Don’t Take These Signs Lightly
June 20, 2020 by Ben Mcharo
I decided to write about depression not because I am an expert at it but because I have a personal experience with it. I have come head to head with depression several times in my life and sometimes I didnt even know that it was depression which is worse.
I will not be telling you my life story today, may be some other time but I will at least share a thing or two that could help you or you could help someone who is going through depression.
You should know that during the period of depression the person going through it needs people more than he/she might think. So instead of giving them space and leave them alone you should probably show them love something they need the most, and did I say love? Yes, love not pity.
I would love to share with you today the seven signs that if you see happening with your friend, someone you know or anyone thats close to you then you should take action.
The next article will be about what to do when you see these signs happening. There could be more signs but I will be telling you about the ones that are more relevant to our society and times. As I have said before I am no expert so expect fewer professional terms in here but rather the ones you can relate to. Enough with the foreplay lets go to the signs now, thats why you came to read this right?
They Cut Off Communication with Almost Everyone
They Never Want To Talk About It
Some Will Disappear Online
Some Will Start Posting Suspicious Things Online
Support Them In Continuing Therapy
On a bad day, your friend might not feel like leaving the house. Depression can zap energy and increase the desire to self-isolate.
If they say something like, I think Im going to cancel my therapy appointment, encourage them to stick with it.
You might say, Last week you said your session was really productive and you felt a lot better afterward. What if todays session helps, too?
The same goes for medication. If your friend wants to stop taking medication because of unpleasant side effects, be supportive, but encourage them to talk with their psychiatrist about switching to a different antidepressant or stopping their medication entirely.
Abruptly stopping antidepressants without the supervision of a healthcare professional may have serious consequences. Typically, reaching out to a healthcare professional before stopping medication use can prevent health complications.
You May Need Support Too
Worrying about a friend and supporting them while they seek help can impact your own emotional health. Remember to take care of yourself. If the impact on your emotional health is interfering with your life or if youre seeing any of the warning signs weve talked about in this article, reach out for support for yourself
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Tell Them You Understand
Before you tell someone “I understand,” you should be certain that you actually do. Have you ever experienced clinically significant depression? If you have, it may be helpful for your friend to hear that you have experienced what they are feeling and that it can get better.
Keep in mind, however, that there are several different types of depression, and even if you did experience clinical depression, it may have been very different than what your friend is going through.
If what you have been through was a case of the blues, on the other hand, your friend may feel like you are trivializing their experience by comparing it to yours.
In this case, it would be best to simply admit that you don’t understand exactly what they are going through, but that you care about them and want to try. Often, the best words to say are, “I don’t understand, but I really want to.”
Dont Say: Lets Get Some Drinks/weed To Help You Relax
Alcohol and other mind-altering substances are often portrayed in media as a way to unwind or cope with stressors. But the reality is drinking or smoking can make your friend feel worse.
Remember that alcohol is a depressant and there are lots of unknowns about the effects of cannabis on depression, Bespalova says.
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Listen In A Caring And Supportive Way
Although sometimes it may be hard to listen to a friend you hold so dear to your heart saying such dark and sad thoughts, a good way to help is to listen, to make them feel supported, acknowledged in their suffering, and that they have someone to count on.
In dealing with depression it is more important to listen than to give a solution to it, even though you can offer some suggestions, as you see an opportunity to it, small tips might help your friend move out of the negative spiral of thought, but be careful to choose the moment to do so.
Validate Your Depressed Friend’s Feelings And Set Appropriate Boundaries
Depressed people can be acutely hopeless and hard to console, making friendships difficult. Below are some of my thoughts about what friends can do for a depressed person and how friends can maintain appropriate friendship boundaries with the depressed person in their lives.
Validate the pain and move on. We know that distraction is actually good for depressed people, and rumination going over the same negative feelings over and over only encourages further depression. This is not to say that you should ignore your depressed friend’s proclamations of sadness and misery. On the contrary: Validation, listening, and acceptance are helpful, as is encouraging them to also do something other than wallow in their own misery.
Set boundaries. Depressed people may be acutely sensitive to rejection, and you may feel guilty if you try to set boundaries. Don’t feel guilty. Think about what your boundaries are, and respect them. For example, are you okay with listening to the depressed person talk about their miserable life for 10 minutes, but not 1 hour? That’s totally reasonable. Telling the person that you can only talk about their misery for a certain amount of time , and that you will then need to change the subject, is appropriate. This should be something that they respect.
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What You Dont Need To Do:
- Be available 24/7
- Put yourself in danger to watch over your friend
- Feel guilty if things are going well for you
- Stay in a relationship thats no longer working for you
Remember that you are never solely responsible for another persons mental health. You might feel responsible, and your friend might even be making you feel like you are the only one who understands and can help, but that isnt true. There are professionals who have been trained in helping people with mental health challenges, and sometimes as a friend the best thing you can do is step back so that your friend can start getting help from one of them.
One final note on this subject: If a friend is threatening to hurt themselves or you because of something that you do, immediately tell an adult. You cant provide the assistance that they need, even if you want to.
Be Ready To Take Action
If your friend says theyre ready to seek help, thats a big breakthrough and you can play a crucial role in supporting them. For a seriously depressed person, action often requires a large amount of emotional effort, since the illness can make them feel drained and hopeless.
Arranging a visit to the persons primary-care physician can be a good way to get the process started, says Dr. Bates. People may be averse to going for mental healthcare because of perceived stigma, she says. If you can engage the person around their physical complaints, you can say, Why dont we get this checked out? A lot of depressed people have body aches and pains its called somatization. Be aware, your friend may be more receptive to taking their doctors referral to a mental health professional than accepting a recommendation from you.
If their doctor assesses that your friend is not in immediate danger of self-harm then they will likely refer them to a psychologist or psychiatrist. You can offer to go along on the appointment, help them set a date and stick to it.
If your friend is expressing hopelessness, dont be afraid to gently ask about suicidal thoughts and intentions you need to know in order to help. If they are actively suicidal, call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline , or accompany them to the emergency room. Be their advocate with the police, paramedics, admitting department, nurses and doctors. While this can be difficult to do, it can save their life.
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Girlfriend Is Depressed And Is Pushing Me Away
Sometimes its possible that your girlfriend is depressed and stuck in a negative thought pattern, where she feels bad about herself and doesnt want to get closer to people. This can be hard for us to deal with when were on the other side of the conversation it can feel like were being rejected or pushed away without reason. Ive put together some suggestions for how to deal with this:
Instead Say: I Am Here For You What Can I Do To Help
The idea is to center the needs of your friend and let them know you care about how they are feeling.
Get their input on what would be helpful instead of suggesting what you like to do to lift your mood, Bespalova says. This way, the focus is on them and not you.
If your friend isnt sure what will help, there are some tried and true options. You can drop off nutritious, easy-to-reheat dishes see if there are chores you can do for them to make day-to-day life easier or, if they are open to it, share some helpful resources.
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Ways You Can Help A Friend With Depression
10 Ways You Can Help a Friend with Depression
Depression can affect anyone. Yet, it is still an illness that many people don’t understand. People talk about mental illness much more than they used to. Even so, there is still a stigma attached to mental health. A stigma that prevents many people from being open about depression. If you have a friend with depression, it can be difficult to know what you can do to help them. Here are ten ways that you can help a friend who is suffering from depression.
1. Educate Yourself
The first thing to do if you want to help someone with depression is to learn more about the illness. If you have never suffered from depression, it can be very difficult to empathize with someone who is. There are lots of very good resources online that you can refer to. So, do some research and then you will be much better equipped to offer your friend help and support.
2. Take It Seriously
Depression is not something that someone can snap out of. You can’t fix the problem with one good night out, for example. When you are talking to someone with depression, don’t try to make light of the condition. Depression is a serious illness. You won’t be able to help a depressed person by telling them to cheer up or to pull themselves together and get over it.
3. Become a Good Listener
4. Encourage Them to Get Help
5. Offer Practical Help
6. Keep Them in The Loop
7. Don’t Try to Be an Expert
8. Don’t Belittle the Condition
10. Be Patient
Remind Them You’re There For Them
Depression can feel as though no one understands what you are feeling or even cares enough to try to understand, which can be isolating and overwhelming.
Research has shown that people tend to withdraw when they are depressed, so reaching out to a friend in need is an important first step. If your friend isn’t ready to talk, continue to offer your support by spending time with them and try to check in regularly, either in person, on the phone, or by text.
When you reach out to a friend, letting them know that you are going to be there every step of the way can be very reassuring.
You may not quite know what this will look like at first, but know that just reminding your friend that you are someone they can lean on can mean the world.
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Keep The Conversation Going
A key to being there for your friend is recognizing that it will take more than one conversation to help them feel better.
Unfortunately, depression is not cured quickly. Even if someone starts on medication or therapy, it can take weeks to months to feel better or be in remission, Pellegrino says.
Let your friend know that you will be there with them even in difficult moments and then do just that. Be with them and continue to remind them that you care about them.
As for the times when you dont know what to say, its OK to be honest about that too.
In the end, your presence and desire to show up and be with your friend will speak volumes.
Instead Say: Im Worried About You Are You Getting Help With This
The difference in these phrases may seem subtle, but the idea is to focus on how you feel about your friend instead of labeling or unintentionally judging their experience.
Starting with a question also helps you learn more about your friends experience. Maybe theyre already speaking to a therapist, loved ones or spiritual figures or maybe they are cut off from support. Either way, its important to ask instead of assuming you know how your friend is doing or what is best for them.
If your friend wants to see a mental health expert, you can offer to research nearby or telehealth therapists or figure out insurance. Its equally important to avoid pressuring or harassing your friend to seek help if they arent ready or interested, as this can cause more harm than good though there is one critical exception.
In general, you always want to take someones lead and value their autonomy and privacy. If someone is so depressed they are suicidal, however, thats a problem and they need help, says Dr. Laurel Pellegrino, a psychiatrist who sees patients at UW Medical Center Roosevelt.
If your friend starts talking about death or suicide, gives away their belongings or exhibits other warning signs, seek support for you friend. You can call a suicide prevention line with them or call emergency services and ask for a welfare check. In an emergency, call 911.
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How To Support A Friend With Depression
It can be challenging to see a friend feel sad, frustrated and withdrawn. These may be signs of depression, a mood disorder that affects 16 million adults in the U.S. So how can you provide support to friends and loved ones?
As a friend, provide a safe environment for discussion and take time to listen. You could be the first step in your friends recovery by helping them seek care from a mental health professional, says Jeffrey DeVore, LMSW, ACSW, ACT, a behavioral health social worker and psychotherapist at Henry Ford Health.
Information For Family Carers And Friends
You can get support if you are a carer, friend or family member of someone living with depression.
Being a carer might mean you can claim certain benefits that might help you and the person you care for. For more information, please see the Mental Health and Money Advice services website:www.mentalhealthandmoneyadvice.org/en/welfare-benefits/what-benefits-are-available-for-mental-health-carers/
You could also get in touch with carer support groups or sibling support groups. You can search for local groups in your area online or ask your GP.
You can ask your local authority for a carers assessment if you need more practical support to help care for someone.
As a carer you should be involved in decisions about care planning. There are rules about information sharing and confidentiality which may make it difficult for you to get all the information you need in some circumstances.
You can find out more information about:
How can I support the person that I care for?
You might find it easier to support someone with depression if you understand their symptoms, treatment and self-management skills. You can use this to support them to get help and stay well.
Below are some initial suggestions for providing practical day to day support to someone with depression.
You can find out more information about:
You can find more information about:
Website: www.web.ntw.nhs.uk/selfhelp/
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Remind Them That They Matter
A common feeling among those who are depressed is that their lives don’t matter and no one would even care if they were gone. If you can sincerely tell your friend about all the ways that they matter to you and others, this can help them realize that they have value and worth.
Letting them know that they are an important person in your life can mean a lot when someone is struggling with feelings of depression and worthlessness.
Why Did My Girlfriend Push Me Away
If your girlfriend is pulling away from you, there are a lot of reasons that she might be doing it. These include:
- lack of intimacy in the relationship
- or even just bad timing on her part
- Feeling unloved or disrespected by you
Impending breakups due to infidelity are also a principal reason for this kind of behavior.
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