The Best Ways To Tell Parents Seriously That You Have Depression
Categories Parent & Kid
For most teenagers and young adults, the cycle goes like this: after you discover that you have all of the signs of depression, you start wondering how to tell your parents you have depression.
If this is your current situation, you are not alone. You also need to tell your parents so that they can get you some professional help.
Below are a few notes and ideas for how to tell your parents you have depression.
Tips For Talking To Your Parents About Therapy
Reaching out and asking for help is never an easy thing to do. And broaching the subject with parents who may not be supportive can add to the uneasiness many teens and young adults face. The good news is there are ways to approach this conversation that can help it go more smoothly.
Before you sit down with your parents, its critical that you take some time to prepare for the conversation. First and foremost, says Jessica January Behr, PsyD, a licensed psychologist and founder of Behr Psychology, be clear on why you want to start therapy. Forget about your parents for a moment and check-in with yourself, she says.
Behr recommends asking yourself the following questions in regard to therapy before beginning this conversation with your parents:
- Why will this be good for me?
- What do I hope to get out of it?
If youre confident in your answers, you’ll be able to communicate in a way that commands respect and conveys your seriousness, she explains.
She also suggests doing some research, so you present an informed argument. For example, think about the type of therapy you would like and why. It’s much harder to argue when you are the less informed member of the conversation, she says.
Don’t lead with what your parents have done wrong, says Behr. While therapy can be a place where you come to terms with less than optimal parenting strategies or even traumatic experiences, Behr says this is not the way to open.
Write Down Your Feelings
If you know that youre ready to tell your loved ones that you are suffering from depression, but you cant find the words to say it, try writing your thoughts down on paper first. This method will give you a base to go off of when you initiate the discussion, or you can read the letter to them yourself, or give them the paper to read themselves.
Not only is the act of writing your feelings down therapeutic, but it will also prevent you from forgetting what you intended to say or freezing up mid-conversation. You will have time before talking to your loved ones to make revisions and think about what you want to get across to them.
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How To Communicate With A Depressed Teen
Focus on listening, not lecturing. Resist any urge to criticize or pass judgment once your teenager begins to talk. The important thing is that your child is communicating. Youll do the most good by simply letting your teen know that youre there for them, fully and unconditionally.
Be gentle but persistent. Dont give up if they shut you out at first. Talking about depression can be very tough for teens. Even if they want to, they may have a hard time expressing what theyre feeling. Be respectful of your childs comfort level while still emphasizing your concern and willingness to listen.
Acknowledge their feelings. Dont try to talk your teen out of depression, even if their feelings or concerns appear silly or irrational to you. Well-meaning attempts to explain why things arent that bad will just come across as if you dont take their emotions seriously. Simply acknowledging the pain and sadness they are experiencing can go a long way in making them feel understood and supported.
Trust your gut. If your teen claims nothing is wrong but has no explanation for what is causing the depressed behavior, you should trust your instincts. If your teen wont open up to you, consider turning to a trusted third party: a school counselor, favorite teacher, or a mental health professional. The important thing is to get them talking to someone.
Depression Can Make The Work Of Parenting Feel Impossible But Theres Consensus From Both Mental Health Experts And Parents Who Have Raised Their Children Amid Feelings Of Hopelessness And Despair: Help Is Out There And The Sooner You Access It The Better Life Will Be For You And Your Family
When Maddie was single and in her early 20s, she began experiencing intense fatigue and lack of motivation, “a quiet undercurrent of sadness that was never so debilitating that I couldn’t get out of bed but that would flare up for months at a time.” Negative thoughts with themes of insecurity and fear of abandonment played on a loop in her mind. Upon seeing an Instagram pic of friends enjoying a night out, for instance, she’d hear a voice in her head, taunting, “Of course they didn’t invite you you’re boring and annoying.”
When the Seattle-based teacher was 29 and her elder daughter was 2 years old, the thoughts returned. Except now, they accused her of being a horrible mother. “I’d be bathing my daughter and worrying about when she’d stop loving me, or lying in bed next to my husband, thinking, ‘When will he figure out what a fraud I am and leave?’ The kids were at a hard age, motherhood still felt new, and I was overwhelmed with working and parenting, feeling like I was doing everything poorly,” Maddie says. “I’d get them to bed and sit on the stairs and cry, thinking, ‘They deserve better than me,’ but I had nothing left to give.”
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Does The Doctor Know How Youre Feeling
Depression is a very real illness. This means its often treatable and manageable. Encourage your mom or dad to talk with their doctor if theyre feeling depressed, because there are options for resolving the issue. Be honest with your parent: Tell them that youre concerned about their well-being and that you think a health care professionals opinion might be helpful.
How To Tell Your Parents You Have Depression: When You Think They Wont Believe You
Mom and Dad, I am suffering from depression. Its not just a one-time low feeling its been a constant feeling for a while now, and I am feeling less and less well every day. Depression is real, and it kills a lot of people in this county every year. It gets worse when no therapy is administered to the person who is suffering from depression. At first, it was many things that felt difficult for me, but now I I get suicidal thoughts from time to time. I feel so unhappy all of the time, and I know its not normal to feel like this. I need your help.Dad, I hope that you dont take this in the wrong way, but I have to tell you something important. My depression is eating at me. Its this mental condition that affects my brain, and it makes a person feel unhappy. It can also make the person feel weak and fragile all of the time. Ive lost interest in everything, and I feel really unwell. At school, the doctor says that I have all of the signs of depression, and it can kill someone who does not receive treatment for it. I am going to see the doctor for the first treatment tomorrow, and I may need you to be around for it.
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Start With Other Supportive People
If you feel like talking to your parents about depression may be too challenging for you right away, try reaching out to an aunt or uncle or grandparents, that you might be close to.
Make sure it is a family member that is aware of your living situation, your parents, and so on, so you can get good advice that is applicable to your situation.
Tell them that you have been going through this and that you would like to talk to your parents about it, but that you dont know how to yet.
Usually, distant relatives or people who are not living in our home can be excellent mediators and can give you lovely advice on how to cope.
In addition, you will have a comfortable idea of how to go about the conversation.
Practice The Conversation Or Draft The Content
Practice what youre going to say to your parents and how you think they will respond. Berman says to keep the conversation simple and not too complex. For example, Mom/Dad, lately Ive been struggling with and its caused me to . I think I need more help and would benefit from therapy. Can you help me?
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Understanding Depression: Symptoms Causes And Treatments
Hi, I’m Dr. Craig Sawchuk, a clinical psychologist at Mayo Clinic. And I’m here to talk with you about depression. Whether you’re looking for answers for yourself, a friend, or loved one, understanding the basics of depression can help you take the next step.
Depression is a mood disorder that causes feelings of sadness that won’t go away. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of stigma around depression. Depression isn’t a weakness or a character flaw. It’s not about being in a bad mood, and people who experience depression can’t just snap out of it. Depression is a common, serious, and treatable condition. If you’re experiencing depression, you’re not alone. It honestly affects people of all ages and races and biological sexes, income levels and educational backgrounds. Approximately one in six people will experience a major depressive episode at some point in their lifetime, while up to 16 million adults each year suffer from clinical depression.
How To Tell Your Parents You Are Depressed
You can use the below tips to plan and practice how to tell your parents you are depressed:
- Preparing yourself mentally
- Convincing them to find a therapist for you
- Letting them how they can help you during the process
Rather than seeing the whole process as one, lets discuss more on these smaller steps that seem achievable and less daunting.
As one of the biggest hurdles we face during depression is telling parents and friends about what we are experiencing. The thought of how our parents will react to the fact that we have depression keeps swirling around in our minds. And that swirling storm wont calm down unless we tell our parents about it. It can be tough and seem scary, but it is a crucial step in getting better. Remember you are not alone in this fight against depression.
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Do It In A Casual Environment
Research has shown that doing some form of activity, whether its going for a walk, or going out for a coffee, can improve peoples mood. Thats why its a good idea to talk to the person when youre out doing something together that you enjoy. Not only will this serve as a distraction so that both of you can gather your thoughts if needed, but being in a generally better mood is likely to make it much easier for you to open up about depression.
What If Talking To Parents Doesnt Work
Even if you think that your parents wont be willing or be able to help, its still worth it to talk to them. If they dont or cant help you thats up to them, but your job is to at least keep them in the loop, given that they are responsible for you.
You may be surprised by how much your parents rally to your side when you ask for help, even if your parents have a lot going on themselves.
If your parents have too many troubles of their own or other issues going on, you can reach out and if they cant help, go to another adult .
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One Or Both Of My Parents Are Part Of Why I Am Struggling
If one or both of your parents are part of the problem, there are still several options for what you can do.
You can try to explain to a parent you trust or work well with if you have one, and tell them how you are feeling and ask that they either tell or do not tell the other parent.
Another thing you can do instead of talking to your parents is to reach out to another trusted adult in your life, like a Guidance counselor.
Counselors in particular can be very helpful in these situations, as they have experience and expertise with students in similar situations.
Other trusted adults, such as grandparents or an aunt you are close to may be able to help you as well, even more so in creating a plan to talk to your parents.
Also, if you are experiencing physical abuse, sexual abuse, or neglect, inform a trusted adult, or you can visit www.dorightbykids.org to find out more information on definitions of abuse and neglect, reporting, and what happens after you report if you decide to do so.
Jessica January Behr Psyd
Parents can be from different generations, different cultures, or different mindsets that view mental health as something that can be chosen, or should be kept private. Let it sink in, and try not to get angry, but understand that it may take time for your parents to be on board with therapy.
Sometimes parents are unsupportive because they do not understand what therapy is and how it works. If they have not been to therapy themselves or know anyone who has been to therapy, they may benefit from information on what to expect in therapy. Helping them understand what therapy is, or is not, can be helpful, says Drake.
If you have started therapy and youre noticing the positive effects or insights gained through therapy, Behr says to consider sharing the ways that therapy has helped you or improved your ability to communicate with or understand your parents. Showing parents that therapy can actually improve their relationship with you, or improve your overall well-being, they can come around and start to revise their views, she says.
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Talk To A Trusted Family Member
This could be an older sibling, a cool aunt, or even a supportive grandparent.
If you arent sure where to begin, here are some conversation prompts:
- I was wondering if I could share something really personal that Im struggling with. Im having a hard time emotionally, but Mom is really resistant to letting me see a therapist. Do you think you could talk to her for me?
- Can I trust you with something? Ive been feeling very depressed. I want to see a therapist, but Dad is having some hesitations. Could we talk to him together?
- Youve always felt like someone I could talk to when things get bad. I really need your help. Ive been feeling awful lately, but Baba is against the idea of me seeing a therapist. What should I do?
How To Tell A Loved One Youre Depressed
Its difficult for some to admit they are suffering from anxiety or depression to themselves, let alone tell a close friend or loved one. Saying the words out loud can prove to be a terrifying feat the action alone can make the diagnosis feel much more real, when the person affected may actually want to try to hide or forget about their illness.
Despite mental health awareness having increased over the past few years, its still difficult for many to discuss depression, anxiety and other related issues with their loved ones, even if they are close to them. Feelings of guilt, awkwardness, or not wanting to be a burden may hold them back from opening up, but being honest and upfront about their struggles can be an important step on the road to recovery.
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Suicide Warning Signs To Watch For
- Talking or joking about committing suicide
- Saying things like, Id be better off dead,I wish I could disappear forever, or Theres no way out
- Speaking positively about death or romanticizing dying
- Writing stories and poems about death, dying, or suicide
- Engaging in reckless behavior or having a lot of accidents resulting in injury
- Giving away prized possessions
- Saying goodbye to friends and family as if for the last time
- Seeking out weapons, pills, or other ways to kill themselves
Get help for a suicidal teen
If you suspect that a teenager is suicidal, take immediate action! For 24-hour suicide prevention and support in the U.S., call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988. To find a suicide helpline outside the U.S., visit IASP or Suicide.org.
To learn more about suicide risk factors, warning signs, and what to do in a crisis, read Suicide Prevention.
This Is One Of The Most Difficult Things You Can Experience But Know That Youre Not Alone
The isolation that a depressed person feels is one of the hardest things to cope with. When you acknowledge their pain and remind Mom or Dad that theyre not alone, youre letting them know that theyre being seen and heard. This isnt easy and there are no quick solutions. But you can let them know that you are truly there for them. Knowing this might help your parent remember their own value and worth.
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