Dealing With A Friend With Depression

Encourage Them To Seek Out A Support Group

It doesnt matter what the illness is cardiovascular disease, colon cancer, fibromyalgia a person needs support in her or his life to fully recover: people with whom they can vent and swap horror stories, folks who can remind them that they are not alone even though their symptoms make them feel that way.

Research shows that support groups aid the recovery of a person struggling with depression and decrease chances of relapse. The New England Journal of Medicine published a study in which 158 women with metastatic breast cancer were assigned to supportive-expressive therapy. These women showed greater improvement in psychological symptoms and reported less pain than the women with breast cancer who were assigned to the control group with no supportive therapy. Brainstorm with your friend on ways to get more support. Research and share with your friend various groups that might be of benefit.

Recognizing Depression Symptoms In A Loved One

Family and friends are often the first line of defense in the fight against depression. Thats why its important to understand the signs and symptoms of depression. You may notice the problem in a depressed loved one before they do, and your influence and concern can motivate them to seek help.

Be concerned if your loved one:

Doesnt seem to care about anything anymore. Has lost interest in work, sex, hobbies, and other pleasurable activities. Has withdrawn from friends, family, and other social activities.

Expresses a bleak or negative outlook on life. Is uncharacteristically sad, irritable, short-tempered, critical, or moody talks about feeling helpless or hopeless.

Frequently complains of aches and pains such as headaches, stomach problems, and back pain. Or complains of feeling tired and drained all the time.

Sleeps less than usual or oversleeps. Has become indecisive, forgetful, disorganized, and out of it.

Eats more or less than usual, and has recently gained or lost weight.

Drinks more or abuses drugs, including prescription sleeping pills and painkillers, as a way to self-medicate how theyre feeling.

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Ways To Help A Friend With Depression Or Anxiety

If you want to be there for someone whos dealing with depression or anxiety, youre already being a great friend. It can be hard to know exactly how to help someone with depression or anxiety, and what to say to someone who’s having a rough time. Remember that each person is different, and while these tips are a guide, when helping a friend with depression or anxiety, its important to talk with your friend about what they feel they need.

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Offer Your Help With Daily Problems

Some people have problems when it comes to dealing with everyday life issues while theyre depressed. Even something healthy, like doing the laundry or going grocery shopping, can feel like a daunting task when youre in the middle of a severe bout of depression. People need to have support when theyre struggling like this, and you can be there for your friend during this time. It might be prudent to offer your help so that your friend can at least feel secure knowing that things are getting dealt with.

Remember that not every depressed person is going to need or want help from others. Dont try to push the issue if your friend declines your offer to provide assistance. Your heart might be in the right place, but some people just dont like feeling like they need others to do certain things. Other depressed individuals might welcome the assistance. Just be there for your friend and let them know that you can help out if they feel like they need it. A small action such as going grocery shopping might not seem like much to you, but it could mean the world to your friend.

Understand You Arent A Therapist

Its important to encourage a depressed friend to seek qualified help. You cant cure your friend by talking things out or giving great advice major depression needs to be addressed by someone with professional training, who can prescribe antidepressants if appropriate. Dont think that you can manage their symptoms on your own, says Dr. Bates. Just be there in a supportive, nonjudgmental way.

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Help Them Find Resources

Navigating the plethora of health care degreesG.P.s, N.D.s, LPCs, LCSWs, and LMHCscan be overwhelming for those of us who don’t identify as depressed. Imagine how it feels for someone who’s functioning at 20% with little motivation or concentration!

Connecting with mental health professionals can be an ominous task. Help make things possibly less daunting for your loved one by identifying resources in their area. A good place to start? Their G.P. or N.D. Other potentially beneficial resources include a psychotherapist, depression support group, or a crisis line.

Express Empathy Encouragement And Support

When you do respond, do so in a way that lets them know you’re listening. Expressing empathy is letting them know you have an idea what they’re feeling. For example, you can try saying something like, “I’m really hearing how stuck/ lost/ paralyzed/ defeated/ dejected/ wounded/ broken you’re feeling right now.”

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How Can I Keep Supporting A Friend Who Doesnt Want Help

While there are many reasons that your friend might shut down a conversation or resist the idea of getting help, that doesnt mean we should accept their reasons and give up trying to help. When a friend doesnt address their mental illness or condition, they could face other serious problemslike failing classes, getting fired, abusing substances, damaging their relationship with you or others, or even contemplating suicide.

Offer To Help With Tasks

For those who live with depression, even small tasks, like brushing teeth or cleaning up the kitchen, may drain emotional bandwidth. For this reason, offering to help with something seemingly small can make a huge difference in someones day.

If you have capacity, offer to start a load of laundry, walk the dog, watch the kids for a couple of hours, or drive them to the store.

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Encourage Your Loved One To Keep Up With Their Treatment And Recovery Plan

This is very important! You are not responsible for your loved ones treatment but you can support them as they work towards recovery. In most cases, your loved ones treatment and recovery plans are their choiceyou are there to offer support and encouragement.

In order for any treatment to work, your loved one needs to be actively involved. Forcing or threatening treatment generally doesnt work and will only hurt everyone involved. In most cases, anyone 19 years of age and older is free to make their own choices. And their choices may include refusing treatment or choosing a treatment you disagree with. Its important to be respectful and keep honest communication open between you. You can learn more about dealing with this situation in Ask Us: An adult in my life seems ill and wont find help. What can I do?

Someone I Love Has Been Diagnosed With Depression How Can I Help

We naturally want to help a loved one who isnt feeling well. How we can or should help may seem fairly obvious when a loved one experiences a physical health problem, but many people say theyre not sure how to best help when a loved one experiences a mental illness like depression. Here are some tips:

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Minimizing Or Comparing Their Experience

If your friend talks about their depression, you might want to say things like, I understand, or Weve all been there. But if youve never dealt with depression yourself, this can minimize their feelings.

Depression goes beyond simply feeling sad or low. Sadness usually passes fairly quickly, while depression can linger and affect mood, relationships, work, school, and all other aspects of life for months or even years.

Comparing what theyre going through to someone elses troubles or saying things like, But things could be so much worse, generally doesnt help.

Your friends pain is whats real to them right now and validating that pain is what may help them most.

Say something like, I cant imagine how hard that is to deal with. I know I cant make you feel better, but just remember you arent alone.

How Can You Tell If Someone Is Dealing With Depression

Depression touches most Americans, whether they experience it personally or it affects someone they know. In fact, The National Institute of Mental Health reports its one of the most common mental health disorders in the United States an estimated 17.3 million adults were living with depression in 2017.

So how can you tell if a friend is just a bit sad or hassomething deeper brewing? There certainly are telltale signs, Dr. Borlandnotes. But since you dont necessarily see that person every day, you may haveto do more detective work.

He recommends watching for behavioral changes or anything that could be out of character for your friend. Some depression symptoms include:

• Lack of engagement:They lose interest in activities they used to enjoy or want to hang out less.
• Change in communication patterns: Youused to chat or hang on the regular, and now theyre MIA.
• Changes in hygiene and sleepingpatterns: Theyre sleeping less or all the time. Their appearance andhygiene no longer seem to be a priority.
• Displays of sadness or anger: Theirtemper now has a hairpin trigger, or maybe they seem more down than usual.
• Withdrawal from social outlets:Theyre missing from activities where they were formerly fixtures.

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Statistics About Depression As A Mental Illness

In fact, according to a study conducted by the National Institute of Mental Health and Neuro Sciences from 2014 to 2016,

• Over 10 percent of the population suffers from common mental disorders such as depression, acute anxiety disorders, stress-related disorders and more.
• Appropriately more than 1.9 percent of the population suffers from chronic or severe mental disorders such as schizophrenia or substance-related and addiction-related disorders.
• At least 13.7 percent of the Indian population will be diagnosed with a mental disorder at least once in their lifetimes.
• More than 5-6 percent of people suffer from depression within the total population.

While browsing through these statistical facts and numbers, one must keep in mind that Indias last recorded population was over 120 crores. Since then, this number has increased, and the percent of people these statistics represent has increased as well.

It is also important to consider that these statistics only record the number of reported cases. In actuality, most cases concerning depression go unreported. Depression is a mental illness that is not regarded as a real mental condition by a lot of people within India. It is brushed aside as mere sadness and thought of as a phase or just temporary.

How Are You Managing How Is Your Depression

This can give you some insight into how their treatment is going or if they need help getting professional assistance.

Depression is a medical condition. Its not a flaw or weakness. Its important to assure them theyre not weak or defective. If someone you love has depression, encourage them to seek professional help if they havent already done so. Remind them that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Asking how their treatment is going can also encourage them to stick with their treatment plan. You may also tell them when youve noticed improvements. This can help validate its working, even if they dont always feel like it is.

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Ways To Help A Friend Or Family Member With Depression

When someone close to you is depressed, offering support can feel tricky if you don’t know what the person needs. These tips provide a basis for how you can start to help.

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Depression doesnt happen in a vacuum. It causes a ripple effect that touches everyone surrounding the person. Family members and friends often feel helpless, not knowing how to reach out or what to do to help their suffering loved one.

It would be nice if the depressed person could vocalize their needs, so that friends and families knew exactly what to say and do. However, according to J. Raymond DePaulo Jr., MD, a former professor of psychiatry and the director of the affective disorders clinic at the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine in Baltimore, their relationship skills are significantly diminished. Communication becomes problematic because the person is embarrassed to say how they feel, anticipating judgment.

How does a family member proceed, then, with little or no direction? Every individual is different in how they handle the beast of depression, but here are a few universal things you can try that will empower both you and your loved one toward recovery and hope.

What Not To Do

A friend who is suffering from depression needs a safe space where they can vent and express their true emotions. Dont make a friend feel that you fear their emotions or that they need to put on a brave face so you will stick around. Bernat states, In my experience, most folks dont want to talk to depressed people unless we pretend to be happy. So, we learn to put on a cheerful façade for casual interactions, like buying a pumpkin spice latte. The average barista doesnt want to know that a customer is trapped in the infinite darkness of their soul.

Avoid giving advice or saying, ‘I understand what you’re going through’ because it may sound hollow. Dr. Leaf says, Dont just bring up comparisons from your own life or talk about how you feel. If you do feel the need to talk, frame everything as I may be wrong but or I could be reading you wrong and so on. If they react negatively, remain calm and just listen.

Dr. Leaf says, If you suspect your friend is going through something, take the time to hang out with them and just be present. Go into an interaction wanting to engage with that person on topics that interest them, which builds up trust. Doing this will actually help facilitate deep and meaningful conversations in the future, and can make the person more receptive to reaching out to you.

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Know The Symptoms And Look Out For Them

It sounds basic, but just knowing the symptoms can be a huge help. A lot of people with depression dont even realize that they have it. In fact, the average time between developing depression and seeking help is 5 years. Yikes.

Look out for these signs:

• They often seem sad or tearful.
• They talk about feeling empty or worthless.
• They dont spend as much time with you as they used to, or dont express much interest in doing their usual hobbies.
• Theyre quick to get angry or irritable.
• They dont have much energy, and household chores go undone.
• They often seem tired or listless.
• They dont seem to have an appetite.
• Theyre forgetful or indecisive.

Know The Warning Signs Of Suicide

The risk of suicide is high in those living with depression. No matter what you say or what you do to help your friend, they may still experience suicidal thoughts and feelings. Make sure to be on the lookout for warning signs of suicide and know when to seek help.

Some signs to watch for include:

• Talking about wanting to die
• Expressing that they feel like a burden to others
• Feelings of extreme hopelessness and sadness
• Withdrawing from friends and loved ones
• Sudden mood swings
• Giving away possessions or making a will
• Making ambiguous statements about not being around in the future
• Open discussions about suicide or having a suicide plan
• Previous suicide attempts

If you spot warning signs of suicide, you should talk to your loved one and ask them to speak with a mental health professional. When there is an immediate risk, you should remove dangerous items from the home, make sure you don’t leave them alone, and get help from a medical professional immediately.

If you or someone you love are having suicidal thoughts, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.

For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.

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What Not To Say To Someone With Depression

What not to say

Just remember: Advice isnt the same as asking for help. If they ask for your advice, give it if you so choose. But dont offer them helpful solutions or statements that seem like a cure for their depression. This can feel judgmental or not empathetic.

Dont say:

• Just think happy thoughts. I dont understand what you have to be so sad about.
• Everything will be OK, I promise.
• I cut out sugar, and I was cured! You should try it.
• You just need to snap out of this.
• So many people out there are worse off than you.

Things You Can Say And Things You Shouldnt

Theres definitely things you can say to someone with depression thatll help them out and make them feel a little better about life. And there are definite no-nos which wont help at all.

Do say the following:

• Do you want to talk about it?
• Im ready to talk when you are.
• What can I do to help?
• How are you doing?
• I dont understand exactly how you feel, but Im here for you.
• Youre important to me.

Dont say the following:

• You dont seem depressed.
• It could be worse.
• I know how you feel.
• Youre just imagining this.

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