A Diagnosis: Adjustment Disorders Stress And Depression
My therapist diagnosed me with an adjustment disorder, which is exactly what it sounds like: a physical and emotional response when the stress of an event becomes too big to cope with on your own. Its a stress response that can lead to situational depression, it usually takes hold within three months of a stressful event, and typically takes three to six months to resolve itself when the diagnosis is acute. It can move more quickly with treatment, which can include therapy and medication.
Having a name for what I was going through didnt make it much easier to handle. I had a tremendous amount going on at the time of the breakup. I had recently ended a 10-year-relationship and was struggling to get along with my ex-husband I had two kids to take care of, mounting financial stress, and an underlying mental health condition . There were other jarring events around the same time, like my family cat died suddenly my own health was shaky at best, and far from a priority for my attention. Basically, in the aftermath of the breakup, I felt like my entire life was crumbling from all angles and I was powerless against it. Ultimately, it was too much and my mental health suffered terribly.
Focus On The Positive Aspects Of Your Life
How to do this? Hartman says to remind yourself of the things that make you unique and special or think about past experiences that made you feel good.
Acknowledge the blessings in your life, such as friends and family members who care for you, a job or education opportunity, or even simple pleasures like a tasty meal or time spent in nature, she says.
Meditation is a good choice, too.
How You May Feel After A Breakup
Whether you initiated the breakup, youve been broken up with, or a breakup was mutual, ending a relationship can cause all kinds of emotions, including sadness, confusion, anger, and even sometimes relief. While there is no one right way to feel after a breakup, there are a few things to watch out for:
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Tips For Grieving After A Breakup Or Divorce
Don’t fight your feelings. It’s normal to have lots of ups and downs, and feel many conflicting emotions, including anger, resentment, sadness, relief, fear, and confusion. It’s important to identify and acknowledge these feelings. While these emotions will often be painful, trying to suppress or ignore them will only prolong the grieving process.
Talk about how you’re feeling. Even if it is difficult for you to talk about your feelings with other people, it is very important to find a way to do so when you are grieving. Knowing that others are aware of your feelings will make you feel less alone with your pain and will help you heal. Writing in a journal can also be a helpful outlet for your feelings.
Remember that moving on is the end goal. Expressing your feelings will liberate you in a way, but it is important not to dwell on the negative feelings or to over-analyze the situation. Getting stuck in hurtful feelings like blame, anger, and resentment will rob you of valuable energy and prevent you from healing and moving forward.
Remind yourself that you still have a future. When you commit to another person, you create many hopes and dreams for a life together. After a breakup, it’s hard to let these aspirations go. As you grieve the loss of the future you once envisioned, be encouraged by the fact that new hopes and dreams will eventually replace your old ones.
Know That You Cannot Make Someone Love You
After all is said and done, if you still feel that this relationship has a chance, then maybe you and the other person can work on it. But remember you cannot make another person love you.
Give them the time and the space they require to get their head straight as well. They have gone through this breakup too, and I am sure they are feeling a whole bunch of different emotions. We have to remember that. We tend to be selfish when it comes to these things. This person might be going through the same thing as you. Being overly persistent and clingy is just going to push them away even more.
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What Can Lead To A Breakup
Breakups happen for many reasons. Some reasons are externalsuch as one of you moving away, going to separate colleges, or going through another lifestyle change that affects how you prioritize relationships. Other reasons are more about internal changesmaybe you feel like youve grown apart, or youre growing in different directions. In some cases, relationships are unhealthy for one or both people. A relationship may come to an end naturally or may need to end to preserve one or both peoples mental health and well-being.
How To Prevent Depression In The Midst Of A Breakup
If you’ve just broken up with your partner, or visa versa, you might be wondering if there’s anything you can do to keep depression at bay.
It’s important to note that there’s nothing you can do to definitively ward off depression. Still, there are a few different lifestyle changes you can make that can decrease your chance of developing depression after a breakup.
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Symptoms Of Breakup Depression
Feelings of sadness can vary from mild to severe after a breakup. Sometimes these feelings can be strong for a relatively brief period of time. In other cases, people might feel a range of mild to strong feelings of sadness that fluctuate and linger for a longer period of time.
Because emotional responses to a breakup can vary so greatly, it can be difficult to discern when to reach out for additional support. More serious symptoms that may indicate depression include:
- Feelings of hopelessness or helplessness
- Losing or gaining weight appetite changes
- Sleeping too much or too little
- Loss of pleasure and interest
- Feelings of worthlessness
- Feeling sad, empty, or worthlessness
- Fatigue and lack of energy
- Thoughts of death or suicide
Grief and sadness are human responses to stressful and painful life events. Research has found that breakups can influence people in a number of profound ways.Following the end of a relationship, people report experiences such as distress, loneliness, and a loss of self-esteem.
Allow yourself time to grieve the loss of the relationship. Responses may include a period of mourning, sadness, frustration, bargaining, anger, denial, and regret. It is a period of adjustment, so you grant yourself as much time as needed to feel what you feel, process, and heal. While upsetting, these feelings usually start to shift with time as you heal and recover mentally, emotionally, and relationally from the breakup.
Help For Overcoming Depression After A Breakup
In You Can Heal Your Heart: Finding Peace After a Breakup, Divorce, or Death, Louise Hay and expert David Kessler discuss the emotions that occur when a relationship leaves you brokenhearted, a marriage ends in divorce, or a loved one dies. With a perfect blend of Louises teachings and affirmations on personal growth and transformation and Davids many years of working with those in grief, this empowering book will inspire an extraordinary new way of thinking, bringing hope and fresh insights into your life and even your current and future relationships. You will not only learn how to help heal your grief, but you will also discover that, yes, you can heal your heart.
I wrote 75 How to Let Go of Someone You Love: 3 Powerful Secrets for Healing Your Heart because I needed to learn how to overcome depression after my sister left my life. Letting her go was the most painful and difficult thing I ever did, but I had no choice.
To write this ebook, I interviewed life coaches, counselors, and grief coaches on letting go. I know how shocking, confusing, and heart-wrenching it is when youre letting go of a loved one. Its devastating and it changes how you see yourself. Learning how to let go of someone you love is about rediscovering your passion and identity.
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Breakups Are Rarely Easy But What If Moving On After A Relationship Isnt As Easy For You As It Is For Others
Ending a relationship can be tough. Perhaps youve drifted apart and things have ended amicably maybe communication had broken down, or your emotional connection has faded over time. Infidelity, money troubles, toxic or excessive jealousy, trouble making things work long-distance there are more reasons than you can count for a relationship to end. Yet, for many of us, that doesnt make the healing process any easier.
The average American adult will experience three major relationship breakups during their lifetime, taking six months to get over each fully. Yet, according to research, on average we give ourselves just four days to wallow in sadness immediately after it has ended. For those ending a more long-term committed relationship like a marriage, studies have estimated it can take up to 18 months to feel ready to move on.
So, why do some of us seem to be more affected than others when it comes to moving on from our relationships? And could taking longer to get over your ex be a sign of something more serious?
What To Do When Youre Depressed After A Breakup
When youre feeling depressed after a breakup, you have to begin by doing some introspection. Go ahead and grab a pen and paper, and begin writing down the elements of your personal life that got put on the back burner while you were in this relationship.
Did you stop spending time with your friends and family? Did you lose sight of your professional goals? Did you put hobbies aside? Start thinking about what kind of elements you can start to reintroduce into your life so that you can fill up your schedule with things that bring you joy.
It is crucial to start getting busy, even if the temptation to stay home on your couch is pretty big. Getting yourself out of your comfort zone and giving yourself new, exciting challenges can change everything.
Youre going to start feeling better about yourself and whats more, your new, positive energy is going to start attracting others like moths to a flame.
Another powerful tool for getting out of depression after a breakup is physical exercise. Not only is it going to boost your self confidence because youll start seeing positive changes its going to boost your energy and your mood because youll be releasing endorphins and serotonin.
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Journal Even Though You Wont Feel Like Doing This Either
Eckleberry-Hunt understands you may not feel like it, but she still encourages people to journal and write about how theyre feeling and doing.
Write about goals. Hold yourself accountable to those goals. Argue your negative self-talk. This is also a great reminder when you have written facts that you need to be reminded of later when you are re-writing history about your ex.
Good point. Nostalgia can be a cute little liar.
When To See A Doctor
If you have a healthcare professional or therapist you feel comfortable with, its a good idea to visit them.
Hartman says discussing your emotions with a doctor or therapist can help you identify and address any underlying mental health issues that might be causing the depression.
Your healthcare provider can also provide recommendations for treatments such as counseling sessions, medications, lifestyle changes, or other interventions that may help you cope with the emotional distress of the breakup.
Plus, Hartman adds, talking to a professional may help you gain insight into how better to manage the situation in terms of communication and decision-making.
Eckleberry-Hunt says if a person is having thoughts of suicide, that person should def see a healthcare provider.
If the grief and sadness is lasting beyond a month and isnt getting better , that is a good time to see a healthcare provider. I am a strong proponent of counseling, however, she says.
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Your Weight May Increase Especially If Youre An Emotional Eater
The stress during and after a breakup can cause weight gain, especially around your tummy area. It also causes your body to crave sugar and fat, which leads to mindless eating. You may also feel like youve been punched in the stomach. Intense emotional pain can activate the same nerves as physical pain you literally feel rejection in your body.
How Can I Look After My Mental Health And Move On After A Breakup
Situational depression symptoms typically fade within six months. For more mild or moderate symptoms, you may feel able to work through these yourself. However, if youre worried about your symptoms or how long your low mood is lasting, speaking with your GP is the first step. They can offer assessments, referrals, and treatment options.
Speaking with someone with an outside perspective can offer you a safe, neutral space to express yourself and talk through your experiences and feelings. This can, for many, feel freeing, and can help you to process unresolved thoughts and feelings. Working with an experienced, qualified counsellor or therapist can also help you to better understand yourself, the way you think, and how you cope with problems and big life events.
Giving yourself time to embrace your emotions positive and negative can help you to better process them, whilst taking time to grieve for your lost relationship. Ensuring you continue to keep a healthy, sustainable self-care routine can ensure that your wellbeing is still a priority. Getting enough sleep, eating well, and continuing to exercise are all not only great parts of a nourishing self-care routine, but can boost your mood, improve energy levels, and help to fuel you through the tough period of adjustment.
To find out more, visit Counselling Directory or speak to a qualified counsellor.
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How To Move On After A Breakup
Emotional pain after a relationship breakup is a natural response to loss, even if you made the decision to end it.
Feeling sad or irritable, having difficulty concentrating, and withdrawing from friends and family for a while after the event is completely valid and not uncommon. It doesnt mean you have depression.
But if you think youre having a particularly hard time dealing with the breakup, or your emotions are significantly impacting your life and other relationships, its highly advisable that you reach out to a mental health professional.
If you believe youre going through a grieving process, working on coping skills to work through grief may help.
Here are some tips to work through your sadness after a breakup:
Plan A Solo Adventure
After spending time as a couple, it can be hard learning to be single again. And while the thought of doing something solo may seem a little daunting at first, it also can be extremely liberating too. Of course, you don’t have to plan an entire experience, but you should plan to get used to the idea of spending time alone again.
Whether that means spending a relaxing evening alone, going on a hike in the mountains, or planning a short getaway, the key is that you get used to being alone with yourself. If you’re having trouble coming up with ideas consider choosing something that your ex would never do that you really wanted to do.
You will finally get the experience you wanted and it can feel cathartic to do something they would never agree to doing. It’s the perfect opportunity to make up for lost time. Plus, it might serve as a helpful reminder as to why you’re not a good match for one another.
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Surprising Reasons You Feel Depressed After A Breakup
By Mitzi Bockmann Written on Aug 21, 2020
Are you feeling depressed after a breakup? Are you totally miserable and wondering why?
Feeling depressed after a breakup is totally natural. While its not surprising that you are devastated because your heart has been damaged, there are other, sometimes surprising reasons why you are feeling depressed.
Those reasons might be easier to manage if you have some awareness about them.
You May Feel Like All You Can Think About Is Your Ex
The pain and confusion that stems from heartbreak can consume every part of your life, becoming all you think or talk about. You will likely find yourself seeking answers from your coworkers, family, or friends, going over every aspect of the relationship and trying to find logical explanations for why things shouldn’t have ended.
Agonizing over memories of your relationship, both good and bad, can even cause you to dream of your ex. This, in turn, can affect the quality of your sleep and cause you to wake up feeling sadder and more exhausted than you were when you went to bed. Unfortunately, there’s no way to fix thisyou must simply let it pass with time.
https://pixabay.com/en/fear-anxiety-emotion-worry-scared-2019930/
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If You Have A Lot Of Mutual Friends
Mutual friends will probably want to know what happened after a breakup. Its generally best to avoid getting into the details. They might get two very different stories, and gossip can become a problem in some situations.
If friends have heard an untrue version of what happened, you might want to share the truth. Try to avoid an emotionally charged response and offer the facts calmly, without saying anything negative about your ex-partner.
Keep in mind some friends may take sides. You cant avoid this or force anyone to maintain the friendship. But you can avoid playing into gossip and drama by resisting the urge to say negative things about your ex.
Finally, its generally best to avoid asking friends for news of your ex-partner.
When working through a poly breakup, its important to consider how breaking up with one partner can affect your other relationships.