Create Meaningful Connection Daily
I lay in bed. As I looked back at the great meal that we had as a family hours ago, it struck me.
This wouldnt last forever.
One day, my sister would move out, I would move out, and then these spontaneous connections, wouldnt happen as often.
I admit. I dont spend much time with my family. Growing up, it was much easier to spend time with friends, than with family. After all, I saw them everyday. It wasnt so special to meet them.
But then COVID happened. And there was suddenly this chance to connect with them daily. As I connected with them, I found life and laughter again.
Getting your life back on track after depression is seeing that life is not about you. Its easy to get caught up in how you feel. But look past that.
Connect with people around you.
You might wonder how do I do that amidst COVID, with all the restrictions?
Be intentional.
Some things that have been helpful for me are:
- Arrange calls with friends.
- Writing letters to them.
- Personally, this has helped me a lot because it gives an outlet for my emotions, and helps me to feel connected in difficult times. I also do not need to arrange anything. I just need to take out paper, and write!
- Explore a new place with a friend.
Spend Time On Your Relationships
Human beings are social beings. Getting your relationships in order is a crucial part of getting your act together.
According to a 75-year Harvard study, your closest relationships could be the most crucial factor in a successful and happy life.
Like anything, it takes time to get them right. Make sure youre investing enough time in your family and friends and youll undoubtedly thank yourself later on.
Focus On Mastering The Basics
With a lot of things, getting the basics right is 90% of the work. Only then should you worry about the finer details that get you that extra 10%.
If you are hoping to lose some weight, dont worry about the precise balance of carbohydrates, fats, and sugars in a meal, just focus on getting your portion sizes under control.
If you want to become a better partner to your loved one, forget the fancy presents and over-the-top expressions of affection and make sure you are acting out of respect at all times.
Most things in life have foundations that are important to get right. As with any structure, these provide the solid and stable base onto which you can build a positive future.
You wouldnt try to bake a fancy patisserie item without first mastering a basic loaf of bread. The same goes for other areas of life too.
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Do Talk But Stop Complaining Excessively
Heres the thing that people arent going to tell you listening to someone incessantly complain about their life or position is draining, mostly a waste of time, and actually harms you in the long run.
People generally strive for a middle ground they politely nod and say, Thats too bad. as their friend complains about their situation for the twentieth time.
and nothing of value gets accomplished.
Does that mean you shouldnt talk about your problems at all?
But do be clear about why you are talking in the first place.
Are you just talking to talk?
Are you trying to process the emotions associated with the problem youre having?
Are you looking for solutions?
There are lots of messages in the self-improvement and mental health space telling you to talk about what you feel.
Yet this is not always good advice.
In psychology, rumination is when a person keeps going over the negative things in their life, over and over and over again, which causes them to spiral deeper into their problems.
Ruminating on your problems can worsen depression, anxiety, and cause additional stress.
And thats really all that complaining without a constructive purpose is.
Make sure youre there for them in turn, or youll find that they disappear.
And that is an unfortunate, unpleasant lesson to learn the hard way.
Focus On Doing The Work
We all have goals and ambitions, but without action, they wont be achieved.
So if you want to take responsibility for your life and get your life back on track, then start taking action today.
Even its small steps, as long as you keep on improving with your actions youll eventually get to where you want to go.
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How To Make Your Wife Love You Again If Shes Met Someone Else
Seeing the one we love date someone else can be excruciating, especially if that person was once your wife! But again this isnt something that should overwhelm you if youre confident in what you bring to the table and if know in your heart that this woman is the one that you want to be with long term.
Rebound type relationships happen all the time, especially for people coming out of long term committed relationships. Those people, including your ex wife, have to go through an adjustment period and are often time not truly ready to commit.
I always say that its very complicated to jump from one moving train to the next, and if you know what youre doing you can ensure that you take advantage of this dynamic.
Day : Confront The Top
Many times, its the high-priority tasks that cause stress, and then you start perceiving life to be complicated. Instead of wasting time, get to the most important task first thing in the morning. If maintaining health is your highest priority, rush to your routine physical activity as soon as you wake up.
If learning a new language is what occupies your head, spending your first half an hour practicing the language would greatly help you grasp the lingo, as your mind is not pre-occupied with other things.
In the context of work, start your day with top-priority projects. Laura Vandercam, an author and expert in the subject of time management and productivity suggests that you should select one top-priority task and schedule to work on it every day when you arrive at the office.
This allows you to invest your best in those projects as you are full of energy during the first hour. In contrast, if you dont schedule anything for the first hour in office, youd find yourself lost in your inbox and addressing issues that arent that central or urgent.
Taking this strategy to the next level, Vandercam proposes to apply this to Monday mornings when you come blank and are flooded with emails. Of course, you dont want to miss what the boss has to say but dont waste the entire first 60 minutes doing absolutely nothing or wasting your energy on unimportant tasks.
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Negative Unrealistic Ways Of Thinking That Fuel Male Depression
All-or-nothing thinking. Looking at things in black-or-white categories, with no middle ground
Overgeneralization. Generalizing from a single negative experience, expecting it to hold true forever
The mental filter. Ignoring positive events and focusing on the negative. Noticing the one thing that went wrong, rather than all the things that went right.
Diminishing the positive. Coming up with reasons why positive events dont count
Jumping to conclusions. Making negative interpretations without actual evidence. You act like a mind reader or a fortune teller
Emotional reasoning. Believing that the way you feel reflects reality
Shoulds and should-nots.Holding yourself to a strict list of what you should and shouldnt do, and beating yourself up if you dont live up to your rules.
Labeling. Classifying yourself based on mistakes and perceived shortcomings
How Is Languishing Related To The Coronavirus Pandemic
Languishing has become increasingly common since the COVID-19 pandemic struck. But whats the connection? Is more time at home to blame for everyone feeling so blah?
The brain is only wired to function optimally under short bursts of stress, such as a deadline at work. When a bit of daily anxiety becomes chronic stress, the body begins to break down. You become emotionally exhausted.
Chronic stress can be especially harmful to your wellness when theres no end in sight for your stressors. Over the last year, the coronavirus pandemic has caused many to be worn down by uncertainty, fear of illness, and grief.
Isolation and distance from loved ones also made it worse for many. All these stressors can easily add up into a state of languishing.
After seeing millions get sick, die, lose jobs, homes, and plans for the future, people can become desensitized to the experience of trauma. Or at least, people think they have become desensitized. In reality, they could be suffering from a pandemic post-traumatic stress disorder.
With worldwide restrictions beginning to lift and a COVID-19 vaccine available, a return to normalcy feels near. This means that many of us suddenly have space to process the weight of everything we couldnt acknowledge in the middle of the stress.
You may feel gratitude, joy, and enthusiasm about the nearing end of the pandemic. However, you may also have what seems to be an out-of-sync feeling of languishing.
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Youre Not Alone So Seek Help And Support
You are not alone, each person interviewed says.
The reality, says Harman, is that depression is an indiscriminate mother. It affects all different kinds of people: the pretty ones and the not-so-pretty ones, the quick and the slow, the rich and the poor.
Yet everyone interviewed says they battled loneliness, and emphasize the importance of support networks.
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Feeling completely alone was a huge problem for me, Hutton says. I started to believe I was worthless. Going back to school helped ease her symptoms because she could focus on something new. It didnt completely go away, and Ive had many setbacks since, but a new direction in life pulls me back from the worst of it.
Seeking help sooner might have helped Everyday Health columnist Therese Borchard avoid a breakdown that lasted two years after her second child was born, she says. Lukasik says he was profoundly lonely and would have benefited from a support group sooner.
Not having a local community should not keep you from finding a support network in the age of social media, suggests Claude, who established a depression support website. He found a wonderful community of mental health advocates on Twitter who offered substantial support. Borchard also started the Beyond Blue Foundation, a nonprofit organization that provides hope and support to people with treatment-resistant depression and other chronic mood disorders.
Depression And Your Relationships
Depression can have a huge effect on your relationships. When you withdraw from life, you may avoid or push away the people you love. You might also be irritable or get angry more easily.
Your friends and family could feel hurt that you don’t seem to be able to enjoy their company. They may miss the fun things you did together when you were feeling better, or resent that you don’t feel up to doing your usual tasks around the house or at work. Your partner, parents, or children may even blame themselves for your unhappiness.
In turn, the problems that depression cause in your relationships can make your symptoms worse.
But support from family, friends, and other folks around you can be a big help while you’re recovering from an episode of depression. Here are some steps to maintain those relationships.
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Tip : Seek Social Support
Work commitments can often make it difficult for men to find time to maintain friendships, but the first step to tackling male depression is to find people you can really connect with, face-to-face. That doesnt mean simply trading jokes with a coworker or chatting about sports with the guy sitting next to you in a bar. It means finding someone you feel comfortable sharing your feelings with, someone wholl listen to you without judging you, or telling you how you should think or feel.
You may think that discussing your feelings isnt very macho, but whether youre aware of it or not, youre already communicating your feelings to those around you youre just not using words. If youre short-tempered, drinking more than usual, or punching holes in the wall, those closest to you will know somethings wrong. Choosing to talk about what youre going through, instead, can actually help you feel better.
Finding Meaning Can Help Stop Languishing
- Choose work wisely. If possible, try to choose work that allows you to be in flow at least some of the time. Work that is draining or misaligned with your values will exhibit an increasingly powerful effect on your health over time.
- Give yourself grace. Practicing self-compassion and reframing setbacks will help you avoid spiraling when things go awry. See your challenges as a chapter in your life, and learn what you can from them.
- Plan for the future. If you feel like theres nothing to look forward to, youre likely languishing. Plan a trip, a class, a date night, or a virtual happy hour whatever it takes to get you looking ahead again.
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How To Move On: 10 Steps For Closure After You Break Up
As the famous song lyrics suggest, breaking up is hard to do. But learning how to move on after you call it quits is just as difficult. Read on to find out to recover from a break-up.Its not impossible to move on after a relationship goes sour. But it is kind of hard. Two of the biggest stumbling blocks for women after a painful break-up are:
- not really wanting to move on.
- not knowing how to move on.
Your emotions are real and valid, so talking about your break-up with a trusted friend can be quite helpful at first, as long as this friend isnt also friends with your ex. Once youve let it all out, try to stop talking about him, Dr. Orloff recommends. If you dont, your friends may start avoiding your company. Talk about something else or better yet, let your friends talk instead. They might not say so, but theyll welcome the reprieve. 4. Skip the blame gameWhile its tempting to play the blame game after a break-up, it wont help you get over him. Whether you blame him or yourself, going over and over hurtful scenarios only keeps you focused on negative emotions. So close the book on that chapter of your life and focus on figuring out how to move on. Resist the urge to blame yourself, him, or anyone else for what went wrong in the relationship. It didnt work out and probably wasnt meant to be. Accept that fact and move on to something better.
Making Lifestyle Changes After A Nervous Breakdown
Knowing how to recover from a nervous breakdown is not something that will come naturally, and this is why treatment is so important. Therapists and other mental health professionals can teach you the strategies you need to recover and to take steps to prevent having a mental health crisis again in the future. One of the most important things you will learn is how to change your lifestyle to reduce stress and minimize the chances of having another nervous breakdown, including:
- Changing what causes you stress, such as your job or a bad relationship
- Cutting back on responsibilities that may have become overwhelming
- Asking people close to you for help with responsibilities you cannot totally eliminate, like child care
- Spending more time doing things you enjoy and relaxing
- Quitting smoking and reducing or quitting drinking or other substance use
- Eating a healthy diet and getting plenty of exercise
- Getting enough sleep every night
- Practicing relaxation techniques regularly and implementing coping strategies as needed
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A Strange Question About Recovery From Depression: Why Get Well
John Folk-Williams has lived with major depressive disorder since boyhood and finally achieved full recovery just a few years ago. As a survivor of…Read More
Several years ago, as I was working hard to get the better of depression, I asked myself a basic question: Why get well? After all, if Im trying so hard to get rid of a condition Ive had for most of my life, I ought to be able to see what Im aiming for.
Living without depression seemed the obvious goal. The idea of fighting depression made me think of the military kind of battle. What happens after a long and costly war among countries? Theres a lot of reconstruction, but the world that is rebuilt wont be the same as the one that had been destroyed.
What did I expect my life would be like? How could I rebuild myself after so many years of depression? I heard and read what others thought of a future without this illness. One person wrote to me and mentioned happiness as what he was looking for, and Im sure thats what most people would say.
Saying I want to be happy seemed like a self-evident truth. I could imagine a life free of depression and all the harm it causes.
But happiness goes beyond simply not being depressed. There are plenty of unhappy people who dont suffer from this mood disorder. If happiness was the goal, it had to mean a lot more than just getting over the illness.