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Depression after a surgery is fairly common. Its important to remain focused on the positive, especially when facing a longer recovery period. A great way to do this is to celebrate milestones, even small ones, together. Its easy to lose sight of progress if youre only seeing the long road ahead.
Minimizing Or Comparing Their Experience
If your friend talks about their depression, you might want to say things like, I understand, or Weve all been there. But if youve never dealt with depression yourself, this can minimize their feelings.
Depression goes beyond simply feeling sad or low. Sadness usually passes fairly quickly, while depression can linger and affect mood, relationships, work, school, and all other aspects of life for months or even years.
Comparing what theyre going through to someone elses troubles or saying things like, But things could be so much worse, generally doesnt help.
Your friends pain is whats real to them right now and validating that pain is what may help them most.
Say something like, I cant imagine how hard that is to deal with. I know I cant make you feel better, but just remember you arent alone.
Look For Signs That Treatment Is Working
There are lots of little ways to tell when treatment works it will be clear in the ways that your loved one looks and acts, says Angelos Halaris, MD, PhD, a professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences and director of outpatient clinical services at the Loyola University Chicago Stritch School of Medicine.
As they improve, someone with depression may start making better eye contact with you instead of looking down to avoid eye contact due to feeling vulnerable or anxious. Other signs of improvement, according to Dr. Halaris, include:
- Smiling occasionally and having more relaxed instead of tense facial features
- Having a calmer demeanor
- Isolating less and interacting with people more
- Eating and sleeping better
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Other Sites That Can Help
www.atareira.org.nz – Support, education and information for family and whnau.Carers New Zealand – Information and support for people in caregiver roles.Mental Health Foundation – Information about mental health covering a range of topics.Small Steps – A range of simple tools you can use to manage your stress, anxiety and low mood.
Educate Yourself On Depression
You will be better able to help someone with depression if you learn more about it. There are several resources, both online and through doctors and hospitals, that can provide you with more information about what depression is, what causes it and how to help someone who has it. By understanding what depression is and how it makes you feel, you will be better able to empathize with someone who has it.
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How Can I Help Someone With Depression
Depression is a serious but treatable disorder that affects millions of people, from young to old and from all walks of life. It gets in the way of everyday life, causing tremendous pain, hurting not just those suffering from it but also impacting everyone around them.
If someone you love is depressed, you may be experiencing any number of difficult emotions, including helplessness, frustration, anger, fear, guilt, and sadness. These feelings are all normal. Its not easy dealing with a friend or family members depression. And if you neglect your own health, it can become overwhelming.
That said, your companionship and support can be crucial to your loved ones recovery. You can help them to cope with depression symptoms, overcome negative thoughts, and regain their energy, optimism, and enjoyment of life. Start by learning all you can about depression and how to best talk about it with your friend or family member. But as you reach out, dont forget to look after your own emotional healthyoull need it to provide the full support your loved one needs.
Urge Them To Talk To A Professional
Depression treatments are a very important part of recovering from depression, but people often feel ashamed of their condition or pessimistic about whether treatment will really help.
If your friend has not yet seen a healthcare provider, encourage them to seek help and reassure them that there is nothing wrong with asking for assistance. Depression is a realand treatableillness.
If your friend is already seeing a healthcare provider, offer to help with picking up medications and being on time for appointments.
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I Cant Imagine How You Feel But Im Here For You If You Need Me
This is a helpful thing to say to someone who lost a loved one. This approach doesnt assume that you know what theyre feeling. It allows the moment to be about them and their needs, instead of relating it back to your own understanding or perspective.
The second part offers up support in a nonobligatory way, allowing them to choose whether or not to accept your help without pressure. Just be sure to follow through if they do seek out support.
Taking Care Of Yourself
There’s a natural impulse to want to fix the problems of people we care about, but you can’t control someone else’s depression. You can, however, control how well you take care of yourself. It’s just as important for you to stay healthy as it is for the depressed person to get treatment, so make your own well-being a priority.
Remember the advice of airline flight attendants: put on your own oxygen mask before you assist anyone else. In other words, make sure your own health and happiness are solid before you try to help someone who is depressed. You won’t do your friend or family member any good if you collapse under the pressure of trying to help. When your own needs are taken care of, you’ll have the energy you need to lend a helping hand.
Speak up for yourself. You may be hesitant to speak out when the depressed person in your life upsets you or lets you down. However, honest communication will actually help the relationship in the long run. If you’re suffering in silence and letting resentment build, your loved one will pick up on these negative emotions and feel even worse. Gently talk about how you’re feeling before pent-up emotions make it too hard to communicate with sensitivity.
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Tip : Challenge Negative Thinking
Do you feel like you’re powerless or weak? That bad things happen and there’s not much you can do about it? That your situation is hopeless? Depression puts a negative spin on everything, including the way you see yourself and your expectations for the future.
When these types of thoughts overwhelm you, it’s important to remember that this is a symptom of your depression and these irrational, pessimistic attitudesknown as cognitive distortionsaren’t realistic. When you really examine them they don’t hold up. But even so, they can be tough to give up. You can’t break out of this pessimistic mind frame by telling yourself to just think positive. Often, it’s part of a lifelong pattern of thinking that’s become so automatic you’re not even completely aware of it. Rather, the trick is to identify the type of negative thoughts that are fueling your depression, and replace them with a more balanced way of thinking.
Coping With Depression Tip : Reach Out And Stay Connected
Getting support plays an essential role in overcoming depression. On your own, it can be difficult to maintain a healthy perspective and sustain the effort required to beat depression. At the same time, the very nature of depression makes it difficult to reach out for help. When you’re depressed, the tendency is to withdraw and isolate so that connecting to even close family members and friends can be tough.
You may feel too exhausted to talk, ashamed at your situation, or guilty for neglecting certain relationships. But this is just the depression talking. Staying connected to other people and taking part in social activities will make a world of difference in your mood and outlook. Reaching out is not a sign of weakness and it won’t mean you’re a burden to others. Your loved ones care about you and want to help. And if you don’t feel that you have anyone to turn to, it’s never too late to build new friendships and improve your support network.
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Why Is Dealing With Depression So Difficult
Depression drains your energy, hope, and drive, making it difficult to take the steps that will help you to feel better. Sometimes, just thinking about the things you should do to feel better, like exercising or spending time with friends, can seem exhausting or impossible to put into action.
Its the Catch-22 of depression recovery: The things that help the most are the things that are the most difficult to do. There is a big difference, however, between something thats difficult and something thats impossible. While recovering from depression isnt quick or easy, you do have more control than you realizeeven if your depression is severe and stubbornly persistent. The key is to start small and build from there. You may not have much energy, but by drawing on all your reserves, you should have enough to take a walk around the block or pick up the phone to call a loved one, for example.
Taking the first step is always the hardest. But going for a walk or getting up and dancing to your favorite music, for example, is something you can do right now. And it can substantially boost your mood and energy for several hourslong enough to put a second recovery step into action, such as preparing a mood-boosting meal or arranging to meet an old friend. By taking the following small but positive steps day by day, youll soon lift the heavy fog of depression and find yourself feeling happier, healthier, and more hopeful again.
Tips For Coping With Depression In A Relationship
These 10 Tips Can Help Both You and Your Partner
If you are in a relationship with someone who has depression, you are likely struggling with a mix of emotions and lots of questions.
What’s it really like to feel depressed? What can you do to help them through hard times? How will their symptoms and treatment affect your relationship? While every person’s experience with depression is unique, here are a few things you can do to help your loved one and yourself.
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Im Really Sorry Youre Going Through This And Im Here For You If You Need Me
The fact is, theres no perfect thing to say to someone living with depression. Your words wont cure them. But they can help. Let them know that there is hope.
Reminding someone that youre there for them whenever they need you whether thats in the form of help with a small task or someone to call in a crisis can be so essential to saving a life.
According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, there are three categories of suicide warning signs to look out for:
Home Remedies And Lifestyle Changes For Depression
Some lifestyle habits can help you manage your depression and lessen its symptoms. They include:
Getting regular exercise. Physical activity including aerobic exercise, tai chi, yoga, and weight training have been shown to increase your bodyâs production of endorphins, which are hormones that improve your mood.
Studies show aerobic exercise such as walking and swimming can be as effective as an antidepressant in reducing depression. Those who continue to exercise are less likely to have their depression come back.
Avoiding alcohol. While you may drink alcohol to relax, it can cause problems like depression and anxiety down the road. Alcohol is a depressant that can interfere with the neurotransmitters that control your mood.
Avoiding caffeine. It can worsen your anxiety by increasing your stress hormone cortisol.
Drinking water. Even mild dehydration can worsen your mood and increase your anxiety. Experts recommend men have 15 cups of water per day and women have 11. Of that, 80% should come from drinking water and 20% from the food you eat.
Taking care of yourself. Get enough sleep, set boundaries in your personal and professional life, eat a healthy diet, and practice stress-reduction techniques such as mindfulness. These can help you better cope with lifeâs challenges without becoming depressed.
In addition to these steps, ask your doctor about supplements, vitamins, or herbs that may help with any symptoms of depression youâre having.
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What Treatment Should I Be Offered
The National Institute of Health and Care Excellence writes guidance on what treatment doctors should offer you. But your doctor does not have to give you these treatments. And the treatments may not be available in your area.
Different treatments may be available in your area. Your doctor might think these suit your symptoms more than the recommended treatments.
NICE recommend that depression is treated in different steps depending on how severe the condition is for you. The steps are as follows.
Step 1: Everyone who may have depression
Your doctor should offer you:
- an assessment of your symptoms,
- support, such as regular appointments in person or by telephone,
- information on how to deal with your symptoms,
- monitoring of your symptoms and follow-up, and
- referral for further assessment and treatment if needed.
Step 2: Mild to moderate depression
Your doctor may offer you:
- low-intensity interventions, such as self-help guided by the doctor or computerised cognitive behavioural therapy ,
- physical activity programmes,
- group cognitive behavioural therapy ,
- medication if you have a history of moderate or severe depression, or you have had symptoms for a long time, and
- referral for further assessment and treatment if needed.
Step 3: Moderate to severe depression, or mild to moderate depression when other treatments havent worked
Your doctor may suggest:
Step 4: Severe and complex depression or if your life is at risk Your doctor may suggest:
Seek Support For Symptoms Of Depression
Depression is often not recognised and can go on for months or even years if left untreated. Its important to seek support as early as possible, as the sooner a person gets treatment, the sooner they can recover.
Untreated depression can have many negative effects on a persons life, including serious relationship and family problems, difficulty finding and holding down a job, and drug and alcohol problems.
There is no one proven way that people recover from depression. However, there is a range of effective treatments and health professionals who can help people on the road to recovery.
There are also many things that people with depression can do for themselves to help them recover and stay well. The important thing is to find the right treatment and the right health professional for a persons needs.
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Aim To Encourage Instead Of Giving Advice
Treatment helps improve depression symptoms for many people, so you might think its best to urge them to see a therapist. But saying things like, You should go to therapy or You need help may only make them feel worse.
Heres the thing about depression: It can make even simple tasks seem insurmountable. A quick internet search might seem easy to you, but someone in a depression fog might feel overwhelmed by just the thought.
Instead, try, Have you thought about talking to someone? If they seem open to the idea, make the process less daunting by offering to help them find a therapist, schedule an appointment, and go with them to their first sessions.
If theyre already in therapy, remember treatment can take time, and not all approaches work for everyone. Its always fine to ask how things are going, but avoid pressuring them to try other approaches.
Pushing lifestyle changes generally doesnt help, either. Avoid saying:
- You should exercise more.
- Going outside to get some sun will make you feel better.
- If you ate healthier foods, your mood would improve.
Sunlight and physical activity can help, but they arent magical cures. Your advice, however well intentioned, can give your partner the impression you really dont get what theyre going through.
Instead, encourage them to do something with you:
- Im feeling a little restless. Lets go for a walk together.
- The weather is great today! Why dont we eat lunch outside?
When To Get Emergency Help
Anybody thinking or talking about harming themselves should be taken seriously. Itâs time for immediate action.
If youâre thinking about hurting yourself or attempting suicide, or if you know someone whoâs in danger of suicide, call 911 or your local emergency number right away.
And if youâre having suicidal thoughts:
- Reach out to a close friend or loved one.
- Contact a minister, spiritual leader, or someone else in your faith community.
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Is There Something I Can Do For You
So, the best way to really support someone is to offer something specific and tangible, like, Im picking up groceries, what can I get you?
If someone is embarrassed by or resistant to offers of help, reword it so it sounds like theyre doing you a favor. For example:
- My dog is lonely. Is it OK if I walk your dog, too, so he has someone to run around with?
- I promised my kids a playdate this weekend. Can I pick up your kids and take them all to the park for a couple of hours?