Taking Care Of Yourself
Finally, be sure to make self-care a priority. If you are not at your best, you will not be able to provide the support you intend to your brother and you can easily get lost in the depression. Take time for yourself and also be sure to spend normal time with your brother or loved one that is not focused solely on his depression.
What To Say If Mom Or Dad Is Depressed
If you think that your parent is depressed or if theyve admitted to struggling with difficult feelings, its important to make them aware that youre there for them during these hard times and youre willing to help.
Let them know that its alright for them to feel the way they feel, and that youre there to talk if they want to. There is no easy answer about what to say to someone who is depressed. But you want to avoid saying things that dismiss their feelings or make them feel judged.
If your parent is experiencing suicidal thoughts, or outwardly expressing feelings of sadness or a desire to end their life, seek professional help right away.
Have you dealt with depression yourself, or know someone who has? Have you helped your mom or dad through a depressive episode? We want to hear more about your own personal experience.
Healing From Anxiety And Depressiontogether
Eventually, Ben got his brother Cody into a residential treatment center. They worked to show him that not everyone on his schools campus hated him, and that believing he heard what other people thought was just a delusion. Cody has made a lot of progress on his path to recovery, though he is not done walking it just yet. After taking a semester off to focus on outpatient therapy, Cody plans to return to college for Fall 2018a decision he can finally feel hopeful about.
Like Cody, there is hope for your sibling, too. With your help, your brother or sister can begin to move forward with their life and step out from under the shadow of psychotic depression and anxiety. By playing an active part in your siblings treatment and supporting them throughout their journey, you can heal individually and as a family, and look forward to a brighter future together.
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Its Ok That You Feel This Way There Is Hope
There is often a sense of shame or embarrassment on the part of the depressed person. Many people with depression sometimes feel that there is something wrong with them, or that they have no real reason to feel depressed. On the other hand, there are those who may feel there are good reasons to be depressed.
Let Mom or Dad know that its OK for them to feel the way that theyre feeling, and that its not their fault. Depression is a legitimate health condition that affects millions of people, and countless individuals have learned to manage mental illness with the help of therapy, medication, and lifestyle changes your mom or dad can, too. Make sure that they know help is available and its nothing to be ashamed about.
Strategies To Help Yourself
Depressive disorders can make one feel exhausted, helpless, and hopeless. Such negative thoughts and feelings make some people feel like giving up. It is important to realize that these negative views are part of the depression and may not accurately reflect the situation. Below are guidelines adapted from the National Institute of Mental Health offering recommendations for dealing with depression. Set realistic goals in light of the depression. You may not be able to accomplish as much as you are accustomed to when you are feeling well.
Direct assistance in providing care for your loved one, such as respite care relief, as well as positive feedback from others, positive self-talk, and recreational activities are linked to lower levels of depression. Look for classes and support groups available through caregiver support organizations to help you learn or practice effective problem-solving and coping strategies needed for caregiving. For your health and the health of those around you, take some time to care for yourself.
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Ask The Right Questions Including Depression Symptoms And Triggers
With depression the terrain is vasteach persons experience is unique. Thats why asking the right questions is crucial. Your friend may have had a suicide plan in mind for weeks, or she could merely be stressed at work. Channel Barbara Walters and begin the interview. Start with safety: Do you have any intentions to hurt yourself? Then get a timeline of symptoms: When did they start? Any identifiable triggers? What makes you feel worse? Better? Be gentle and tactful.
What If I Need More Help
Sometimes talking to a parent is all you need to start feeling better. Sometimes you need more help. That’s OK, too.
If you are having a sad or bad mood that lasts more than a week or two, let your parent know. Ask them to set up a health visit to check for depression. Your doctor can ask you a few questions or have you fill out a questionnaire that has questions about depression.
Sometimes it might be helpful to talk with a therapist, especially if you have had these feelings for a long time. Your parent can set this up for you. The information you share with your therapist will be kept between the two of you, unless your therapist is worried about your safety.
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Are There Other Therapies To Treat Symptoms Of Depression
There are other treatments your doctor may consider. Electroconvulsive therapy, or ECT, is a treatment option for people whose symptoms don’t get better with medicine or who have severe depression and need treatment right away.
Transcranial magnetic stimulation, or TMS, involves using a noninvasive device that is held above the head to induce the magnetic field. It targets a specific part of the brain that can trigger depression.
With vagus nerve stimulation, or VMS, a pacemaker-like device is surgically implanted under the collarbone to deliver regular impulses to the brain.
Remind Them That They’re Incredibly Strong
When youre depressed, you dont believe that youre worthy of love, explains Dr. DePaulo in Understanding Depression: What We Know and What You Can Do About It. Thats what makes relationships and especially communication so difficult. One way of nudging them to recovery is by reminding them of their strengths. Use concrete examples. Cite times in their lives they exemplified courage, stamina, compassion, integrity, and perseverance. Use photos, if you have them, of accomplishments in the past or victories that will bolster their confidence and encourage them down the path of healing.
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Making A Support Plan
If your child is experiencing depression and needs ongoing support, it can be helpful to create a support plan together with the professionals around your child so that you know exactly what help is available and how your child can access it. This could include things like:
- agreements with their GP, or their key worker if they are being treated by CAMHS, about when they will next check-in
- whether any referrals can be made to other services, and a list of the services available locally that might be able to support them
- what your childs school can offer including a staff member who they can speak to when theyre struggling.
- people your child trusts and can talk to when they need to, including family and friends.
You can find out more about speaking to GPs, finding a counsellor or therapist, accessing Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services , getting help from your childs school and finding local services on our guide to getting help.
What Not To Say To Someone Who Is Depressed
Just as there are a few things that might be helpful for a depressed person to hear, there are some things that will feel more like a judgement or a dismissal. Its a wise idea to avoid saying the following statements.
- Everything will be fine, I promise. Its just a hard time. This is dismissing the problem and may only make Mom or Dad feel that youre ignoring their feelings. Plus, promising that things will be fine is just an empty platitude.
- I dont know what you have to be sad about. Just cheer up!People with depression cannot just cheer up. Telling Mom or Dad that you dont understand why theyre depressed isnt helpful, and it only contributes to the feelings of shame and confusion that can surround depression.
- Snap out of it. Again, people suffering from depression dont have the luxury of simply snapping out of it. This kind of language is crude and dismissive.
- There are people far worse off than you. Comparing one persons depression to the suffering of other people is, for one thing, a false equivalency. Its also very unhelpful. Your parent will only feel judged that their suffering isnt worth it.
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They Talk About Death & Suicide Often
Talking about death on occasion is totally normal . And sometimes people do make admittedly weird but harmless jokes about killing themselves and even if they’re in poor taste, those kinds of jokes aren’t necessarily a sign of depression.
But if your sibling has begun talking about death obsessively, they are absolutely not OK. Take your sibling seriously if they’ve been talking to you about death, self-harm, or suicide because it means they’re suffering from depression, and it means they need your help.
If your sibling feels ill at ease with doctors, or is ashamed about the idea of openly acknowledging their depression, you can start off by just talking to them and listening to what they have to say. Then, you can ask them to take this online quiz by the Anxiety and Depression Association of America so they can have a shame-free, private way of screening themselves for depression.
Ultimately, you can’t fix your sibling’s depression only they can take the steps that they need in order to get better. But you can fight for them to get better, and you can encourage them to fight for themselves, too.
Images: Jake Stimpson/Flickr, Giphy
How Should You Ask If Someone Is Depressed What Should You Say
The wrong way to start the conversation is by focusing vaguely on how the person seems emotionally, which can sound accusatory, such as: Youve been so down/stressed/anxious/irritable lately whats going on? Are you okay?
Open-ended questions are better, experts say, such as:How are you doing lately?Are you struggling with anything? Can I help you?You just dont seem like yourself lately. Is everything okay?
Focus on specific behaviors so your friend doesnt feel judged, says Valerie Cordero, co-executive director of Families for Depression Awareness. You want to try as much as possible to not put them on the defensive, and give them an opportunity to respond.
Examples include:You used to love our nights out, but it seems like youre not interested in coming anymore. Is something going on? Do you want to talk about it?
I know you got a raise recently, which probably came with a bunch of new responsibilities, and Ive noticed you seem stressed out. Do you think you might be depressed?
See what your friend is willing to share. If they dont want to talk about it, or if they brush you off, just say, Im here for you, and move on to another topic.
Portrait of a Girl,
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First And Foremost Your Sisters Feelings Even Those You Find Shocking Need To Be Validated
When my mom and I finally went to therapy together, I was encouraged to express what I was feeling, what was at the root of some of my anger. Your sister likely has unresolved feelings about the divorce. The greatest gift my mom gave me? She allowed me to unload those feelings without trying to diminish them or invalidate them. She let me say what I needed to say, and her response was, I am so sorry. It must feel awful to feel that way. Sometimes it is as simple as letting a teenager know that what they are feeling is not crazy or invalid.
Your sister needs more than what she got at the crisis center. She needs ongoing support from a therapist and possibly a psychiatrist. While your mom was well-intentioned with trying to clean up her room and make her feel better, that will not solve the problem. In addition, your mom would benefit from counseling herself. I KNOW how hard it is to parent, and I know how hard it is to parent a kid with depression. She needs support and guidance from a professional, too.
A quick note on her online friendsthey are all she has in terms of peer support. It is doubtful that they are giving her strange ideas. So, let her have the little social life she has. As you said, she doesnt have in-person classes, and she is basically in her room all day.
Recognizing The Signs When A Brother Or Sister Is Suicidal
The sibling relationship is perhaps the most complex one we have to navigate. They are almost certainly the closest people in your life whom you did not choose. You grow up together and will always be part of each others lives in one way or another.
Of course, sometimes that closeness can lead to difficult dynamics. Theres the sibling who is the favorite, and they are resented, and there is the one who no one really understands and who is overlooked. The thing is, in just about every family, every kid assumes they are the overlooked one, and all the other siblings are favored.
Thats part of life, but it is a part that can linger on for decades. Thats why it can sometimes be hard to recognize when a brother or sister is suicidal. Their behaviors and actions are filtered through a lens often clouded with suspicion and resentment, even if it is entirely sublimated. You might think they are indulging a facetious condition .
Its easy to just tell a family member to get over it, but thats ultimately not helpful. The important thing to do if you think a brother or sister might be suicidal is to take a step back and look at their actions not from the lens of your own childhood, but through the reality of their current situation. Here are a few warning signs to which you should pay attention:
Begin Your Recovery Journey.
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Take Care Of Yourself
You won’t be able to support someone else if you are feeling overwhelmed and depleted yourself. Periodically take some time to step back from the situation and recharge your batteries.
While you can’t “catch” depression the way you would a cold or the flu, the shared genetic and environmental influences may make it more likely that people who live together or are members of the same family will become depressed.
Your Sister Lashes Out At Your Mom Because Your Mother Is The Safest Place For Her To Go With All Of These Overwhelming Feelings She Has
Yes, we want her to learn better coping mechanisms. Yes, its exhausting for your mom. Its horrible as a parent to hear I hate you. Over the years, I heard it from my son many times. What your sister hates is her situation. She hates being trapped at home, feeling alone and in pain. And she is likely convinced that none of you can understand this, which may or may not be accurate. She has no control over her situation. That lashing out is an expression of extreme frustration that has nowhere to go but out.
Additionally, when adolescents feel out of control and miserable, they often dont know what to do with those emotions other than transferring them to the people closest to them. As a result, they can unconsciously want the person or people closest to them to feel as bad as they do.
So what should be done?
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When Its Time For Immediate Help
Not everyone with depression thinks about suicide. Many people who do have suicidal thoughts never make a plan or attempt suicide. That said, youll want to take any mention of suicide seriously.
Its time to get professional support right away if you notice any of the following signs in your child:
- writing stories or poems about dying
- exhibiting risk-taking behavior, including substance or alcohol use
- talking about dying or wanting a way out of their pain
- becoming more withdrawn from others
- saying others would be better off without them
- giving away personal possessions
If they tell you theyre thinking about suicide:
- Ask if theyve made a crisis or safety plan in therapy, and follow those steps.
- Connect them with their therapist for guidance on next steps.
- Encourage them to text the Crisis Text Line or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline for 24/7 crisis support.
- Take them to the emergency room for support.
What Is Depression What Are The Signs And Symptoms
Major depression is a mood disorder that causes someone to feel persistently sad for a long time , and of the many symptoms, the most common signs youll recognize in friends are their being less social or less interested in things they usually like to do. A depressed friend might decline your invitations to meet up, cancel plans again and again, or ignore calls or texts. In person, that friend might snap at you, drink excessively, get upset about the smallest things, or seem more anxious, irritable, flat, and just really negative and down.
Friends can sometimes take that personally and feel very impatient and frustrated, like, I dont want to hang out with this person so much anymore, says Dr. Laura Rosen, a clinical psychologist and the author of When Someone You Love Is Depressed. Thats something people need to notice. If you feel different when youre with them, depression might be going on.
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