Why Friends Matter In Adulthood
Research shows that after the age of 25, most adult friendships start to dwindle. Of course, some of this has to do with changing jobs, getting married, moving, and even having children.
Forming meaningful relationships may be harder as you get older, but it’s well worth the effort. Good friendships have a myriad of benefits, including:
- Better immune functioning
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Not Having Enough Time
If you are busy with work or studies, you might simply not have the time to socialize. Heres some advice:
- See if you can study or work together with other coworkers or students.
- Remind yourself that a few hours of socializing a week can give you important breaks that, in the end, will help you be more productive.
- Sometimes, our brain can make up an excuse that we dont have time to meet people when in reality, we do. The real reason we dont socialize could be that we feel uncomfortable doing it or feel like it wont be fruitful. If you can relate to this, make a conscious decision to prioritize socializing occasionally, even if you dont feel like it.
- If you dont find socializing very rewarding, polish your social skills. That can help you build relationships more effectively.
Companionship Needs Vary From Person To Person
While some people need a lot of social time, others dont.
If youre more introverted, you probably feel most comfortable with a few close friends. Too much socializing likely drains your energy and leaves you in urgent need of solitude.
Introversion is simply one part of your personality, not a flaw you need to address or anything to feel bad about. Introverted people often have few friends simply because they thrive best without constant companionship.
If you already interact with people at work or school, you may not want to dedicate more time to social pursuits once your workday ends.
The benefits of friendship cant be denied, but those benefits dont necessarily outweigh your personal needs.
If youd much rather take a long walk alone than spend a morning at brunch, treat yourself with respect and honor that. You know your needs better than anyone else, and by prioritizing them, youre doing yourself a big favor.
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What Causes A Person To Be Lonely
Loneliness can be attributed to internal as well as external factors. It differs from one person to the other, depending on their life circumstances and the personality traits an individual possesses. The internal factors include low self-esteem, being self-critical, automatic negative thoughts about oneself as well as others, and excessive self-doubt. Those individuals who lack confidence in themselves often believe that they are unworthy of the attention or care of other people, including their family and friends. This will, over time, lead to self-directed isolation and chronic loneliness.
Disability Illness Racism And Loneliness
Sometimes loneliness can be caused by something else going on in our lives. Here are some of the major issues which can cause loneliness:
- Mental illness. A lot of mental illnesses like bipolar, anxiety and depression can all make people feel very lonely. Mental illness can make you anxious about seeing others, so you might spend more time indoors. Or it can lead to insomnia, which in turn can make you tired, irritable and lonely.
- Disability. A range of disabilities can often make people feel as though there is no one around them that cares. These feelings can get even worse if people in public are unkind or rude, and facing daily discrimination can make loneliness even harder to bear.
- Racism. People who encounter racism say that being discriminated against can make them feel alone, and can make it harder for them to form real connections. Racism takes a lot of forms, all of them hurtful, so sometimes even a minor or casual act of racism can have big impacts on someones self-esteem.
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Year Old Female: No Friends Depressed What Should I Do
- Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
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- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Yes, I am pleased to say that I have many suggestions.
It appears from what you describe of yourself that you are struggling with two big problems:
What to do:
With the help of medication, psychotherapy and your own courage, you can overcome these problems.
Be courageous, meet people.
Learn To Make Friends And Build Your Social Circle
The first thing to know about making friends is that it is a skill. Its not something youre born with, as many people like to believe.
Making friends is not a magical ability that only a few have. It is a learned skill. Most of us learned how to make friends when we were little but many of us need to learn the new skill of making friends as adults.
To do that, you need to find groups of people that meet up regularly and have interests that are similar to your own. You also need to learn how to find commonalities with these people beyond that first common interest in order to turn your new acquaintances into friends.
If you feel like you are bonding with an individual, meet up with them once or twice in a social setting. If all goes well, you should meet up with them regularly in order to maintain and strengthen the bond.
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I Have No Friends: Here’s What To Do
You might have noticed that, as a kid, you found it easy to make friends. But, as you’ve reached adulthood, your friends’ list may have dwindled a bit . So, not only might you have fewer friends, but maybe you even have difficulty making new friends at this stage in your life.
This is a familiar feeling among adults. What happened? Why can’t adults seem to find people with whom they connect?
People want to be liked, and people want friends. Plus, it feels good to like other people. But sometimes, life gets in the way, and many find themselves unable to make any new friends or keep the friendships that are already there.
So, if you feel like you have no friends, what can you do? This article describes why you might not have many friends right now, the benefits of having a social life, ways to make new friends, and how to keep them once you’ve established a friendship.
Trying Too Hard To Make Someone Like You
Some are so concerned with making others happy that they hide their real selves. Being a people-pleaser can signal a desperate need for acceptance, and that makes someone less likable.
Friendship is a two-way street. Dont do what only pleases others. Dont do what only pleases you. Do what you think is right for both of you.
Heres a good way to think about it: Dont pick the movie you think the other person will like the most. Dont pick the movie you think youll like the most. Pick the movie you think both of you will enjoy.
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Not Alone But Lonely And Depressed Stay At Home Mom
- How lonely sits the city that was full of people! In Lamentations 1:1, the city of Jerusalem is being addressed. She is lonely and isolated although full of people. Sound familiar?
- Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted! In Psalm 25:16, King David is crying out for the Lords presence. The KING is lonely.
Feelings of loneliness have little to do with being in the company of others. Isolation and loneliness are where you go when your heart is neglected.
It makes sense, doesnt it, since all your time is spent nurturing the heart of the little person in your care! Your own heart is like an abandoned garden. Dying, shriveling, and wilting due to lack of nurture and care.
I Feel Lonely Whats Wrong With Me
When we feel lonely, we often tend to beat ourselves up and think that something is just wrong with us. The more alone we feel, the more we start to have thoughts of not belonging or of feeling rejected by others. Left alone with our thoughts, we become our own worst enemy. An isolated space is the perfect breeding ground for negative, self-critical thoughts. These thought patterns make up the critical inner voice , an internalized enemy that leads to self-destructive thought processes and behaviors. This inner critic feeds into our feelings of isolation, encouraging us to avoid others and remain in a lonely state.
Although our critical inner voices may tell us otherwise, in reality, there is nothing inherently wrong with us that leads us to be lonely. It is a common misconception that people are lonely because they have poor social skills. In fact, new research shows that lonely people have perfectly adequate social skills and even out perform non-lonely individuals when it comes to reading social cues. However, when social pressure is introduced to social skills tests, lonely people often begin to choke. They start to feel very anxious or fear failure. In essence, their self-limiting beliefs or critical inner voices interfere with their natural social abilities.
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Dismiss Your Belief That No One Understands You
Sometimes, when you connect with people on a regular basis, you will still feel lonely. As mentioned previously, it doesnt matter how many friends you surround yourself with. Having more friends and doing more activities dont necessarily solve your problem of loneliness.
For some of us, we feel lonely because we feel misunderstood. We cant find someone who gets us or patient enough to hear us out. But this is just a belief, isnt it? If you want to find someone who understands you, you can always talk to a therapist or a counselor, right? It is their job to listen.
There are always ways to overcome loneliness.
But you have to take the active role.
Whats holding us back is again our own self-judgment and the social stigma of loneliness. There is nothing wrong with feeling lonely. You dont have to wait till your problem gets out of hand before you approach a therapist or a counselor. Loneliness can be very complex when it is mixed with other emotions. So its good to get another perspective from someone else, especially from someone professional.
Alternatively, you can join a support group or meetup in your local community, or even better set up one. They are always people who share a similar experience as you.
Lastly, some of your friends would make the effort to understand you if you make the effort to share and let them know in advance that you need a listener, not an adviser.
Use Online Apps To Talk To People
You can connect with new people on social media. We use social media to scroll random memes. Instead, we can use the same platforms to connect with people. You can get in touch with your old friends or you can make new friends. In fact, now you can download apps specifically to make friends like you do to find a relationship partner. Here are some apps that you can use:
Making friends are difficult but it is certainly not impossible. You can go to different lengths to get your friendship back or try to find a new one. We all need friends in our life so that we can share our problems with them, as well as enjoy ourselves with them. It is believed that the more the people come to your funeral, the richer the life you have led.
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Show Yourself Some Love
Many people dont recognize love when they see it, so they tend to live in a bubble without realizing the signs of love from the people around them.
Most times, these people dont understand what it means to be loved.
The best and most important love has to come from within, and if you dont love yourself correctly, you wont recognize it when someone else shows it to you.
Take yourself out on dates. Splurge on yourself once in a while. You can repeat positive affirmations daily if thats something you like.
Do everything in your power to love yourself, and you will notice an improvement in how you feel.
Fig 3: Loneliness amongst senior citizens. Source: Welbi
Avoid Taking On Too Much Work
Sometimes, you bring loneliness upon yourself by overloading yourself with work and barely leaving time for yourself.
If you make a friend, how do you plan to spend time with them if youre always busy?
Learn to manage yourself and your time better, so you have enough leisure time. You will definitely feel better and a lot less lonely.
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What Is A Mom Tribe
Its a small group of women who get you. When youre with them, you dont apologize for your messy house or your kids running through theirs. You parent similarly, so zone parenting rules apply and we all step in to help. You bring donuts to each other on shitty days and you motivate each other to finally start working out again. You spend weekend evenings having impromptu dinners in the front yard and you wouldnt think about grabbing a mani pedi without asking them to join you. Homegoods is never, ever a solo trip. Theyll either talk you out of buying the giant metal rooster or theyll talk you into it. Either way, youre coming home with sh*t you never knew you needed to own.
When I found my Mom Tribe, I was finally able to take a breath and realize that this inclusion, this feeling like people really get me, these moments of laughing until you pee your pants , felt right. It felt incredible.
We picked each others kids up in carpools. We grocery shopped together. We snuck out for movies after the kids were in bed. Playdates in the backyard were almost always accompanied by a beer or two. Which morphed into throwing together a dinner and more beers with the husbands. Which inevitably led to walking home and picking the car up in the morning. A perfect evening.
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What Does It Mean If You Have No Friends
When someone doesnt have friends its almost never because their core personality is unlikable. Its usually due to a mix of interfering factors such as theyre not knowledgeable about the skills for making friends. Theyre too shy, socially anxious, insecure, or unconfident to pursue a friendship.
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Why Kids Might Be Struggling Socially
It hurts when you see that your child isnt making friends, and you cant figure out why or how to help. Here are some potential reasons why a child may be striking out on connecting with other kids:
They dont understand how to socialize. The rules of social interaction might seem obvious to you, but they do need to be learned. And while most kids pick up social cues and patterns so easily it seems automatic, some dont, and need more support and practice. This is particularly true for kids with ADHD, autism and non-verbal learning disorder. When one child isnt understanding their peers expectations about how to decide what to play, how to share, when to talk and how to show that theyre listening, theyre going to find it harder to make friends.
Theyre anxious. It is common for kids and adults to feel anxiety when they come into a new social situation or join a group. This shows up in young kids who cant join in activities on the playground, or at birthday parties that are supposed to be fun but are actually overwhelming. Social anxiety gets more common as kids get older. Some kids with severe social anxiety may be paralyzed with worry that others are judging them. They might weigh every word in a text message and worry so much about how they look or what they say that they stop hanging out with friends. They may be so self-conscious they even stop eating in the school cafeteria.
People Are Always Asking Each Other About Their Social Lives
This one plays into worries of being found out and judged. Some friendless people are so scared of their supposedly shameful secret getting out that they avoid socializing, because the topic of their friends might come up. They may even have exaggerated fears about someone painstakingly grilling them about their friendships until they’re forced to confess how alone they are.
It varies from person to person, but I find people don’t ask each other about their social lives that often. There are lots of other things to talk about, and everyone generally assumes other people have friends, and so don’t feel a need to ask about it. Naturally, they essentially never do in-depth interrogations. That’s a distorted worst case scenario.
Sometimes the subject does come up. Like someone might ask what your friends are up to this weekend, or who in your small school or town you hang out with. Again, this article goes into how to tell people. Overall, if you’ve been dodging social situations because you’re worried everyone will suss out your friendless status within minutes of meeting you, realize that’s not likely to happen.
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