Be Completely Honest With Each Other
Secondly both partners need to face difficult questions, which requires them to be open with each other. Did both partners play their own role in the infidelity? How so? Did they neglect each other and the relationship for example? Or did the betraying partner have unmet emotional needs? Such needs may include the need to escape, feel validated, overcome personal insecurities or discover something new about themselves. Both partners need to reach a point of true honesty to stand a chance of saving their relationship.
Find A Way To Express Your Emotions
Signs Of Depression After Your Spouse Cheated On You
Depression is caused by all kinds of things, but it can certainly set in for a period of time if youve been cheated on in your marriage. The following are some of the signs you can look for to help you understand if what youre experiencing is sadness, or depression:
- Changes in your mood Feeling anxious, hopeless, feelings of apathy, guilt and mood swings
- Changes in your sleeping patterns Waking up earlier than normal, feeling fatigued all day long, having insomnia or restless sleep
- Changes in your body Feeling excessively hunger or having no appetite at all, feeling tired, or feeling restless
- Changes in your behavior Getting agitated easily, crying, feeling irritable or wanting to isolate yourself socially
- Changes in your mind Finding it difficult to concentrate, responding to other slowly
You may also experience weight gain or weight loss, and that is an indicator of depression as well.
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Practice Accepting Difficult Emotions
Plenty of unpleasant emotions can show up in the aftermath of betrayal. Its common to feel humiliated or ashamed. You might also feel furious, vengeful, sick, or grieved. Naturally, you might find yourself trying to avoid this distress by denying or trying to block what happened.
Although hiding from painful or upsetting emotions might seem easy and safe, avoiding or masking your emotions can make it more difficult to regulate them.
Putting a name to specific emotions anger, regret, sadness, loss can help you begin navigating them more effectively.
Recognizing exactly what youre dealing with can make it easier and less frightening to sit with those emotions and slowly increase your awareness of them. Greater emotional awareness, in turn, can help you begin identifying strategies to cope with those feelings more productively.
How To Cope With The Emotional Pain Of Being Cheated On
If you are wondering how to heal and what to do after a partner cheats, consider the following:
- Dont make rash decisions. Dont feel under pressure to make any big life decisions fast. The intense emotions following the betrayal of infidelity take time to settle. The answer to the famous dilemma of Should I stay or should I go can wait until the initial shock subsides.
- Look after yourself. This is the time to put yourself first. Be kind to yourself, do things that you enjoy, and allow yourself to go through emotions. If you need time off work or a holiday break, then go ahead and give yourself time off.
- Spend time with loved ones. You may feel extremely lonely in the aftermath of infidelity. Spend time with people that make you feel good about yourself. You dont have to discuss the cheating, just make sure that you are in good company.
- Dont blame yourself. There are many reasons why people cheat. Infidelity is not always the symptom of an unhappy relationship. It does not necessarily mean that your partner has stopped loving you or caring for you.
- Talk to someone who understands. Dont go through this alone. You need a non-judgmental person on your side -someone who is willing to listen without imposing their beliefs. If you dont have such a person in your environment, consider finding a therapist.
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Anger And Depression: Part Of Healing From Infidelity
First, he was caught up in the Obsession Cycle.
I want to talk about the second cycle, the Depression Cycle. This is a very common cycle that causes emotions to cycle back and forth. You go back and forth between anger and depression.
Mentors, its helpful to understand this cycle and to know that couples are going to go through it. Its normal and its part of the process.
Mental Health Consequences Of Cheating
Part of the reason cheating comes as such as huge blow is because it actually impacts our mental health, causing increased symptoms of anxiety and depression, as well as other distress.
Infidelity is one of the most distressing and damaging events couples face, M. Rosie Shrout of the University of Nevada, Reno, told PsyPost following a study she co-authored on the impacts of infidelity. The person who was cheated on experiences strong emotional and psychological distress following infidelity.
In the study, which was published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Shrout and her research partner Daniel J. Weigel interviewed 232 college students who had recently experienced infidelity. Not only did their research discover adverse mental health consequences, but those who had been cheated on increased symptomatic behaviors such as poor eating habits, substance use, unsafe sex, or over-exercise.
When we look at what causes the psychological distress, it largely comes down to broken trust, decreased self-esteem, feelings of abandonment, and a loss of control, according to New York-based psychotherapist and relationship expert Lisa Brateman. We question how we could have missed the signs and often blame ourselves for the cheating partners behavior.
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A Woman Feels Confused
We have already listed a few things a woman feels after being cheated on. There are others such as shame, fear, and anxiety. Put them all together, and its a flood of emotions that can drive anyone crazy. Its hard to imagine how to trust after being cheated on by the person they love the most.
Trusting another person is difficult when a woman is confused and they do not even trust themselves.
A persons mental and emotional state after infidelity can range from a melancholic state to full-blown breakdown. Any man who would put a woman they care about through such an ordeal cant be trusted.
If we are to create a comprehensive list of what a woman feels after being cheated on, we will most likely use all the negative emotions in the dictionary. It would be easier to describe it as a hellish experience. It leaves a lot to the imagination, but that is fairly accurate since theres no single word that can describe the pain.
How Being Cheated On Affects Your Mental Health And Behaviour
Life Editor at HuffPost UK
Anyone whos ever been cheated on knows the destruction it can leave behind: it can damage your self-esteem, make you swear off future relationships and sometimes, leave you questioning what you did wrong.
But the research also highlights that our attribution of blame – whether we blame ourselves for a partner straying or blame the partner – impacts our behaviour.
Those who blamed themselves were found to be more likely to engage in risky health behaviours, such as drug and alcohol abuse or disordered eating.
Researchers from the University of Nevada surveyed more than 230 students who had been cheated on within the past three months, either by an ex or current partner.
The participants had an average relationship length of 1.76 years.
The team found that being cheated on was linked to mental health issues such as depression, anxiety and said people who experienced more emotional and psychological distress after being cheated on engaged in more risky behaviours.
They were more likely to eat less or not eat at all, use alcohol or marijuana more often, have sex under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or over-exercise, study author M. Rosie Shrout told Psypost.
Being cheated on seems to not only have mental health consequences, but also increases risky behaviours.
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Think About What You Want
Moving on after infidelity means taking the lead on how you want to live your life. Do you want to break up with your partner, or do you want to work on your relationship? Weiss suggests weighing all of the factors: “First of all, has the cheating stopped? Have the lies and secrets stopped? Generally speaking, are there more positive than negatives to the relationship? Is the cheating partner ever going to be able to restore relationship trust? There is no set formula for deciding to stay or go, but these questions can provide clarity.” These are important questions without right or wrong answers.
Regardless of what others say, your greatest concern should be yourself. For instance, if your partners actions are a deal-breaker for you, break up with your partner. On the flip side, you may feel hurt and betrayed by your partner but still want them in your life. “Betrayed partners should understand that it is normal to continue to love and care for someone, even after a betrayal,” says Weiss. “Both parties have to want to rebuild trust and intimate connection. The good news is that after an infidelity, if both parties do their work in the process of healing, relationships can end up being stronger than everdeeper vulnerability, deeper intimacy, and more rather than less support of one another.”
Or, then again, you may also not be sure what you want. That’s okay. The decision is yours alone to make.
Getting Help From A Professional
God is just waiting for you to turn to Him. His arms are open for you, but sometimes it requires the help and support of a professional to allow you to work through the thoughts and feelings that are contributing to depression. Talking with a Christian Marriage Coach and is a really good way to learn more about what Gods Word says about your situation, and it can help you work through your pain in ways that will only lead to good things for your life.
If you would like to schedule an appointment with me, Id love to hear from you. Please contact me at 843-379-0288, or you can use my convenient online scheduler to make an appointment as well.
Remember, depression is not here to stay. With Gods help, all things are possible even healing when struggling with depression after your spouse cheated on you.
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Where It Comes From
If you want to maintain the relationship, the need to hold on to your partner at all costs may partially drive your desire to connect physically.
The explanation behind this reaction to infidelity can be fairly complex, however, and other reasons, whether you consciously recognize them or not, can also factor in.
Heres a look at some of the potential drivers.
Building A Future Relationship
Both partners must realize that their past relationship is over and that their goal is to build a new one that will withstand challenges in the future. When the partner who is the ally in healing merges with the partner who is ready to move on, they can create a new kind of sacred trust that can be significantly stronger by virtue of what theyve been through together.
This process is not for those who want a quick fix, nor for those who hold fast to the past. Superficializing a true betrayal can create unresolvable pain. Similarly, carrying mistrust, anger, and pain forever will eventually destroy any hope of true healing. The betraying partner must take seriously what he or she has done. The partner who has been betrayed must truly want to rebuild the relationship and ultimately learn to trust that person again.
Yes, I have seen partners do this kind of healing, and do it beautifully. They take the lessons from the past, learn to communicate courageously and honestly, and build something neither has known before. Their relationship Phoenix can emerge from the ashes of their mutual sorrow.
Facebook image: Cat Box/Shutterstock
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You Must Both Be Willing To Put The Work Into Repairing The Relationship
Firstly, both partners need to be prepared to work on repairing the damage that cheating has caused the relationship. This requires a fair bit of motivation. The betraying partner will need to go the extra mile to regain trust and validate their other halfs feelings. This may include calling their partner regularly when away allowing them to check their texts and calls and being understanding when a trigger stirs up feelings of mistrust. The betrayed partner will also need to be willing to understand their other halfs point of view, show empathy, not hold grudges and eventually forgive and let go.
Expert Tips To Cope With Depression After Cheating On Someone
When you are going through depression after cheating on someone or feeling suicidal after infidelity, its not easy to snap out of it or push yourself to act normal. Depression after affair might drain your energy, entangling you in an unending series of negative thoughts and feelings. It may become difficult for you to conduct day-to-day activities and you might feel hopeless and tired all the time.
You may feel that coping with cheating and depression is a nightmare to deal with. Motivating yourself to take the first step is one of the most difficult tasks. But it is that first step that will mark the start of your journey to recovery. Although this journey is not going to be easy or quick, your persistence is the only thing that will keep you going.
Coping with depression is not a linear cruise. You need to constantly analyze your internal as well as external thoughts and situations. You should be aware of your own feelings and find a way to forgive yourself and let go of all the guilt and shame after cheating on someone. Here are 7 expert tips that will come in handy while you are trying to cope with depression after cheating on someone:
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Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Help
If you want to get over being cheated on, don’t be afraid to lean on those around you for support. Being cheated on by your partner can make you feel isolated and alone. However, it would be best if you weren’t afraid to reach out to friends and family after this has happened and surround yourself with people who care about you and your well-being. “Betrayed partners need support for the trauma theyve experienced, and that support should not come from their cheating partner,” explains Weiss. “There is nothing worse than sitting alone after a betrayal with absolutely no one to turn to. need support from empathetic others, people who understand what theyre going through. Without that, it is very difficult for them to process and work through their emotions.”
Plus, it would help if you also didn’t hesitate to meet with a trained professional who can help give you personalized strategies to deal with your new reality. You don’t have to face this alone, and having more people in your corner who have your back is only going to make it easier for you to see the light at the end of the tunnel. “There is no need to wait,” says Weiss. “Find a therapist who can empathetically help you work through both your day-to-day distress and your longer-term relationship questions.”
Why Does Cheating Hurt So Much
Relationship experts view infidelity as a form of trauma. An emotional reaction similar to grief can follow from cheating. This is because the relationship that you once knew is no longer there . Experts have also compared the emotional impact of infidelity with that of a post-traumatic stress reaction to a life-threatening event. Following infidelity, the internal sense of safety that we enjoy in a trusted relationship is under serious threat or event lost. Some people experience intrusive thoughts or nightmares regarding the cheating, overwhelming emotions, including anxiety and anger or the opposite- a sense of being empty.
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How To Deal With Infidelity According To An Expert
Christian Vierig / Getty Images
If you’ve been cheated on, you might be experiencing a whirlwind of emotions. You may feel devastated one moment and angry the next. A broken heart can lead to feelings of shame, doubt, confusion, and anxiety. Understanding and processing your emotions is a healthy way to heal from past hurt. There is not one direct path to follow when recovering from a breakup, some longer than others. Remember that it’s okay to take your time to heal and trust your own process because your feelings are unique to you and your life. Feel the emotions, grow, and move on. It’s a personal journey of your own. In other words, stop judging yourself. Take the time you need to heal while also allowing yourself to grow and learn from the pain.
As sexologist Rob Weiss, PhD, explains, “Damaged relationships dont heal overnight. Moreover, damaged relationships dont heal simply because one party wants them to.” As hard as it may seem, know that you are in charge of your own process and any closure you may need is entirely your own to give.
Meet the Expert
- Robert Weiss PhD, LCSW, is a clinical sexologist and the chief clinical officer of Seeking Integrity, LLC. He is the author of Out of the Doghouse and Prodependence, and host of the Sex, Love, and AddictionWith Dr. Rob podcast.
When trying to figure out how to deal with infidelity, these six steps can help you cope with what transpired and deal with the emotional roller coaster of betrayal.