loved one will pick up on these negative emotions and feel even worse. Gently talk about how you’re feeling before pent-up emotions make it too hard to communicate with sensitivity.
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Ways To Help Yourself Through Depression
If you are going through depression, itâs best to get help from a therapist. To get the most from your therapy, you can do things to help yourself too.
Here are 5 things you can do to feel better. They may seem simple, but they can help a lot.
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Let Them Know They Won’t Always Feel This Way
If I had to name one thing a person said to me when I was severely depressed that made me feel better, it would be this: You wont always feel this way. It is a simple statement of truth that holds the most powerful healing element of all: hope. As a friend or family member, your hardest job is to get your friend or brother or dad or sister to have hope again: to believe that they will get better. Once their heart is there, their mind and body will follow shortly.
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Taking A Stance On Medication
Medication can be very helpful for depression, but it doesnt work well for everyone.
Some people dislike its side effects and prefer to treat depression with therapy or natural remedies. Even if you think your friend should take an antidepressant, remember that choosing to take medication is a personal decision.
Likewise, if you personally dont believe in medication, avoid the subject when talking with them. For some people, medication is key in getting them to a place where they can fully engage in therapy and start taking steps toward recovery.
At the end of the day, whether or not someone with depression takes medication is a very personal decision thats generally best left to them and their healthcare professional.
Depression can increase a persons risk of suicide or self-injury, so its helpful to know how to recognize the signs.
Some signs that might indicate your friend is having serious suicidal thoughts include:
- frequent mood or personality changes
- talking about death or dying
- purchasing a weapon
Dont Stress Out Too Much
Whether you recognize that or not, its only you who put some pressure on yourselves. You carry unnecessary worries and tension. You may call that Goals in life, but when you get too serious at it, without knowing your interest and passion, you end up being hard on yourself.
A simple approach is, stop expecting too much from yourself. You are worthy and unique enough for certain things in life. You dont have to figure out everything on your own, So relax. Just release yourself from those worries and tension youve been carrying along.
When youre feeling depressed and lonely, think about the things youre grateful for in life. Dont focus on too much of what you lose, Focus on something, you still have.
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Signs That Someone May Be Depressed
Depression has lots of possible symptoms.
You may notice that someone:
- has lost interest in doing things they normally enjoy
- seems to be feeling down or hopeless
- has slower speech and movements or is more fidgety and restless than usual
- feels tired or does not have much energy
- is overeating or has lost their appetite
- is sleeping more than usual or is not able to sleep
- has trouble concentrating on everyday things, such as watching TV or reading the paper
Don’t Be Afraid To Ask If They’re Suicidal
Not everyone who’s depressed is suicidal, but almost every person who completes suicide has experience with depression. People who are considering ending their lives will often make ominous statements like, “What’s the point?” or even something more direct: “Pretty soon you won’t have to put up with this any longer.”
They also might start giving away possessions, get their will in order, contact people to “make amends,” or appear suddenly calm, given their previous behavior. There is a common misconception that if we ask someone if they’ve been thinking about suicide, we might put the idea in their head or drive them to do it. This is untrue. Often, being asked causes great relief for a person who’s been thinking about it.
You can try saying something like this, “It’s not uncommon for people to have suicidal thoughts when experiencing depression. Have you been thinking about killing yourself?”
If the answer is yes, remind them that suicidal thoughts are a natural coping mechanism , but suicide will not make things better. You are likely not a trained professional, so stay with them while you encourage them to for proper assessment and resources.
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Encourage Them To Seek Out A Support Group
It doesnt matter what the illness is cardiovascular disease, colon cancer, fibromyalgia a person needs support in her or his life to fully recover: people with whom they can vent and swap horror stories, folks who can remind them that they are not alone even though their symptoms make them feel that way.
Research shows that support groups aid the recovery of a person struggling with depression and decrease chances of relapse. The New England Journal of Medicine published a study in which 158 women with metastatic breast cancer were assigned to supportive-expressive therapy. These women showed greater improvement in psychological symptoms and reported less pain than the women with breast cancer who were assigned to the control group with no supportive therapy. Brainstorm with your friend on ways to get more support. Research and share with your friend various groups that might be of benefit.