What You Can Say That Helps:
- Youre not alone. Im here for you during this tough time.
- It may be hard to believe right now, but the way youre feeling will change.
- Please tell me what I can do now to help you.
- Even if Im not able to understand exactly how you feel, I care about you and want to help.
- Youre important to me. Your life is important to me.
- When you want to give up, tell yourself you will hold on for just one more day, hour, or minutewhatever you can manage.
Why Is This Happening To Me
Your child might want to know the reasons why theyre experiencing depression when theyre friends are not.
Its a good idea to be honest with them and explain that you dont know the answer to that. Consider telling them that scientists are still trying to figure out why some people get depression and not others.
If theres one thing to stress during this conversation, its that having depression is not their fault. Try to remind them that they didnt do anything to cause depression but there are things they can try to get better.
Remind Them That They Matter
A common feeling among those who are depressed is that their lives don’t matter and no one would even care if they were gone. If you can sincerely tell your friend about all the ways that they matter to you and others, this can help them realize that they have value and worth.
Letting them know that they are an important person in your life can mean a lot when someone is struggling with feelings of depression and worthlessness.
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How Can Friends And Family Help
This information is for friends and family who want to support someone with depression.
The support of friends and family can play a very important role in someone recovering from depression. Here are some suggestions for how you can help.
- Support them to get help. You can’t force anyone to get help if they don’t want it, so it’s important to reassure your loved one that it’s OK to ask for help, and that there is help out there. See our pages on for more information.
- Be open about depression. Lots of people can find it hard to open up and speak about how they’re feeling. Try to be open about depression and difficult emotions, so your friend or family member knows that it’s OK to talk about what they’re experiencing.
“The best things that friends and family can do is simply listen. They often don’t need to say anything, just being willing to listen to your problems makes you feel less alone and isolated”
- Keep in touch. It might be hard for your loved one to have the energy to keep up contact, so try to keep in touch. Even just a text message or email to let them know that you’re thinking of them can make a big difference to how someone feels.
“Talking… not even talking about how I felt. Just talking about stupid things that didn’t matter over coffee, without pressure and knowing that I can talk about the tough stuff if I want to.”
“Just a simple call or text asking me how I am helps. I don’t want sympathy, just to know they are there if I need them.”
Where To Get Help For Someone Who Is Suicidal
Try not to panic if you see one or more of these signs in your loved one. The most important thing is to reach out for help. Contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on 800-273-8255 24/7 for free, confidential advice.
For those outside of the United States, there is a list of suicide prevention hotlines here.
If youre concerned that there is an immediate risk, dont leave the person alone, try to remove dangerous objects such as medication, knives, or guns, and call 911.
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What To Say To Someone Who Is Depressed
Finding the Words to Help
Steven Gans, MD is board-certified in psychiatry and is an active supervisor, teacher, and mentor at Massachusetts General Hospital.
Knowing what to say to someone who is depressed isn’t always easy. Try not to be dissuaded by worry over saying the “wrong” thing. Too many people with clinical depression feel alonea state that only worsens their condition. If you don’t know what to say, just say thatand tell your friend that you are there for them.
This article discusses what you can do when you want to say more, but have a hard time expressing what you feel. It also covers statements that someone who is depressed might find helpful to hear.
Who Can I Talk To About Depression
Figuring out how to tell someone you’re depressed can be daunting, however, once you open up, you may start to feel a little better. It helps to talk to someone about what youre going through, but dont feel as though you have to tell everyone, at least not straightaway.
Try to reach out to someone who is a good listener, discreet, trustworthy, reliable, non-judgemental and supportive, so they can offer a different perspective. If possible, it can also be very helpful to speak to somebody who has gone through something similar, as its likely that they will be able to empathise with you and provide tips on how to cope with depression.
With regards to working life, inform those that need to know so they can support you effectively in the work environment. HR, occupational health and immediate line managers are top of the list on this. Some people have reservations about speaking up at work as they fear that they may be judged, their competence may be questioned or that they may be gossiped about. In the modern world, this is rarely the case – youre far more likely to be met with support and understanding.
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Ask For What You Need
Before you enter a conversation with someone about the way depression feels, think about what you want the conversation to accomplish. Is there something concrete you want others to do or not do? Do you need a particular kind of support? Identifying your goals in advance can help you create reasonable expectations.
Rosmarin suggests trying the DEAR MAN strategies developed in dialectical behavior therapy. Each letter of the phrase DEAR MAN represents a communication technique:
- Describe. Describe the situation factually, without emotion or judgment.
- Express. Use self-focused I feel statements to express your feelings about the situation.
- Assert. Ask for what you want or need in a simple, straightforward way.
- Reinforce. Reinforce the importance of the relationship, reminding the other person how valuable they are to you.
- Be mindful. Try to stay in the present moment, without bringing up the past or worrying about the future.
- Appear confident. Use your posture, tone of voice, and facial expressions to communicate self-respect .
- Negotiate. If what you need isnt possible, work with the other person to find an alternative that might work.
Youre Important To Me
Its always nice to know youre loved or wanted. When someones depressed, they may feel the exact opposite.
Thats why telling someone that theyre important to you, that you need them in their life, and that they matter can be so comforting. You can also be more specific about what you love about them or how you appreciate them for something they do.
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How You Can Help
It might seem small, but just doing things together, being there and staying connected can be a big help.
Depression and anxiety are so common that its highly likely that at some point youll know someone who might be experiencing it. It might be someone in your whnau, a team-mate or someone from your community. People with depression and anxiety are more likely to get through with help and support than on their own.Being depressed and anxious can be a really lonely experience. Sometimes the most important thing is having supportive people around or checking in. Having a coffee, watching television, phoning or texting to say Hi can help a lot. When youre feeling down, knowing that people are thinking of you can really lift your spirits.Often when people are feeling bad they dont want to go out and do anything. Everything feels just too hard. So encouraging them to do something with you is a great support. It could be something small like watching funny video clips, listening to music, going for a walk or window-shopping. Think about something you both like to do. There are different things you can do, depending on who youre trying to help:
Consider Age And Maturity If Youre Explaining To Children
It may not be necessary to explain depression to young children, Rosmarin says. They may not be aware of changes in your mood or behavior. Older children and teens, on the other hand, may have questions.
How much explaining is appropriate will probably depend on how mature your child is. If you are co-parenting, your partner may be the best person to explain that youre having a hard time. If you are the sole parent, its okay to say, I want to be there for you more than I am able to right now. Its not because of you.
The important message to convey is that your struggles are not your childs fault.
Its important to keep your expectations in check, Rosmarin says. Not everyone has to understand depression. Think about what its going to be like if they dont.
He suggests these strategies for coping when mutual understanding doesnt happen right away:
- Know who your allies are.
- Create new allies if you need more support.
- Reach out to someone who has been through it before.
If understanding and support are in short supply from those closest to you, consider exploring resources in your faith community or in a support group.
Read Also: Am I Dramatic Or Depressed
Depression Makes You Feel Even More Alone
Depression is tricky.
It makes you believe things that are not true, and in the process, it keeps you more isolated from your loved ones and the people who can help you.
Depression makes you believe all kinds of lies. And many times, you dont even realize that its tricking you.
Has depression ever made you say these things to yourself?
- Im surprised there are people out there who love me at all. Really, I bring everyone down.
- Everyone is so busy these days, why would they make time for me?
- Look at them they are so happy. Dont be a downer by sharing how you are feeling.
- You are already a burden. Opening up to them will only weigh them down even more.
- Nobody notices you anyway. If they did, they would have come up to you and asked whats wrong.
- They are going to think you are insane if you tell them how you feel.
- They are not going to believe you. You dont cry enough. You look like you have a great life.
- They are going to think you just want attention.
- You are going to come across as ungrateful.
- They will probably say something stupid like cheer up or snap out of it. Why even bother?
One of the best things you can do to fight depression is to find someone to talk to about it. Yet, your mind will put you in a place where you begin to pull away from people.
Dont listen to these negative thoughts. Reach out and find someone to talk to.
Related: Depression Test: Do You Have The Symptoms of Depression?
Tip : Get A Daily Dose Of Sunlight
Sunlight can help boost serotonin levels and improve your mood. Whenever possible, get outside during daylight hours and expose yourself to the sun for at least 15 minutes a day. Remove sunglasses and use sunscreen as needed.
- Take a walk on your lunch break, have your coffee outside, enjoy an al fresco meal, or spend time gardening.
- Double up on the benefits of sunlight by exercising outside. Try hiking, walking in a local park, or playing golf or tennis with a friend.
- Increase the amount of natural light in your home and workplace by opening blinds and drapes and sitting near windows.
- If you live somewhere with little winter sunshine, try using a light therapy box.
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National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800
The National Suicide Prevention Hotline offers free and confidential support to those in immediate emotional distress. The hotline provides suicide prevention resources as well as access to local crisis centers.
You dont have to be actively thinking about suicide to use this service anyone in emotional distress can call and use their services.
Lifeline Chat is an online chat that provides a direct connection to counselors for support.
For hearing impaired services, call 800-273-8255 or use the chat services.
Ask If They’re Thinking Of Suicide
Dont be afraid to ask. Most often than not, a person will not voluntary disclose that they are having thoughts of suicide. Ask if they’ve considered suicide, and assess if there is a plan. A plan in place indicates a higher likelihood of attempt.
But don’t promise confidentiality. Let family members or close friends know what’s going on.
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Support Them In Continuing Therapy
On a bad day, your friend might not feel like leaving the house. Depression can zap energy and increase the desire to self-isolate.
If they say something like, I think Im going to cancel my therapy appointment, encourage them to stick with it.
You might say, Last week you said your session was really productive and you felt a lot better afterward. What if todays session helps, too?
The same goes for medication. If your friend wants to stop taking medication because of unpleasant side effects, be supportive, but encourage them to talk with their psychiatrist about switching to a different antidepressant or stopping their medication entirely.
Abruptly stopping antidepressants without the supervision of a healthcare professional may have serious consequences. Typically, reaching out to a healthcare professional before stopping medication use can prevent health complications.
Ask Them If They Want To Talk
Sometimes the most important thing you can do for a depressed friend is to just listen sympathetically while they talk about what is bothering them, allowing them to relieve the pressure of pent-up feelings.
Make sure to listen without interrupting. We all wish to fix things for those we care about and often offer quick fixes to cope with our own feelings of helplessness. Sometimes people who are depressed just need to talk without having the conversation taken over with well-meaning advice.
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Counselling Or Talk Therapy
The primary treatment for depression or anxiety is psychological counseling, also called talk therapy or psychotherapy. Several types of talk therapy have been shown to be safe and effective for the treatment of depression.
- Cognitive behaviour therapy can help us see how our thoughts and actions are connected to our feelings. CBT teaches us how to replace negative, depressive thoughts and behaviours with more positive, constructive thoughts and actions.
- Interpersonal psychotherapy focuses on improving relationships by helping us to resolve conflicts that are contributing to the depression.
- Solution-focused therapy focuses on personal strengths and helps us to create a positive future for ourself by finding solutions to our stresses and problems.
What If I Am Not Happy With My Treatment
If you are not happy with your treatment you can:
- talk to your doctor to see if they can suggest changes,
- get an advocate to help you speak your doctor,
- ask for a second opinion if you feel it would help,
- contact Patient Advice and Liaison Service and see whether they can help, or
- make a complaint.
There is more information about these options below.
Advocacy
An advocate is independent from the NHS. They are free to use. They can be useful if you find it difficult to get your views heard.
There are different types of advocates available. Community advocates can support you to get a health professional to listen to your concerns. And help you to get the treatment that you would like. They arent available in all areas.
You can ask an advocate to help you make a complaint. Advocates that do this are called NHS complaints advocates. They are free to use and don t work for the NHS. They re available in all areas.
You can search online to search for a local advocacy service. If you cant find a service you can call our advice service 0808 801 0525 . You can email us too at . We will look for you.
Second opinion
Talk to your doctor about your treatment to see if you can resolve the problem with them first. If you dont agree with their decisions about diagnosis or treatment, you could ask for a second opinion. You are not legally entitled to a second opinion, but your doctor might agree to it if it would help with treatment options.
‘PALS’
Complaints
- Advocacy by clicking here.
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Work With Them To Seek Help
Helping someone with depression isnt about trying to fix everything yourself. Its just as important that they seek help from professionals.
There are many different types of help available, and it can be helpful for them to talk to their doctor about what is likely to be most effective.
Its important not to push one type of treatment if they arent completely comfortable with it. For example, you might have had a great response to antidepressants, but they might feel wary of taking medication. Alternatively, they might not feel able to open up to someone in therapy and prefer to try medication first.
Although depression can make it difficult to make decisions, its essential that your loved one feels in control of their treatment. Consider offering to come with them to a medical appointment , or asking if theyd like you to call and make the appointment.
Ultimately, show your loved one that you take what theyre telling you seriously, youll respect their wishes, and that you want to help them find help that they can accept.