Why Dont You Just
Lots of things can help with depression, but pressuring your loved one to do something theyre not ready for or dont feel able to do can leave them feeling worse rather than better. Try to avoid phrases such as you should, which imply that there is an easy solution that theyre just not doing.
Exercise is a great example of this. Exercise often helps people with depression, but having depression makes your body less efficient at creating energy at a cellular level. This makes it really hard to exercise. Being told to just go for a run when youre in the middle of moderate or severe depression can feel as difficult as being told to just fly to the moon.
Recovering from depression is a slow process. Pushing them to leap in at a level they dont have the resources for is unlikely to help.
What to say instead: I cant guarantee itll help, but if youd like, we could go for a walk/cook something nutritious/try to find a therapist for you together.
How Can I Help Someone With Depression
Depression is a serious but treatable disorder that affects millions of people, from young to old and from all walks of life. It gets in the way of everyday life, causing tremendous pain, hurting not just those suffering from it but also impacting everyone around them.
If someone you love is depressed, you may be experiencing any number of difficult emotions, including helplessness, frustration, anger, fear, guilt, and sadness. These feelings are all normal. Its not easy dealing with a friend or family members depression. And if you neglect your own health, it can become overwhelming.
That said, your companionship and support can be crucial to your loved ones recovery. You can help them to cope with depression symptoms, overcome negative thoughts, and regain their energy, optimism, and enjoyment of life. Start by learning all you can about depression and how to best talk about it with your friend or family member. But as you reach out, dont forget to look after your own emotional healthyoull need it to provide the full support your loved one needs.
Understanding depression in a friend or family member
Depression is a serious condition. Dont underestimate the seriousness of depression. Depression drains a persons energy, optimism, and motivation. Your depressed loved one cant just snap out of it by sheer force of will.
What Are The Different Types Of Depression
Two common forms of depression are:
- Major depression, which includes symptoms of depression most of the time for at least 2 weeks that typically interfere with ones ability to work, sleep, study, and eat.
- Persistent depressive disorder , which often includes less severe symptoms of depression that last much longer, typically for at least 2 years.
Other forms of depression include:
- Perinatal depression, which occurs when a woman experiences major depression during pregnancy or after delivery .
- Seasonal affective disorder, which comes and goes with the seasons, typically starting in late fall and early winter and going away during spring and summer.
- Depression with symptoms of psychosis, which is a severe form of depression where a person experiences psychosis symptoms, such as delusions or hallucinations .
Individuals diagnosed with bipolar disorder also experience depression.
Don’t Miss: Depression Support Groups Spokane Wa
Why Cant You Just Snap Out Of It
Asking someone with depression to just snap out of it or to push through it minimizes the severity of their illness and makes it harder for them to seek or accept help.
Caring for a friend, family member, boyfriend, or girlfriend with clinical depression can be tiring and frustrating. This is especially true if theyre not ready to seek help or if they keep behaving in ways that you consider self-destructive, such as drinking too much or not looking after their physical health.
Even though its hard, try not to let your frustrations come out by making these kinds of comments. Its usually better to turn to your support network to help you deal with your frustration and let you continue offering love and support to the depressed person.
Article continues below.
Break free from social awkwardness
Learn how to stop being awkward in our free training. Take our quiz to get started.
In the words of one writer with depression, I cant try not being depressed any more than someone else can try not being tall.
What to say instead: You dont have to fight your depression alone. Some days will be better, and others will be worse, but Ill be with you all the way.
Making A Support Plan
If your child is experiencing depression and needs ongoing support, it can be helpful to create a support plan together with the professionals around your child so that you know exactly what help is available and how your child can access it. This could include things like:
- agreements with their GP, or their key worker if they are being treated by CAMHS, about when they will next check-in
- whether any referrals can be made to other services, and a list of the services available locally that might be able to support them
- what your childs school can offer including a staff member who they can speak to when theyre struggling.
- people your child trusts and can talk to when they need to, including family and friends.
You can find out more about speaking to GPs, finding a counsellor or therapist, accessing Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services , getting help from your childs school and finding local services on our guide to getting help.
Recommended Reading: What Is Deep Brain Stimulation For Depression
Help Them To Find Support
Your friend might not be aware of what professional support options are available, or they may be unsure of how to get support. Even if they know about support options, it can be daunting to see a health professional.
You can offer support by encouraging your friend to speak to a health professional or an adult they trust. You could offer to join them for the conversation if they want, or even ask if theyd like you to book the appointment if its with a professional. A GP can organise a mental health care plan for them if needed. This means that your friend will get a referral to a psychologist or other professional. Theyll also get Medicare-subsidised sessions getting help doesnt have to mean they have to fork out hundreds of dollars.
Not everyone is ready to see somebody face-to-face. You could recommend hotlines or online chat-based helplines. The ReachOut NextStep tool can also provide tailored support options so they can make their own plan. Here are some support services they could use, and some more information about getting professional support for depression and anxiety.
If theyre not able to seek help on their own, ask for their permission to talk to an adult they trust on their behalf. If they refuse, and youre still really concerned, consider talking to an adult you trust, such as a teacher, parent or school counsellor.
I Know Exactly How You Feel
Youre probably trying to be supportive when you tell someone that you know exactly how they feel, but it can sometimes make them feel more isolated.
We never know exactly how another person is feeling and saying that we do risks trivializing their emotional pain. It can also make it harder for them to talk about what theyre going through if they think youve already formed your opinion about whats going on for them.
What to say instead: Everyones experience of depression is different, and Im not going to pretend that I know exactly what youre going through. I can relate to a lot of it though, and Im here to listen.
Don’t Miss: How To Cure Depression And Anxiety Alone
Teen Anxiety And Depression Are Normal
Apart from using statistics and the Bible to assure teens that anxiety and depression are common, one of the best ways we can normalize these problems is to talk about mental illness and other emotional disorders as common experiences in a fallen world. Speak about it around the supper table or in the car. If we are teachers or preachers, we can talk about it in the classroom, in the pulpit, or at youth groups. Look out for long-term changes in your teens behavior and moods and take opportunities to ask her whats going on in her thoughts and feelings. You could say, for example, You seem to be a bit down or troubled. Can I help in any way? To maximize the chances of your teen opening up to you, try not to come across as judgmental, critical or scared.
Only one thing is worse than never talking about such disorders, and that is to mock, shame or stigmatize those who suffer with them. Such a cruel and arrogant attitude will ensure that our teens will never talk to us about these challenges or seek our help. They will either bottle it up and suffer in silence, or else they will seek help from others outside of the Christian community, who may lead them astray. At worst, they may start cutting themselves to find temporary relief, or even attempt suicide as a permanent solution.
Listen And Provide Emotional Support
Try not to ask too many questions, come up with quick solutions or gloss over their sadness. Empathise with how theyre feeling and remember theyve taken a risk in opening up to you let them know they can talk to you as often and for as long as they need to.
Try not take it personally if youre on the receiving end of anger, frustration and sadness, as its often a sign of how much your child trusts you when they can express these feelings with you. However, it is completely understandable if this sometimes becomes too much for you to manage as a parent – and if that happens, it’s a good idea to seek professional help and advice.
Also Check: How To Talk To Your Teenager About Depression
Taking Care Of Yourself
Theres a natural impulse to want to fix the problems of people we care about, but you cant control someone elses depression. You can, however, control how well you take care of yourself. Its just as important for you to stay healthy as it is for the depressed person to get treatment, so make your own well-being a priority.
Remember the advice of airline flight attendants: put on your own oxygen mask before you assist anyone else. In other words, make sure your own health and happiness are solid before you try to help someone who is depressed. You wont do your friend or family member any good if you collapse under the pressure of trying to help. When your own needs are taken care of, youll have the energy you need to lend a helping hand.
Speak up for yourself. You may be hesitant to speak out when the depressed person in your life upsets you or lets you down. However, honest communication will actually help the relationship in the long run. If youre suffering in silence and letting resentment build, your loved one will pick up on these negative emotions and feel even worse. Gently talk about how youre feeling before pent-up emotions make it too hard to communicate with sensitivity.
Ways You Can Help A Friend With Depression
10 Ways You Can Help a Friend with Depression
Depression can affect anyone. Yet, it is still an illness that many people don’t understand. People talk about mental illness much more than they used to. Even so, there is still a stigma attached to mental health. A stigma that prevents many people from being open about depression. If you have a friend with depression, it can be difficult to know what you can do to help them. Here are ten ways that you can help a friend who is suffering from depression.
1. Educate Yourself
The first thing to do if you want to help someone with depression is to learn more about the illness. If you have never suffered from depression, it can be very difficult to empathize with someone who is. There are lots of very good resources online that you can refer to. So, do some research and then you will be much better equipped to offer your friend help and support.
2. Take It Seriously
Depression is not something that someone can snap out of. You can’t fix the problem with one good night out, for example. When you are talking to someone with depression, don’t try to make light of the condition. Depression is a serious illness. You won’t be able to help a depressed person by telling them to cheer up or to pull themselves together and get over it.
3. Become a Good Listener
4. Encourage Them to Get Help
5. Offer Practical Help
6. Keep Them in The Loop
7. Don’t Try to Be an Expert
8. Don’t Belittle the Condition
10. Be Patient
Also Check: How Do Doctors Diagnose You With Depression
What Can I Do To Help Today
Depression often causes fatigue, trouble sleeping, and a lack of motivation. Sometimes just getting out of bed can be hard.
Asking what you can do can really help them through their day.
Maybe theyre not eating well and you can pick up dinner. Maybe they need a morning call or text to ensure they get to work on time. Offering to do so is a way to let them know its OK to seek help.
Sometimes you just need to listen. Helping doesnt have to be a huge, drastic effort. It can be as simple as picking up a phone, sharing a meal, or driving them to an appointment.
Information For Family Carers And Friends
You can get support if you are a carer, friend or family member of someone living with depression.
Being a carer might mean you can claim certain benefits that might help you and the person you care for. For more information, please see the Mental Health and Money Advice services website:www.mentalhealthandmoneyadvice.org/en/welfare-benefits/what-benefits-are-available-for-mental-health-carers/
You could also get in touch with carer support groups or sibling support groups. You can search for local groups in your area online or ask your GP.
You can ask your local authority for a carers assessment if you need more practical support to help care for someone.
As a carer you should be involved in decisions about care planning. There are rules about information sharing and confidentiality which may make it difficult for you to get all the information you need in some circumstances.
You can find out more information about:
How can I support the person that I care for?
You might find it easier to support someone with depression if you understand their symptoms, treatment and self-management skills. You can use this to support them to get help and stay well.
Below are some initial suggestions for providing practical day to day support to someone with depression.
You can find out more information about:
You can find more information about:
Website: www.web.ntw.nhs.uk/selfhelp/
Recommended Reading: How Do I Support Someone With Depression
How To Explain Depression To Your Partner
When people are in a relationship they tend to become intertwined. The most common reaction to depression in one partner is the other partner assuming theyve done something wrong or that theyre deficient in some way. Its important to clear the air and minimise anxieties so you can work as a team and not two anxious individuals.
Here are some tips:
Make them know its not about them. Because this is likely their first anxiety, it is the most important thing to do. Explain why depression happens and how it can be outside of either partners control.
Be clear about both of your needs. Relationships evolve and change with the people in them. To make sure the emotional adjustments dont bring any unnecessary friction, be clear about how your emotions may be changing during this time, how this may impact your needs and theirs.
Show appreciation. Lastly, its important to show how much you care about your partner. Although its difficult for you at this time, its also difficult for them, and its important that you show them that you see that.
Take Care Of Yourself
It can be pretty scary and intense to see someone you care about experiencing depression or anxiety. You can be there for your friend, but its equally important to do things that keep you well. By taking care of yourself, youll be in a better place mentally and physically, and this allows you to better support the people around you.
Remember to do the following to make sure your own wellbeing is looked after:
- Monitor your mood. You might be really worried about your friend, but it’s important that you also monitor your own mood and stress levels. This could include rating your mood out of ten each day, to track how you’re doing.
- Don’t give up the things you enjoy. Always make sure you’ve got the time to do your favourite things.
- Make time to relax. Relaxation is great for helping you to unwind and deal with stress.
- Set boundaries. You arent going to be able to be there for your friend all of the time. Set some limits around what youre willing, and not willing, to do. For example, you might decide not to take any phone calls in the middle of the night, or not to miss social events just because your friend isnt up to going.
- Ask for support. Its important that youre getting your own emotional support. Talk to people you trust about how youre feeling.
Don’t Miss: Weighted Blanket For Anxiety And Depression
Engage Them In Sports And Other Extracurricular Activities
You can buy an easy to set up basketball hoop or pack your bags and go hiking or camping, or any other popular sports or extracurricular activities that they would like. This will keep them actively and productively engaged and make them see that there is more to live for.
This helpful article on Sports gifts for teenage guys will help you with more sports items to buy for a teenager.