I Think That My House Is Making Me Depressed
CahrlesBaby over a year ago
Hello. I love to be around people because that is the only thing that can help me fight my depression. My sister, her husband and my two lovely nieces were at my house with me for three months. I knew it that this day needs to come – the day when they will have to leave my house and move out. And this day happened three days ago. Ever since that, I am sad, I don’t feel like I want to do anything and I think that I am depressed because I live alone. No, I am sure that my house is making me depressed. Any possibility?
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hearty rub over a year ago
Hello there. Yes, you are used to be with a lot of people and kids are very noisy, so I guess that you are missing this as well. But before I answer your question, I really should know one thing. Were you depressed before or this started to happen just now, when you begin to live alone in your house?
I need to know this because it is very important for us to know are you dealing with depression for a while now or you are suddenly depressed because they moved out?
I am sure that this kind of depression will soon go away.
CahrlesBaby over a year ago
hearty rub over a year ago
So, you were depressed before and your cure is when you are spending time with your family. Correct me if I am wrong, but I think that this is called mayor depression, or depression when you are making some huge changes in your life.
****** over a year ago
Nina85352392 over a year ago
Guest over a year ago
Guest over a year ago
They Can Be More Irritable
All of the therapists Talkspace spoke to described men with depression as being more irritable on average than their female clients.
They can fly off the handle or have a short fuse, said therapist Roudabeh Rahbar. She also used words including moody and touchy to describe male clients.
Therapist Candice Christiansen said they often had more anger issues and struggled with being too serious about the subject of depression or anxiety.
Men often hide depression because they see it as a sign of weakness, Christiansen said, but the symptoms tend to seep out in the form of irritability and fatigue.
Keep It In Perspective
Loving someone with depression may feel challenging at times. It may be important to remember that this is more than just the blues. Depression is not a personal choice its a medical condition.
Depression is not about not making an effort to feel better. Your partner cannot snap out of it or get over it with enough willpower. This is just like someone with a broken arm cant mend it back together at will. If they could, they would have probably done so already.
If your partner is having a hard time keeping up with chores, for example, they arent being lazy or trying to get away with doing less around the home. Depression can make even the simplest tasks feel exhausting, which means your partner may need to be more selective about what they take on.
It may be helpful to liken depression to working with a bucket. Right now, your partner is carrying a smaller bucket than the one they typically use. Its not a bad bucket for holding less water its just whats available right now. It may work better on smaller jobs, and it needs to be refilled more often.
As you might have guessed, the bucket represents emotional capacity. A similar analogy is the Spoon Theory, popularized by Christine Miserandino. If youve ever heard someone with depression say, I dont have the spoons, this is where that comes from.
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Look After Yourself Too
Caring for someone with depression can be challenging, so dont forget to take care of your own mental and emotional health.
Our over-the-phone counsellors are available to talk if you need some emotional support, too: 1300 364 277.
If you are in an emergency or there is an immediate risk of harm to yourself or others, please call 000.
Ways To Support A Partner With Depression That Are Actually Helpful
Being there for them can be invaluable.
It isn’t easy to figure out when to step in when a partner is depressed. If they’re sleeping all day, pushing you away, or shutting down, you’ll probably feel a bit helpless yourself â even though you really want to make them feel better. To say it’s a tough situation for all involved is an understatement, and yet it’s one that countless couples encounter every day.
Depression impacts about 16.2 million adults in the US, and while there are many different types â and it always manifests differently person to person â symptoms often include loss of energy, lack of interest in activities, hopelessness, guilt, and anger, which in turn means your partner will likely struggle to function on a daily basis.
It can be complicated, stressful, and scary. But you can help, in some small way, by being there for them. “Social support is important to emotional well-being,”, a licensed clinical psychologist, tells Bustle. And this is particularly true for those with depression, she says. Being there for your partner, even if it’s simply as a shoulder to cry on, is invaluable.
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Accept That There Will Be Bad Days
People with depression have good days and bad days. To deal with the bad days:
- expect that they will happen
- understand that this is a normal part of depression
- do not withdraw love or support during these times
- take some time out and do something enjoyable, either alone or with others
- remember that not every day will be like this there will be good days too
Be Understanding If They Continue To Feel Bad
Again, you can’t “fix” your partner’s depression, or hurry them on the road to feeling better. “All you can do is stand beside them while they learn to heal themselves,” Ciardella says.
Give them space, time, and support, for however long they need it. And “remind yourself that it is OK to not have solutions,” she says. As long as you’re there, and listening, you’re doing the right thing.
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You Feel Trapped In The Relationship
“If a partner isn’t having a positive impact on your emotional well-being, your mind will be more likely to show you the exit door,” Parker says. In some abusive relationships, people may like they can’t leave for emotional, physical, or financial reasons. But if youâre fantasizing about leaving your partner, trust that instinct.
Is Your Partner Depressed Or Just Not That Into You
by Patient Advocate
Loved ones often remark that depression has changed the person they love. They don’t know if the apapathy they experience is a symptom of the depression or if their partner has fallen out of love with them. This leads to questions like “If he or she gets treatment for depression, will he or she fall back in love with me?” Other follow up questions might be, “Should I wait for this person?” or “Can this relationship be saved?”
Read Also: How To Give Good Advice To Someone Who Is Depressed
Tip : Exercise For Greater Mental And Physical Health
When youre depressed, just getting out of bed can seem like a daunting task, let alone working out. But exercise is a powerful depression fighterand one of the most important tools in your recovery arsenal. Research shows that regular exercise can be as effective as medication for relieving depression symptoms. It also helps prevent relapse once youre well.
To get the most benefit, aim for at least 30 minutes of exercise per day. This doesnt have to be all at once-and its okay to start small. A 10-minute walk can improve your mood for two hours.
Dont Withdraw From The Relationship
I know when Iâm depressed, my instinct is to shut down. Thatâs a mistake, marriage and family therapist Vonda Schaefer told me. âDonât give into that call to isolate and withdraw from your spouse,â she said. âNot only will your depression worsen, but your marriage will be weakened.â Even if you arenât feeling up for deep conversation, Schaefer said to find small ways to stay engaged. She suggested planning healthy meals togetherâa win-win scenario because nutritious foods can help shorten the duration of a depressed period and âsharing the load of lifeâ reminds us that we arenât alone.
Recommended Reading: How Do I Support Someone With Depression
Tip : Seek Social Support
Work commitments can often make it difficult for men to find time to maintain friendships, but the first step to tackling male depression is to find people you can really connect with, face-to-face. That doesnt mean simply trading jokes with a coworker or chatting about sports with the guy sitting next to you in a bar. It means finding someone you feel comfortable sharing your feelings with, someone wholl listen to you without judging you, or telling you how you should think or feel.
You may think that discussing your feelings isnt very macho, but whether youre aware of it or not, youre already communicating your feelings to those around you youre just not using words. If youre short-tempered, drinking more than usual, or punching holes in the wall, those closest to you will know somethings wrong. Choosing to talk about what youre going through, instead, can actually help you feel better.
You Are Dependent On Your Partner
Researchers at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign looked at the impact that depression has on relationships. Although the researchers looked at people who had already been diagnosed with depression and were open about it with their partners, their findings revealed 8 negative factors that can be used as signs of depression.
8 negative effects of depression on a relationship:
* romance and sexual intimacy problems
* communication problems
* uncertainty
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Consider The Practical Implications
Trying to sustain a relationship with a depressed person can make the healthy partner feel helpless and more than a little hopeless at times. If you feel you simply cant go on, it may be time to sever ties. But walking away may be easier than it sounds, especially if youre in a marriage. Where will you go? What will you live on? What will your spouse live on? Are children involved?
Sometime depressed people may use drugs or alcohol. If this is the case, walking away may be your only choice. Your childrens emotional well-being and physical safety must be your first priority. It may be necessary to take a hard look at these and other practical considerations before you say goodbye and walk away.
Enlist The Help Of Outside Support If You Believe Your Relationship Is Unhealthy
Since I was in an unhealthy relationship for so long, sometimes I need help from others to discern whether someones behaviors are healthy or not and thats okay. Objective people, like a therapist or counselor, are important for me because as much as I adore my friends, it was easy to dismiss their advice when I was still in the denial stage of my unhealthy relationship. With friends, if you genuinely want to be in a relationship even though you know its not a good thing, it may be really easy for you to discount their opinions by thinking, well they dont understand, and they never liked him anyway, says Dr. Hamlet. But, reaching out to a mental health professional can make it harder to contest. Its harder to go to well, my therapist is just crazy, she says.
Id like to think that if I had known the signs of an unhealthy relationship, I would have run away from my partner the second they showed one of them, but it isnt that simple. Even if you may need to bring in the support of a therapist or trusted friend, know that you have what it takes to know whether your partner or mental health condition is behind the uneasiness in your relationship. Trust your gut, ask for help when you need it.
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Unhealthy Partners May Gaslight You
I dated my unhealthy partner while working on my second masters degree in counseling, so its ironic to me now that I didnt even realize it when gaslighting had become a daily part of my relationship.
Id approach my partner to talk about something that had upset me, like the time they said something disrespectful in front of my friends at dinner, and walk away feeling selfish for bringing it up in the first place. Maybe what they said wasnt so badmaybe I was being overly sensitive, Id think to myself. I was never sure, and my partner liked it that way.
Gaslighting is an emotional abuse tactic that unhealthy partners can use to make you second-guess yourself. If its happening to you, you might think, maybe Im just overreacting every time something your partner does makes you uncomfortable. Or you might find yourself apologizing for things that arent actually your fault.
RELATED: What I Wish I Had Known About Gaslighting Before It Happened To Me
Knowing There Is Someone There For Me Is What Keeps Me Going
Speaking as the girlfriend with depression: Be there for her. Understand that she cant control how shes feeling, especially if its a bad day. Speaking personally, knowing there is someone there for me is what keeps me going.
Its important to know that you cant fix it yourself. Never tell someone with depression to just be happier. But you can do little things, like cuddling, making tea, making sure shes eating well, watching happy movies, asking how shes feeling, going on short walks .
Make sure you separate your emotional state from hers. Im sure you love and care for your girlfriend, but her emotions arent your own. Remember that you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else.fancyabiscuit
Read Also: What Is Deep Brain Stimulation For Depression
Dont Take It Personally
There is the person you fell in love with, who makes you laugh until it hurts and then there are the bad days, when you are dealing with a stranger who wont let you in. Depression can magnify or alter emotions, says Dr Kousoulis. A person can have emotional highs and lows in equal degrees, so it is important not to take changes personally.
This can be easier said than done. I found my own coping mechanisms therapy, exercise and lowering my expectations of what I needed and wanted from Rob when he was feeling bad. I knew that somewhere inside this person was my husband, so from time to time, Id leave him postcards telling him how much I loved him. He didnt react in an effusive way but I know it got through because he kept every one in a memory box.
Above all, hold on to your love. You wont always feel as though you are making any progress, says Hardy. You, too, may feel helpless at times. But your patience, kindness and understanding make such a difference.
Chase The Rainbow, Poorna Bells memoir about life with her husband, is published by Simon & Schuster.
The Samaritans helpline is 116 123.
In the UK, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
Take Charge Of Admin And Finance
People with depression find even mundane tasks, such as opening the post or going to the shops, impossible. Often, they keep their finances hidden, says Dr Cain. It can feel quite shameful for them to say: Im finding it difficult to stay on top of it. This can be stressful for their partners. As Dr Antonis Kousoulis, a clinician and an assistant director at the Mental Health Foundation, says: Being the main source of support for a partner with depression can add a lot of pressure. But it is still better than not knowing whats happening with your partners finances or admin. So, to maintain your own mental health and avoid unnecessary stress, it may be easier to have an agreement with your partner that, when they are ill, you will be in the admin driving seat. And when they feel able, they will sort it out.
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Signs Of Depression In Men
The tricky part of recognizing depression in men is that often doesnt look like depression at all. Depressed boyfriends often mask their depression with workaholism or substance abuse. Sometimes they withdraw from their girlfriends, wives, and other loved ones or they lash out in aggressive ways.
If your boyfriend is dealing with depression, he wont walk around crying or saying how glum, sad, and depressed he feels. Rather, he may show signs of extreme fatigue, listlessness, social isolation, weight gain or loss, changes in sleeping patterns, or feelings of being overwhelmed. He may abuse drugs or alcohol, or take his feelings out on you. Dealing with a depressed boyfriend is especially challenging when it affects his personality or behavior towards you.
How do you help your boyfriend deal with depression? It depends how self-aware and open he is. If hes willing to talk to you about his feelings, encourage him to see a counselor, psychologist or psychiatrist. You can help and support your boyfriend through depression by helping him get the help he needs. Sometimes antidepressant medication helps other times talk therapy is most effective.
Finding the right treatment depends on your boyfriends depression, personality, lifestyle, and other health issues. All you can do is learn how to deal with a depressed boyfriend you cant actually make him happy with his life or fix his problems.