I Still Miss Someone: Why You Might Feel This Way
Missing someone hurts. The ache of yearning for another person can cause you to experience sadness, emptiness, despair, or a deep sense of absence. Most people understand that these feelings are normal following the loss of a loved one or when a close friend moves away. It can be a lot more confusing to feel this way when you find yourself longing for someone after ending your relationship with them.
Why would you still miss someone you dont want to be with anymore? You might feel this way because of a sense of nostalgia. Or you might miss certain things about the person. You might even miss the person you were in that relationship.
This article explores what it feels like to miss someone and how it can be challenging to let go of them, even if you dont want them in your life anymore.
When You Miss Your Mental Illness
Were going to talk about something that many people without mental health issues may think is crazy. Hell, you may have mental health issues and think Im crazy for talking about this, but I think its an important topic. Some of us hold ourselves back from healing because well miss our mental illness, and thats something that I had to grapple with recently.
How To Do It
So, what do we do? How do I, and you, and your friends or clients or family members make the leap from imagining a better future to embracing and living it?
This isnt an existential question. It is a question that has been answered by scientific research and yes, you can handle it if you know what is going on.
As outlined by Prochaska in his books and many published research studies, you can reflect by yourself or with someone you trust on where youre at:
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The Difference Between Sadness And Depression
Sadness is a low mood of short duration. Its a normal emotional response that everyone experiences after disappointment, hurt, or a personal loss.
When you feel a sense of sadness, you can usually trace the cause back to a particular life event. You may have lost something or someone you love, or regret a missed opportunity. While you feel this sadness, moments of laughter can co-exist. You dont feel that your world is all or mostly negative. Sadness eases at some point it will pass.
Depression is life altering and more complicated. People experience it differently, and sadness is just one component.
Depression saps lifes energy, and wreaks havoc with a persons hopes and desires to do good things and enjoy life. People with depression may want very much to feel better and be more fully present to those they love. But when fatigue, numbness, or apathy take hold, some may feel desperate and do destructive things to feel less bad.
What To Do When You’re Missing Someone
- Accept and understand what you are feeling and try to express yourself
- Engage in activities that can help you divert your attention and mood
- Interact with other people and make new connections
Moving forward is always the best policy when you aren’t able to rekindle relationships or get rid of the feeling of missing someone.
Doing things out of your comfort zone will also be beneficial as you are opening yourself up to new possibilities, new experiences, and the chance to meet new people.
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Diagnosing And Treating Depression
There’s no physical test for depression.
If you experience depression symptoms most of the day, every day, for more than two weeks, you should visit your GP. This is especially important if:
- you have symptoms of depression that aren’t getting any better
- you have thoughts of self-harm or suicide
- your work, relationships with friends and family, or interests are affected by your mood
It can be hard for people with depression to imagine that anything can help them but the sooner you seek help, the sooner the symptoms start to get better.
Your GP may examine you and perform blood or urine tests to make sure there isn’t another condition causing your depression symptoms, like an underactive thyroid.
When you see your GP, they’ll try to find out if you have depression by asking you questions. These are likely to be about your health, how you’re feeling, and how that is affecting you mentally and physically.
Telling your doctor your symptoms and the affect they are having on you will help your GP to tell if you have depression, and how severe the condition is. It’s important to be as open as possible.
Your conversation with your GP will be confidential. This rule can only be broken if your GP thinks there is a significant risk of harm to you or others, and that telling a family member or carer would make that risk lower.
What Illnesses Happen With Depression
Itâs common for people to have other medical or mental health problems along with depression, such as anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, panic disorder, phobias, substance use disorders, and eating disorders. If you or a loved one has symptoms of depression or another mental illness, talk to your doctor. Treatments can help.
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What Causes Child Depression
Different things can lead to depression. There is no single cause. Some children have genes that make them more sensitive to depression. They may have other family members who have been depressed.
Some children go through stressful things. Some have faced loss, trauma, or hardships. Some go through serious health conditions. These things can lead to sadness or grief and sometimes to depression.
Having extra support during and after hard times helps protect children from depression or lessen the effects. But even when they have good support, some children get depressed. Therapy can help them heal, feel better, and get back to enjoying things.
Effects Of Still Missing Somone
Feeling like you still miss someone can take a toll on your well-being. In addition to the sense of longing and emptiness that you might be feeling in the short term, you might also find yourself experiencing other problems, including:
Learning how to manage the end of a relationship is considered a vital development task during late adolescence and early adulthood. At some point, most people experience either breaking up with someone or being broken up with. How these relationships end, research suggests, can impact future emotional health.
According to one study, understanding the reasons for the breakup was associated with better emotional outcomes and greater relationship competence. Such findings might indicate that even if you do miss the other person, it is essential to understand why you feel that way and why the relationship ended in the first place.
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Other Causes Of Depression
There are a number of things that can lead to developing depression.
- Stressful events big changes in your life, like bereavement, the end of a relationship or the loss of a job, can be difficult to deal with. When these things happen, it’s important to keep seeing friends and family instead of trying to deal with problems alone this increases your risk of developing depression.
- Giving birth pregnancy and birth can make some people vulnerable to depression. Postnatal depression can happen as the result of physical changes, hormonal changes, and the responsibility of taking care of a new baby.
- Loneliness your risk of depression gets higher if you aren’t in contact or spending time with family and friends.
- Personality some personality traits can put you at a higher risk of developing depression. These include low-self esteem or a habit of criticising yourself too much. These personality traits can come from your genes, which you get from your parents, or they can be as a result of experiences in your early life.
- Family history it’s more likely for someone to develop depression if a family member, like a sibling or parent, has experienced it before.
Difficulty Concentrating Remembering And Making Decisions
Depression can interfere with a persons cognitive abilities. They may have trouble focusing or concentrating on personal or professional matters. Additionally, they may find it difficult to make decisions, even those involving seemingly minor, everyday choices.
People with depression may also find that they cannot remember things as well as they did previously. They might forget appointments or commitments and not recall things that they said or did recently.
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Feeling Tired And Having A Lack Of Energy
Some people with depression may find it hard to get up in the morning because they feel exhausted and run down. They may feel too fatigued to do everyday tasks, such as going to work and cooking meals. As a result, they may spend a lot of time at home resting or sleeping.
The fatigue of depression can make a person feel as though they are always tired, even if they are getting enough sleep. However, sleep disturbances are also a symptom of depression, and a person who experiences these can feel even more tired.
What Missing Someone Feels Like
Missing someone often feels like a physical ache in your chest. You might feel sad or even angry. When you are missing them, it might seem like youre not able to concentrate on anything else. You might find yourself thinking about the person all the time, and you might want to talk to them or see them again.
You might find yourself shedding tears when you think about this person. Or you might be tempted to pick up the phone and call or text them. While these feelings can be confusing, it is important to remember that such emotions are not unusual or uncommon.
Missing someone might also cause:
- Changes in appetite
- Feelings of isolation or loneliness
- Loss of interest in activities
- Physical ailments such as muscle tension or upset stomach
- Trouble concentrating
Sometimes these are temporary feelings that come and go or lessen as time goes on. In other cases, some of these feelings might be symptoms of depression. If you have been experiencing sadness, hopelessness, loss of interest, and a loss of pleasure that last longer than two weeks, you should talk to your healthcare provider.
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Why You Still Miss Someone
Life is full of changes, including changes in relationships. It’s natural to miss someone who is no longer part of your life. You may also miss the idea of a person. The person and relationship served a purpose in your life, so when things change, it’s natural to miss what your life and routine were like when that person was part of it.
Relationships are a fundamental part of life, but that doesn’t mean that they always work out. When these bonds are broken, you may experience painful feelings of longing. You might miss someone because:
- You wish they could be part of your life again
- They were once your best friend
- You shared many fond memories
- You still care about them
- You miss their company
That person was once an essential part of your life. Even though you no longer see them, it is perfectly normal to miss the good things that they brought to your life.
You may still find yourself looking back and thinking about them. And in retrospect, the good parts of the relationship might loom larger in your mind. The problems that caused you to end the relationship seem distant and less significant now that you are no longer faced with them each day.
But it is also essential to recognize that you can feel this way even if you were the one to initiate the goodbye. This doesn’t mean that you regret ending things. Instead, it might simply mean that you miss the relationship’s companionship and will eventually be ready to form new relationships with other people.
Depression And Drugs And Alcohol
“Drowning your sorrows” is actually a bad idea when it comes to depression. Alcohol is categorised as a “strong depressant” which can make depression worse, and drinking or taking drugs to cope can lead to a downward spiral by having a negative affect on other parts of your life.
There’s evidence that cannabis can cause depression, particularly in teenagers, even if it helps you relax.
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Creating A Safe Place To Face Personal Challenges
Treatment begins with building a safe, supportive environment. Trauma-informed therapy occurs within an empathetic, therapeutic relationship. Emotional safety is our primary resource, like a protective force field around everything we do. This provides a secure feeling that: I can tell my therapist what is on my mind, they are not going to judge me, dismiss me, be angry with me or shame me they are going to walk alongside me.
The Link Between Nostalgia And Depression
A glimpse of a familiar face, the refrain of a long-forgotten song, a faint fragrance that pulls at your memory any of these can inspire a deep and pervasive longing for people, places, and things that are no longer part of your life.
You cant always trust those glowing snapshots, though.
You see, memory fragments are just that: fragments. As the flowing sands of time wear them down, youre left with an incomplete picture of the past.
The pieces that remain usually arent entirely accurate, either. Your brain has a tendency to apply Instagram-worthy filters to your memories, which can render them softer and more appealing than the actual event.
Say youre riding your bike along the river. A chorus of frogs harmonizes with the soothing rush of water, and the evening breeze cooling your face carries the scent of rain. These sensations provoke a wisp of memory: biking past a similar river on your way home from high school, with nothing to do except grab a snack and retreat to the privacy of your bedroom.
If only life were that simple now, you think wistfully. School and homework were so much easier than work and everything else I have to do.
What you might not remember:
- regular conflicts with your parents
- difficulties to keep your grades high enough to earn a scholarship to a college far from home
- pain of your first heartbreak
So, why does that matter? Whats wrong with remembering the good times?
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Persistent Irritability Or Mood Swings
Depression can cause us to experience outbursts and mood swings. One minute were angry, the next were crying uncontrollably or we shut down and go numb. Changes in our mood can switch in a moments notice. Sometimes these changes can be triggered by small or insignificant challenges, while other times they can come about unprovoked. If you notice a pattern of irritability or mood swings that last more than a few days, it may be linked to depression.
Things That Make You Miss Someone
When there are fresh wounds of hurt, anything can trigger you. Emotions run wild when you miss someone and anything can spark up old memories. The mind is powerful with the amount of information, memories, and emotions it can hold.
As , Relationship Expert & Founder of Ask April stated, places, food, songs, scents, and even random things can make us remember someone. Inevitably it leads us to reminisce. However, Maccario believes it is crucial to learn what you can do when you feel those emotions.
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Do I Need Health Insurance To Receive This Service
The referral service is free of charge. If you have no insurance or are underinsured, we will refer you to your state office, which is responsible for state-funded treatment programs. In addition, we can often refer you to facilities that charge on a sliding fee scale or accept Medicare or Medicaid. If you have health insurance, you are encouraged to contact your insurer for a list of participating health care providers and facilities.
Taking Small Steps To Treat Depression
Once it is grounded in safety and trust, therapy for depression helps build a stable foundation for lasting healing. Healthier life habits and good self-care are a big part of establishing stability to support recovery from depression.
Small changes can make important improvements. You and your therapist may decide to start with better sleep, for example. You may talk about turning off the screen or putting the phone away an hour before you go to bed. If the struggle involves overeating, therapy may touch on what else you might do when feeling depressed. Could you go for a walk? Could you call a friend? Could you write down what is going on for you?
Sometimes depression may make even small changes seem like too much. It may take special effort to work on them. You and your therapist may consider antidepressant medication to help you care for yourself the way you want to.
Beneath this foundation is the principle of self-care. Depression can make it hard to imagine positive change, let alone make it happen. Opening up to self-care and self-compassion through therapy allows hopelessness and self-criticism to move aside so that alternative views can form. Kind, gentle curiosity allows new ways for the mind to think things through.
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